6 hours worth of free time, and I am finding it rather difficult to do my normal camping-cum-studying today. Hrmmm.

Not too sure why though. Just couldn't get myself to focus heartfully on studying at this moment. Feels like something is bothering me, but I am not too sure what it is either. Even my twitter and facebook seems incredibly... quiet.

It feels weird honestly. Feels like I am trying to plot a nasty plan or something. But truth is, I just don't feel like doing anything, other than just hiding in my room and sleep for the whole day. Hrmmmm.

Yes. It's Thursday again. Would have to say I lost interest in going to uni everyday? Maybe. Just didn't feel like it is necessary to come uni, other than to study, to make up for the huge sum of money paid for the education here. Sounds... silly. Something just didn't feel right since yesterday or something. Honestly, it is scaring me quite abit. Yet I can't figure out what to do about it. Hrmmm.

On the side note, I got so annoyed by this girl in my bio lab, I used the excuse that I had sorethroat so I don't have to interact much with anyone (I actually do have sorethroat, just finding it lazy to talk so that I won't have to feel the pain when I talk. heheheh). God, I wish I know why, this woman just kept on talking and talking and talking... TO HERSELF. Haiyoooo. I seriously wish I could just bitch talk her for once to shut her up immediately, but of course, IT WOULD BE RUDE IF I DO SO. Thus, I am here complaining. Sighh... Thank god I only have ONE MORE BIO LAB, and it isn't until another two weeks time. At least I can sleep in for another two weeks and not listen to her, annoyingly talking to herself for three freggin hours. omg.

Speaking of lab, I shall do some boasting for now. MY CHEMISTRY LAB! No doubt about it, I am still clueless sometimes. Screwed the clueless part, and annoyed the crap out of my demonstrator whenever I don't know something. I LIKE THE FACT THAT THEY NOTICE ME AND THEY PRAISED ME! hahahahaha. My demonstrator was saying that I was very organised with my lab work. Simply because every week, without fail, I would ensure that I have the procedures written on post-its for easy references when doing the experiments. The other demonstrator noticed my post-it filled lab report and commented. HAHAHAHAHA. Yes! I have a proud moment. :)
*I have actually screwed up several experiments with the mixture of wrong chemicals, almost all the time. HAHAHAH! But yeah, I just pretend I didn't do it wrong and start all over. Despite that, I will still end up finishing my experiments first. But the dumb part of me showed when answering the lab questions. I get so clueless, it takes me forever to finish my questions, ended up, I will be the last to leave. :(

Oh. I stole 6 mini test tubes from Chem lab yesterday.
HAHAHAHAHHA! They were too adorable. Figured there were too many to notice 6 missing test tubes. hehehehehehehe

AND THEN MONASH HAD NEW VARSITY HOODIES!
2 variants if I am not mistaken. Not a big fan though. Still satisfied with my red one. :)

It's 5.34pm.
I should continue studying for abit til 7.15pm.
Laser Tag, ons! :D

"Hope gives you the strength, Grace gives you the courage, and Faith makes your day worth living.”

Thought I could stay back and camp for abit until my sister would come pick me up from uni for dinner today, then I remembered she was working in the city recently. Asking her to come pick me up would be rather selfish, don't ya think?

And so, I made myself an agenda! Travel to Camberwell on my own from where I live. I wonder how long would it take for me to reach there though. Told her I would figure my way and be there by 6.30pm. It's 5.05pm now, and I'm in the bus, I shall spend my time blogging random stuff. :P

Across me, is a girl from my statistics tutorial class. Didn't realise she was there until I turned. LOL. Not close with her. Besides, she's sleeping. Erhhh. Haha! This is totally random. :P

Am down with a slight sore throat at the moment. Haven't been drinking enough water as I should. Eating a whole lot of junk didn't help either. Mmmhhh. Starting to feel like I am eating rather unhealthy-ly. Oops. By junk I meant biscuits and anything that doesnt require cooking. I strongly protest against potato crisps with msg. Or anything with msg for that matter. Yet, it is obvious that my diet is not a healthy one too. Would just grab anything and eat, just to make sure I dont go hungry. D:

Let's talk about something rather serious. :D

Decisions.
Once we decide on something, we do it. What comes after is always an unknown, all we can do, is bear with the consequences that comes after. Strength in facing the aftermath is highly needed. Otherwise you would have to live with that regret for the rest of your life.

