I don't think I should ever apologize for being myself.

I may feel bad for the things that I do or say sometimes, but it doesn't mean it's indefinite or I will never learn from that.

I have come a long way from learning about who I really am and what I want to become.

I am getting there. I have taken my first couple of steps into the door. I think I am liking it here.

So if you think I should live my life otherwise, you can shove that up your own ass. Cause I don't have the time to think about your petty negative thoughts about me.

I have a cat who gives me cuddles during the day even when she doesn't really feel comfortable. She would still stay with me even when she knows she won't be getting a proper nap. If that isn't love, I don't know what else is.

Goodbye to you.
Goodbye to me.
Goodbye to the past.

Hello Harriet ❤

Hello bloggie,

Bue-lo-jji. I'd like to call you that. Haha. Poor you, an inanimate object and I am butchering you. Oops.

I'm sitting outside of Cotton On in DFO South Wharf right now. I just had a moment of realization where I have been shopping to make myself feel better. It seems like I couldn't do other stuff to make me feel better and it's just shopping that I can do now. That's not even it. I shouldn't even be spending my money that I am not earning. Sigh. But what else can I do?

I realise I have been going around hunting for cheap things or good bargains and I would feel the need to purchase them. I create a reason to buy them, even though in reality I don't need them.

I couldn't eat good food like how I used to. I couldn't travel out to places I like to relieve myself. I could feel like there is an urge in me that I needed to break out and just do something I really love.

Shopping therapy is only temporary, but almost instant. I got bored of the food around cbd and the thought of spending all the money on eating them by myself just makes me feel depressed. There's nowhere to go on my own now, no time for me to escape from routine and try something new. I can't cook good homemade food either. What more, I can't quite find comfort from Jinwei when I need. I'd come home feeling absolutely drained and during the weekends, he has got his own plans. What am I to do when I am home alone during the weekends?

This is, though just one month worth of work placement. Especially after yesterday I am just drained and I still can't get anything I need that would satisfy me.

So right now, I am sitting outside of Cotton On. They've got a sale going on in there now, all ladies wear $10 and under. I only found one dress for $5 that I can't wear until middle of September. I can't quite explain why I am feeling like this. But I am feeling really bummed.

Now I gotta walk back to the tram stop, take two trams, and walk home. That's gonna a take about an hour to do.

:/

Casual conversation with someone, I start sharing my deepest concern about my life, they respond as if they have a solution to my life problems. Why is it that their interpretation seems so far off from what I am trying to share with them?

Are they even paying attention to what I am saying?

Are they just busy trying giving me solutions based on how they are living their life?

I admit I do that too. So is this how people have conversations? Just blab and not listening?

But I love listening to people and get excited when we happen to share a similarity somewhere. But of course I am not always right about my guesses.

It always feels as if they are judging my every word. Or that I am just wrong or not as well to do than they are.

Why can't I just be happy about who I am and what I am doing?

:(

Nope. It's not always about me, it is always about them.