Cause god, it just feels so good.

Well, what happened today has definitely lifted me up to me being myself again. After a whole lot or moping and emoing around that I am actually leaving here for good. I guess it felt like I hadn't have enough time with everyone and that I felt really heavy hearted to leave, cause I know there were a few whom I have not met yet. It just felt incomplete!

Also part of me felt really bummed when I knew there were farewells for others but none for me. It really did feel like nobody was gonna remember me and that my past would probably look like it is hanging there on the cliff, an inch away from the plunge, yet safe enough to survive the next turbulence of wind. Hrmm. Yes. I wanted one farewell party for my own! I wanted to feel appreciated! But I already had one, prior to this one, I was already happy enough that that event took place. But today, really caught me off guard. One that had me stunned for a whole 5 minutes before I actually came back to my senses.

Never had I thought that people would actually throw me a surprise party. All this while I would be the busy one planning outings and hoping that it would be enough to make the others feel happy. And I would always be happier when I see the others being happy. Somewhat like I feed on people's joy, but it just is that awesome to see others being happy. So, no, never in a million years had I expected a surprise party.

All I knew that I was preparing myself to meet up with yune-lyn and natasha for the last time, and I thought, 'hey! It's time to hear how lyn's proper vocals would sound like!'. Thus the thought of going for a karaoke session with these two darlings. Since Sha was already a singer, and I just felt like singing with proper vocals, going for a karaoke sessions seems like a must before I go. =F yeap. But I was all gloomy and took my own sweet time to arrive at the scene. As I walk towards the room, I was like... 'Erh, of all times I came to redbox, I have never been to this side of the are before. Hrmmm.'. Then I stood at the door wondering who this figure I was looking at looks like... 'why is there a guy here?! O.o'. Just when I wanted to ask Lyn, the door opened and... 'SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'.

I looked at the bunch of silly people hiding on the wall to prevent me from seeing them. Overwhelmed by the number of people I was seeing, I tried to scan through to see who they actually were. I was too confused that I stood there for about 2 minutes with my mouth open, couldnt actually grasp what was happening. Til jian arn came to me and asked me to close my mouth. Lmao. Hahahaha. Yeap. It was that shocking. It was then the group had dispersed, revealing three people who were seated, Regina, KokTong and Rachel. I knew they were different from this gang of people whom I would normally hang with. Hence the extra shock I had.

It wasnt until I sat down, I could tell who were exactly there. Luke, Sean, Sadoon, Gareth, Andrew, Marcus, Jeremy, Brandon, Kevin (the figure who appeared at the door), Natasha, Alvyn. Hahahahaha!! It took me forever to actually accept reality that they actually planned a surprise farewell party FOR ME!! This is honestly my first time ever. The first time that a group of friends had a surprise party for me. I am still find it a little bit hard to believe that it happened.

As though their appearance had not shocked me enough, they decided to get me a birthday cake as well. Lmao! My birthday isnt til end of Feb, and they are celebrating it then, on the 2nd of Feb. I find it rather funny. But the fact that they actually took the effort to celebrate my birthday, it literally made my tiny shattered heart, cry. I repeat, I have never ever thought that such surprises would happen to me. The word thank you doesnt even come close to how thankful I am to each and everyone of those whonwere involved in this event.

Awesome? Hah! You kidding bro? That word is so mainstream. I need a superlative word for awesome. Because awesome is definitely not enough to call these people for who they are as themselves and what they are to me. I couldnt help but to flashback on how I got to know each and one of them. How they all are awesome in their own way, how they have made me grown as a person, and how life had been the most joyable and meaningful thanks to their presence.

I could not thank each and everyone of you enough. Today was indeed one of the best day I ever had. =')

Even right now, it feels like I'm still dreaming. =O

Turns out that this had been planned by the both darlings since a long time ago, even before the cny. Was wondering what was with people's absence when I had been talking to them almost everyday. Somehow those little disappearances made me feel even more upset than I should've been. I was so over myself that I couldn't even see the obvious clues that I saw along the way. You sneaky people! =P awesome like that, huh? I would agree with that. =)

Gaaaahhhhhh!! I love you all!! =') <3 Cause god, it just feels so good.

And then the clock strikes 7. The proposed meet up time. Glancing around, nobody is here yet.

