Dreaming of hope and love.

He had CaptainSparkleZ' face sort of a mash with PewDiePie and had a name of Toby (Tobuscus). He also had motor neuron disease.

I was in her mind, but I had no control over what she was doing in my dream. She was stuck in this desert and she had a routine to do day in and out. People were disappearing day after day but she didn't realize it. But when she had her free time, she somehow found this boy and watched all his videos and fell in love. She managed to contact him and she was just so happy to be able to talk to him. Somehow he felt a stir in his heart that he wants to be there for her too. Through the days, they contacted each other through video and when she's off through her day, she could not keep her mind free of him.

My dream didn't show me how exactly they fell in love, but I could feel that sincerity and how deep the love they have for each other despite circumstances.

One day, she was all by herself at the facility.
(There were no signs about how these people disappeared, because they don't talk to one another)
She continues doing whatever she feels like doing as she used to.
(The facility on the desert is somewhat like being thrown into a space shuttle and people are meant to do research and experiments, she didn't know how she got there, she just woke up one day and she was there, she as one of the test subjects - unknowingly)
(Other test subjects were not allowed to speak to each other, but there were interactive things around - so the test subjects are running the experiments on those interactive things)
(She comes out from a building with a door that allows her to come out
_|×|_|=|_|∆|_ looks to her side and other doors didn't open)
(The facility is just one building on its own and there's just vast desert/empty land, but because there were interactive things available, it was understood that there wasn't a need to leave the facility, or somehow they were brainwashed to just stay at that area)

(This was how her day went)
She sat on the sand (under the scorching sun) for a couple of hours, looked at a distance where she could see a mountain, lush with trees. She thought about him and wondered about what she was feeling and if it was real. She believed that whatever she felt was real but there was nothing she could do but to keep up the (video)calls at night to have that feeling and it was growing.

(He knew what had happened to her, but he couldn't help her other than to keep her company. He couldn't understand what exactly it was that was trapping her there, hence he couldn't go out and seek help.. Or maybe he did? His physical disability made him feel depressed about life. But his calls and conversations with her made him feel different, an appreciation despite the physical block. Those conversations made each other feel alive.)

After that, she walked over to the interactive pen/area to only find about 5 blue frogs left. (There were initially other coloured frogs, and the subjects were supposed to carry out experiments with them) (there were also other stuff that were initially in that interactive area, but as time passed, the equipments either failed or died out, just like the test subjects) She was deciding if she was going to catch this frog and try something (she couldn't decide if it was worth the effort catching it because she already knew what the outcome was going to be). Then she sees a chicken-like animal (looks kinda like a dodo, but with very little hair - very little hair attached, looked like its ready for cooking, everything about this chicken is affected by the desert-like environment, there were about 3 of these around) that laid a egg with no shell that looked like hard boiled egg. She went to look at because she remembered it felt exciting (and it will probably always excite her) to see what happens with the egg. She watches the egg, she poked the egg and it revealed to be a soft boiled egg in the middle with a baby chicken-like animal was in there. She waited to see if the baby would move to show it's alive and she was also waiting for the mother to return to retrieve the baby.

But that took awhile, the mother never came back and was seen scuttling away and trying to look for a hiding place behind all the broken equipment. Then a shadow appeared, it was a woman that seemed very manly, someone she has never seen before. She looked up and this woman began speaking to her while handing her a small yellow colored pill: 'if its freedom you want, take this. Don't ever give up.'

She thought about how it would be like to be on the other side of this place, she thought about how there was no more hope left in this place. She wasn't feeling too sure about the pill, but she thought that it was worth a shot. She took the pill.

From then on, she could feel very woozy (about to pass out, but she's fighting to not let it take her out). Her body was very weak but she could still see things and sense things. (Assuming this was the same drug that knocked her out to bring her to this place, she probably remembered it deep down but not enough to make her feel terrified about it, but enough to remind her how to fight being knocked out by the pill - unconsciously). (Everything from here on is just woozy, imagine her trying to not sleep/knocked out by the drug, but still trying very hard to do whatevers coming up) She was lifted by that woman who gave her the pill, and was placed in a helicopter-like pod. And she flew.. (The pod was automated, like an ejaculated pod with no controls, she was flying into wherever and the pod could only go in one direction)

She flew towards the mountains and saw that she was about to crash, she remembered she had "a phone" in her pocket. She took it out and called him. It was probably a video, as she could see a glimpse of him and she smiled. She tried explaining what just happened to her (still very woozy, so her talking is really slow and her eyes are pretty much closed or only with a slit of window left). As she crashed, she saw there were people in that mountain chopping down trees and as the pod spun, the other side of the forest was charred (after fire). She muttered "I love you" as her landing ceased and she passed out right after.