Sometimes I wish I could look into the future to see what my decision would bring me to, before going ahead with it. That sense of not knowing what would happen next, never fails to leave me indecisive. That 'fear' of deciding. That constant worry that I am not strong enough to carry the weight of the consequences on my shoulders after the decision is made.

Bad decisions have brought me places. Sometimes, too scary to even imagine, and thank goodness, some where I could live by. Things change as soon as that decision is being made. Never once, things remained the same after it has been decided. Neverrr. The change? It depends really. If you are lucky, you get a positive outcome. If you are unlucky (which is the most likely outcome most of the time), things turns for the worst. Even the unlucky category is split into a few stages, unlucky but bearable, unlucky but bearable after sometime, ultimate unlucky.

I am pretty sure I made that last one up just to make myself feel better. Hehehe

I feel so local! Just got off a bus and now I am on the train to my sis! I still like the trains. TRAIN. Shouldn't take me long to reach her place now. Hrmmmm.

Definitely have some hint of the aussie accent already. Nehehehehehe. Omg. :D

But at this point, I still feel very Asian. Mehhhh.

I wonder what are we having for dinner. :F

Ah yes. I will be joining random people for a game of Laser Tag tomorrow! With the Malaysian Society. They call it Monash University Malaysian Society Union? MUMSU. Moomsu? Maumsu? How do you pronounce this?! O.o
Will see how it is in comparison with the ones we have back in Malaysia.

Eh! Reach liao! 5.32pm. Ahhh. Naisee. :D
Now... What do I do?

Okay. I should stop here before I start bore-ing you out. :P

Thank you! <3

Officially antisocial.

I feel socially awkward whenever I know I need to talk to others. It freaks me out whenever I know I need to do group assignments, or have any contact with anybody else.

Not a very nice thing to feel, not that I can avoid it either.

That unspeakable feeling I get whenever I am with people. The inner voice in me just screams, 'GET AWAY! GOOO! YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS!!', while I plant on a poker face, pretending I am all up for making new friends. Hrmmm. Hypocrisy.

It seems like I have learnt to build a wall around myself where I feel much safer within my own built walls. Even if it does get tempered with, at least I could piece it up together again from the inside. Then whenever I feel that it is safe to roam around on the outside, I would hop out of my wall and mingle around for abit, but returning to my wall eventually.

Found that my room is my physical wall, too. Though I may not feel as safe as I think it would feel back at home, it felt safe enough. I feel much more comfortable not needing to talk, I feel relaxed not needing to interact... I guess I got used to what I am given at this moment. Hrmmm.

Speaking of adaption, it is definitely getting colder by the day. Highest temperature would be 23 and it keeps decreasing once it reaches its peak temperature. Tough the lowest that I have seen so far would be... 5? It's NOT even winter yet. I need to get some leggings, and a knee high boots if I were to wear dresses or skirts or even shorts. I still wear shorts around though! And I did cut down on the number of clothes I am wearing now. Getting better adapted to the cold already. Hehehe. Yeayyyyy!!! :D

Though it is tempting me to do more shopping. Dang it. Two hoodies for 40aud from cotton on! Knee high boots for 40-50aud from rubi! :( How to save moneyyyyy?

My sis said that it is easier for girls to save money than guys because guys are constantly buying things for girls. Though I can't find prove that she said something along that lines at the moment. Maybe I was dreaming or something, but it is an interesting thought! Honestly, it's weird having somebody to pay things for me. For I know once I get used to it, I will figure ways to make others pay too. I mean, why pamper the girl when you can save your money for the wedding and the rings and the honey moon and trips? Those shit takes years accumulate money just to have them come true. Not forgetting a nice car and also a house where you can call home next time. I guess if it wasnt for me looking at my sis and bro going through so much money matters, starting from marriage onwards, I would probably think getting married is am everyday thing. O.o Even so, taking money from people is just not right for me. Not even birthday presents. Feels like I don't deserve those kind of things from anyone. :/ I rather spend money on my own, at least I know how much I am spending. Besides, spending money on a girl just... unnecessary. Really?