Malaysian time is very efficient, always. And it never fails to have a close association with the word, 'traffic jam'. I am a malaysian who follows these malaysian time settings once in a while. No, I do them just to annoy the crap out of others and other times, I just find it unnecessary to rush about, knowing it is alright to be late. And as for other non-malaysian times, those are the days where I just felt like being there early to scold others about their never-ending record of malaysian time streaks. Just for the fun of it.

This is actually a bad habit that we usually couldnt bother acknowledging on how important it really is to be on time. Because there are times where being on time is really that necessary, but because it had already been a habit, we would be prepared with excuses and just turn up late as though it didn't matter.

What happens if we missed an important meeting? Maybe some of us can't really see how important this is to us now. Here is a question to you, have you ever been late for a movie screening? We are given movie tickets with specific timing, but we would normally be there early, and complain about the lengthy commercials. Or, we would purposely be early to watch all the juicy previews of upcoming movies. Or if we really had to rush, it would normally be just in time when the movie starts. Then, imagine if you were to be late and you missed your thousand dollar flight to some destination, it is an instant burn in the pocket and not to forget, a stab in the heart as well. As a matter of fact, we have to be hours earlier before our flight. Any later, you get left behind. Definite lesson for you to be ignorant about the importance of being on time.

Irresponsible. Rude. Undisciplined. Pretty much the verbs could be used for such behaviours of being late. Have you not considered that others would have to sacrifice whatever it is they have to do in order to be there on time? Fact is, you could have planned things out much earlier, to avoid all those unnecessary waits. Is it that difficult to be on time?
Is it that difficult to plan beforehand?
Is it that difficult to tell the others when you know you will be late?
Is is that difficult to be considerate?

And honestly, due to all those outings that I have planned, there had never been once that nobody is late. Lesson learnt? You cant expect everybody to be on time. Solution? Plan with time allowance for the arrivals of the royal kings and queens before the outing resumes. And of those times, I really do respect those who will always be on time. For I know it is difficult to be out of the norm, to not be late. Like I said, I am on and off for being on time.

Sometimes I feel that it is somewhat of a responsibility to be early, to wait for everyone else. As a planner, it is a 'must' thing to do. Unless you really can't make it in time, I believe it is necessary to get someone else who will be on time to hang in there until you get there. And when I'm the follower, knowing that others would be late and if I cant make it in time for the meet up time, I would plan my time thoroughly and make sure I'll be there 'not too early-not too late'. Now I am not saying that it is a good thing to do, I am trying to tell you that it is an act of mine where I take things forgranted.

Of all those meet ups, I am here to mention that I am 70% on time and 30% off time. Hehehe. Yeap. I deserve some scolding for sure, but before you do, make sure you are a 100% on-timer, otherwise it'll be invalid. ;)

142km up north, and 142km back south, a total of 4 hours drive in approximation, and half a tank of petrol, speed average of about 120km/h, the journey to find where the heart was born, was indeed a worthy one.

It was some sort of me paying my respect to my grandmother who is growing older by the year, and my aunt whom I have not took the initiative to visit eventhough I could drive freely already, not forgetting with the fact that I am leaving for Australia, I figured I should visit them before I go.

With the passing of my grandmother on my maternal side November last year, it made me miss her for she was the closer grandma than my paternal's side. It gave me that thought that I should show up somehow, who knows if I would not have the chance to anymore.

It was an initial plan to visit my grandma with the company of my mother, but we had not enough time as my dear mom had to leave for work back in Macau. To my surprise, my aunt, whom I live with, volunteered to drive me over for a visit. Travelling alone for such a long distance wasn't a good idea, as it proved that I almost hit two cars today. =/

But it was a worthy trip after all. After all those worrying about meeting my father, after worrying about my aunt being all awkward with my paternal aunt. It got me queasy with the thinking and worried as well.

Now to think of it, there were no regrets at all. My father was not around, and it was like watching two of the people who loved me to their bottom of their hearts, talking about me, happily. I have never felt such love ever. Funny how it was understood that, how loosely bonded I am to my mother and how I afraid I am of my father, these two aunts were loving me as though I was their own daughter.

It was the moment when I felt truly blessed. The moment when I felt like I was the luckiest person ever alive. The moment when I know that I am truly loved. The moment I knew that they, will be there for me regardless of whatever that has or will happen to me. The moment that I discover where my heart belongs. =')

Of equality.