The scene switch to a hospital area, where I floated out of her body and was looking around. I couldn't find her, but I was at the door when he came in with his mother holding on to him. I knew this was him. He has come to see her.

(Those people at the forest saw her pod and rushed to her aid)
(He and his family tried reaching out to every hospital they know before finding out that she was in this hospital, confirming before making their way there)

Because of his disability, his mother arranged where by he could be in a bed next to hers while she recovers.

I had to wake up, the beds were set up and I knew that she was in the safe hands of the doctors and he was going to be there for her when she wakes up.

I don't know. But my heart had little aches when I woke up thinking about this dream, and it also had little aches as I was typing this out. My only wish is that they live happily ever after, because they are together now and that's all that matters.

I still don't know what her name is. Or if she even has a name, or maybe Toby figured out who she really is and would tell her all about it after she wakes up. :)

It's a great love stort, I am glad I wrote it down. :) ❤

xxxxxxxxxxxxx edit xxxxxxxxxxxxx

So I shared my dream with Jinwei and he went silent. Apparently he was trying to decipher my dream for me and he couldn't quite put it all together. Good thing I got him telling me that he was thinking of that, because otherwise I wouldn't have figured it out on my own!

SO!

I figured out that Toby was in fact Jinwei and his mother was helping him through his life at the moment, because he is unemployed and his mom has been trying to help through encouragement and support in getting a job.

The frogs probably represents the cats at RSPCA, that they would be fine if I didn't do anything to them because I know other volunteers and staff were doing a good job and no matter what happens, the cats will be okay.

The chicken represents my zoo life. It is probably a bit discreet to share. But if you're free enough to think carefully about it, you might understand. 

That muscly woman is someone who I hope would offer me a job - the pill, and that would elevate my life. 

It does seem like by the end of the day, if Jinwei is by my side it would just make me feel better. 

Harriet is asleep upstairs on our bed! It's the best time to blog about something or spend some time playing some games I've always wanted to. I mean, otherwise Harriet would just LOVE to sit on my keyboard and I can't do anything else other than to shut down, bring her away and let her fall asleep on my lap. She wouldn't sit on my lap quietly if I were to be sitting here in front of my laptop. There's just something about the keyboard, both on the laptop and desktop that she just likes to sit on and stare back at us. Then she would proceed to sleep on it.. Oh Harriet, what would I do without you. :)

Anyhoo, I have always feel like people don't understand me. To be honest, I don't know why that bothers me either.

??

The thing that triggered me today was the "statement" about me being a volunteer.
I love the fact that I get to spend some of my time doing something, but is it really for a good cause? At least that's what people would think I am doing so. I just do it because it makes me feel good.. also for me to gain some experience; people skills and potentially some 'working' skills, so that I could get a paid job after. It really is a good start to things.. I don't do it for the sole reason of me wanting to give back and be credited for that. I don't do it to tell people to see how good I am of a person, 'giving back' to whatever cause I am involved in. I just do it because it makes me feel good. It sounds rather selfish, but I am definitely getting something out of these experiences.

Back when I was an "intern" at Zoo Negara, I despised people who volunteered at the zoo. Because to be frank, I don't know what they are learning from these ONE DAY experience. Don't forget, volunteers are free manpower. Who wouldn't appreciate free man power for the day? I do feel like I would lose out for wasting one day of doing something and not learning anything from it. Anyways, back to those volunteers at Zoo Negara, they gave me that vibe where they are just doing it just so they are happy with the thought of "doing something good for the community". Then, the keepers weren't going to risk much and of course only gave the volunteers sweeping and cleaning tasks. Of course, volunteers would complain. This is when you know they aren't really sincere about volunteering in the first place. Sigh. 'Volunteering with friends' is even worse.

WELL. That wasn't very nice of me.

Because getting a spot as a volunteer for both RSPCA and Melbourne Zoo was a considerably lengthy process to go through.
1. Constant search and refresh on their websites about volunteer position openings.
2. Apply with a resume (includes questions to get to know you a little better).
3. Attend an interview.
4. Go through training.
5. Sit for an assessment/ test.
6. CONGRATULATIONS.
It takes about a month from the time you apply til the day you actually start as a volunteer.
There is also a probation period of 3 months with a commitment of at least one shift per fortnight.

YAY!
It's almost like a job.. with no pay.