Hrmm. What other random things can I talk about today?

Oh right. I feel fatter now. Have always found it difficult to gain weight, but now I really do feel like I am actually gaining weight. Maybe I am being delusional, but I like the thought that I am gaining weight. The last time I weighed myself was about a month ago, weighing at 48kg. That is like at least a kg extra since I first step foot into Australia. Been eating as much as I can (though I still find ways to save money as much as I can most of the times), I still eat. I find joy in eating! :O I really doooooooo!!! I can never stop talking about food, can I? My god! It's an achievement for me to even gain weight after years of trying! Not to sure why it has always been difficult for me to gain weight. I get really annoyed when people ask me to eat more, and why am I so skinny. Sometimes, I wish I knew the answer to that, but it isnt like I am being anorexic or bulimic. I LOVE FOOD!!!! D: At least now that I think I am gaining weight, I guess I couldnt really care what people would say anymore? Hrmm. All I need to do, is weigh myself. If I see a 50, I know I am gaining weight a little too fast. IF I AM NOT, I WILL CONTINUE EATING AND EATING AND EATING AND EATING!!!

Raw carrot pieces, anyone? :)

That sense of jealousy.

It pretty is hard to describe it, why we feel jealous and why we just can't seem to comprehend the fact that others are having much more benefits than we are. Jealousy. We always seem to miss the fact and appreciate what we have at that current moment with everything that we have.

OMG! THE HOUSE IS FILLED WITH CHOCOLATE SMELL! HAHAHAHAHHA
I am having 2 dozens of mini muffins baking in the oven. Oh the bliss. <3

Right. Jealousy. ARE YOU JEALOUS YET?! I HAVE A FREGGIN BATHROOM FOR MY OWN AND A FREGGIN OVEN IN MY HOUSE!!! WOOHOO!
Nah. Who am I kidding. I still miss every single bit of home. When that tiny string of hope left, was tearing before my very eyes, it always gets a little too unbearable for me. Just last night I had another break down moment. Silly, I know. I wish I could actually get over the fact that I AM HERE and THEY ARE THERE, and I HAVE TO START LIVING MY OWN LIFE HERE eventually. Yes. There are point of times where I do feel like I am finally blending in, but deep down, I still want to feel like I belong back at home too. For all I know was that moments back at home were moments I treasure most, and that I want to experience those same awesome moments again when I do get back home.

But things are forever changing. Yes, I am happy here

AND THE OVEN JUST RANG! TELLING ME THAT MY MUFFINS ARE READY!!! OMGGGGG! *runs to go check the muffins. :F*
ah damn. I have like three burnt ones. :( OWH WELL! STILL LOOK FREGGIN ADORABLE AND NOMNOMICIOUS! mmh! <3

As I was saying. It has been close to three months since I first step foot here in Melbourne. Form initial 'emotional break down prone bitch', I am actually slowing down on that part. As in, I am getting used to being alone, I can hang out on my own, I couldn't care less if I have friends here or not, and I am hanging out with whoever I can hang out with. Not as much stress as I would have when it comes to assignments and test anymore. Honestly saying, it still feels really weird when I do stop to have a moment and think, 'whoa, I am actually here in Melbourne on my own.'

Have always thought I was 'big' enough to be living on my own. It wasnt until I went on an oversea trip with one of my bestie that I felt like I was so much smaller than the world could have seem like to my thoughts. That was the moment where I questioned myself, 'can I really do this?'
But I pretty much had no choice but to push myself and endure it like it was nothing. Look where I am now. :O
Even if others don't feel proud of me for surviving this long, I honestly am proud of myself for actually still being strong thus far.