As a 19 year old, I am able to see and reflect on how kids behave. Kids are innocent and their reactions tell the whole lot of different story when being faced with a particular situation. I remember I was having mcD's and the table on my right had about 5 kids munching away on their happy meals. True enough, they were arguing on facts with the single parent who was there with them. I may have forgotten what the arguements was for, but I find it amusing on how kids think that they know everything with the little knowledge they have. And how they were truthful with what they know, was even more intriguing. For we all know adults have been through at least 2 decades of life, they should have much more knowledge than a 7-8 year olds. But they choose to keep their knowledge to themselves and use them when they need to.

Yes. Because the society has brought upon us such stigma. You show a little knowledge of yourself, you will be commented on, provably along the lines of, "oh? You are that smart now?". And if you don't display your intelligence, "you are dumb as hell". Simply because we, humans, have been granted rights for our very own wellbeing. Rights that would protect us from harm, rights that would give us a voice to speak upon, rights that would provide justice. As so we see it. Fact is, we have been abusing our rights. Fact is, that we are changing our time, in hopes to build a better future. Fact is, the rights are those that makes us feel like we have some sort of hidden super powers against the authorities.

If one would look and study properly, one would see how terrible the job of our dear leader is doing. And we would normally blame the leader as he/she is understood to be the head of the country, thus everything has to be approved by him/her before it could be carried out. And we would continue blaming until a change is given to us. We, citizens assume that the government is doing a bad job in helping to improve the nation, we protest, we demand, we question for more. We get angry because we were not given our rights. Or so we see.

We had a bersih rally last year. Which had caused me to miss my first ever ballet show. Unfortunately for my yellow car, it was better to stay home, and I could not support my friend for the show either. The protest was to show the government that we, the citizens want fair voting for this year's election. All of the protestants knew each and every detail about their rights in doing so before they took up the courage to team up for the protest. Those water bombs and tear gases? They had only made the citizens even more furious about the fact that they did not get their fair share of protesting in peace.

Though my question is, was all of these necessary? All those protest, demands and accusations? As we look at where we are, what we have and who we are today, had it not been a giant leap altogether? We have schools in just under a woodshacks and kids would just study happily then. We had that terrible war, which had scarred so many of us. We had terrorist after the war. We had jungles everywhere. One thing for sure is that we had almost everything we could ask for today.

But no, we still want to ask for more. I couldnt help but to envy the privileges students in the government school get these days. They get free textbooks to study with, lower school fees to pay and have better facilities than my time. Though it had only been two years since I got out from government school, they seem to have a better life than we did during my generation. They even got money/voucher to spend on whatever they need. And my question to you is, did you spend them with what you really need?

Talking about rights. We have never stopped arguing about that. Why? Because in the past, women were not given any rights at all. Look at what we have today, women dominating the world... literally. But then again, we, humans will never be satisfied with what we have. I do find it rather shameful sometimes. But with such demands, we could not have been where we are today. Nobody is ever perfect, and so we question their capabilities and we expect something else which provides better outcomes in return.

Sometimes, I do feel like life would be much easier if we had that ruling of North Korea. Simple. No worries about anything, just living life as it is, given by the government. One protest, and you have your entire family, near and extended, everybody being thrown into prisons. If you get caught escaping, the whole family dies. Here, you are prohibited to ask or to even question the superior. The way we see it, that these people are living in hell. But when watching documentaries, they somewhat reflect how it was like when the ancients were ruling, dictatorship, godlike, and everybody was just afraid. But the fact that they know nothing, is actually saving themselves a whole load of fuss. Recently there was a video on north korean kids at the age of 4-5 playing guitars in such skills the was mind blowing. We cant say that they are uneducated, can we? We just dont know how it is like exactly, to be in their shoes, for we are much more comfortable in our own.

Where do we go from here? Protests going on every now and then. I hadn't been reading the newspaper for the whole year last year, for I knew they were white lies to begin with. When I was in Singapore recently, the taxi driver asked me about Anwar, and I had no clue what he was saying. I couldn't even bother to know what was going on in my own country and here we have a foreigner knowing about my country. And I believe I will continue to be ignorant about such matters. I believe all those havoc was caused by the people. Yes, one should be alert with what is happening, and what if I do? Am I supposed to join the protest? Does it make any difference between knowing and not knowing? =/