Though I may have moments where I wished I had more company around me, but I guess I had to live with the little that I could clutch onto.

As of now, I still feel that ping of jealousy whenever my friends back at home are enjoying the time of their lives while I am still looking for my own joy... on my own. Ah damn. Everything seem to be so much more UNFUN when you are doing it on your own. D:

Owh well.
I guess this is the time of MY life where I have to learn somehow. :)

Though I have a problem... I really think I needa start finding a job. mmh.
This, is difficult. Considering that I have no working experience prior to this, and that the aussie people requires CV (resume) to apply for work. erhh... how? D:
sigh. why?!

On the side note, I am trying to find the best proportion for milk tea. At least I know now, that black tea works best for milk tea. hehehehehe
LASAGNA FOR DINNER! bwahahahhahahahahahaha

Seriously. I am jealous as hell whenever people back there are enjoying their asses off without me. D:
Got my heart torn to millions of pieces when I found out the guys went bukit tinggi again. Damnit, I feel so replaced. :(
#WorstFeelingEver
Now I am wondering who will I actually be seeing when I do get back to Malaysia for a holiday. :/

OWH WELL.

As I decided to wear shorts today, I looked at my lower limbs. From the knee downwards, that whole part were filled with bruises of different sizes and at different spots. Without a doubt they were all from camp. #win

It's Sunday today, and I spent the whole of Saturday doing things that involved me, myself and I, alongside with the remaining homework I had to do. It passed in daze, practically lazing my way through the day. The much needed time to rejuvenate myself from the out-of-place routine for the previous three days. :)

Today, I spent the day with my sis and bro. Would have to say the weather was splendid and I had the perfect people to spend my last day of holiday with. :)

Had a morning dim sum (they call it yum cha here. Will take me some tickets to get used to), and then did a little shopping at Doncaster. Was supposed to bake for them this afternoon, but we didnt have time, so I couldn't bake. :/ Headed to the city for a photoshoot session. And as always, I become the prop person, whereby I had to carry stuff for people and walk around with them while they take pretty pictures. HAHA

Venue? Botanical gardens at Melbourne CBD. My god. The sky way incredibly clear today and the sunset's lightning was magnificent! It definitely added special effects to my pro's photographs. I would have taken some pics on my own, but my n9 decided to die off on me at that strategic time of the day. :( Owh well. At least by being the prop person, I coule act just stand there and watch the sky and true surroundings I was in. Catching a glimpse of the purple sky was undoubtfully the best! It isn't everyday that we get to see the colour purple in the sky!! We could see blue, white, yellow, orange and occasionally, pink. But PURPLE?! Gaaaahhhhh!!!

Had my dose of al dolce freddo's icecream again. OH THE JOY!! I ate so much today, it adds more joy! Hahahahaha!! :D

...

Had a sudden thought that there was no way females could actually save money. It feel like it is impossible to save at all. Females, I would say are high maintenance. There was no way we could resist not shopping for clothes, shoes, bags, accessories. Every shingle time, the temptation will be there, regardless. Though some may have that will power to stop themselves from shopping, it is still undeniable that females are highly maintained. We freggin menstruate every month. Without realising it, there goes money spent on sanitary pads/tampons. Not to forget, make up and all those other good facial products. Those things costs money!!

I mean, look. Guys can survive without shopping for clothes and shoes. They probably care for their car and laptop/desktop even more. But if you ask me, those things are still controllable. In a sense, it does make me understand how guys can actually save more money than girls can. UNLESS the girl is loaded, and that she knows and is capable of storing her savings elsewhere, she could very well be guaranteed a future somehow. It doesn't means girls like that aren't spending as much, they just have the extra cash to save up. :O

Girls can never not shop, at all.
Guys only spend theirs money on big boys toys. And yet we can see girls complaining about boys buying such expensive things when girls themselves are spending equally as much... or maybe even more.

I need to get a job to overshadowmy guilt for spending so much on food. :(

I have definitely gained some weight! :D

...

And then, I had been out for 13 hours. Great day. :)

<3