Initially when I started, I wondered why am I doing so much eventhough I am only a volunteer. I don't really do simple stuff, I am actually helping to do stuff so that the 'company' runs smoother. I actually get pretty knackered by the end of each shift I do. I get absolutely happy when I get to be relieved early, but I wouldn't mind staying for the entire duration either. Like I said, it really does feel like I am working, for no pay. I was also hating on the fact that some people are doing less work than me but are getting paid to do them. BUT HEY, people need to start somewhere.. right? I sure hope so.

But I am really grateful that there are such positions available where it gives me a chance to learn some life/work skills before I get paid for my first job. Otherwise, I am probably never going to get hired.. at least I am hoping I am doing the right things this time. Aussies are serious about experiences, no matter how big or small, they would rather hire someone who has heaps more experience than somebody who has nothing. It's not about the brains here, it's all about EXPERIENCE.

I've always wanted to volunteer at RSPCA, but I never really gotten the chance to. This was back in uni when I lived in Clayton and was busy playing frisbee and "studying". But after I've graduated, I thought it would be a good start for me. It was the very first thing that I got a successful response from after a series of sorrys. From there, I knew I had to take a certificate 2 in Animal Care, a diploma sort of degree that focuses on the technical part rather than books and brains. During my 22nd birthday, Jinwei brought me to the zoo and I told myself I want to work there someday. I kept true to what I said, and applied for a volunteer position (after being rejected for a paid role). Which I was very proud of getting! But now I know that I probably don't want to work in a zoo for the rest of my life..

For my 23rd birthday, I will be spending my day at the zoo as a volunteer. :)

I am beaming on the inside. It is like a dream come true.

But of course, dreams have now been made to reality. Now I need to get a paid job somewhere..

Men and games.

I thought I would be fine with my boyfriend spending his time playing video games all day. I never thought I would be pissed and annoyed at the fact that he is spending most of his time playing video games all day.

Well, life has me getting very annoyed at him not actually spending his time searching and applying for jobs and instead sitting at his desktop playing LoL or Rocket League all day.. It particularly annoys me when he doesn't get things done. #LYFE

I mean, that's what his brother does all day and all night too. SIGH

Who am I to say anything. It's not like I am spending my time searching for jobs either..

I was supposed to start a new blog, just so I get to have an entire 'book' of happiness rather than mashing everything into one blog. But I never really gotten to do that. Even now, I am back to typing stuff in this old blog of mine. I guess in a way it does feel like I am growing up with this blog. The transition moments from when I had my first step into adulthood in 2011 as a 18 year old to 2016 as a 23 year old. Good moments and bad, I think I can embrace them all now. :)

Speaking of which, I probably had my first laptop when I started using this blog url. Now, I have a new laptop! Hooray me! Part of me feels cheeky, but other part of me felt rather accomplished. My new laptop is actually the same laptop, except that it's now silver and an upgrade of intel core i7. Minus the beats audio feature, but I guess that's not too bad. It's just as heavy and this time it's SILVER instead of my previous black. It does feel like I am using an apple product because of the silver coating. But I am happy that it's similar to my old laptop, in a way there's less adjustments to make and it's more of an upgrade to my older laptop which died of a broken fan due to overheating. 

WHAT HAS HAPPENED since I last posted..?

we've adopted Harriet! <3

my gorgeous little red burmese bub. 

I am now a volunteer at Melbourne Zoo

I am also a volunteer in the cattery of RSPCA burwood

and I'm still not done with my cert II ;D

I spent an entire year not looking for a job. It's a negative, but I'm not entirely depressed about it. In a way I kinda learned different set of knowledge and thought from that. Right now I guess, I really need to look for a job that pays. Hopefully now I am better qualified for a job that actually pays for my efforts. 

I haven't been complaining much about life. Except I still complain about everything to Jinwei. HAHA. unfortunate Jinwei. :x

Life without Facebook is pretty good too! :D

Though of course that meant I had more time on Instagram. But at least it's much easier to control as I could easily unfollow people on Instagram than on Facebook. This is simply because I am following less friends on Instagram than Facebook. In a way, it also made me much more difficult to reach. With that, it also closed a whole lot of doors for me. People had to go through Jinwei in order to reach me. Which I find rather relieving because when these matters do reach me, I would know that they are actual important issues. Being off Facebook also allowed me to explore life more.. it allowed me to feel and understand myself more which then allowed me to respond to other things surrounding me more organically.. if that even made sense. Maybe it's allowed me to feel slightly more confident with myself and the things I do, rather than constantly trying to showcase myself to others and wait for their response to prove that I am doing the right thing. This should be an entire post by itself. But that is fine.

I do feel very rusty typing stuff out now though. It has been almost an entire year since I last sat down and actually type about things. There had been so many good moments last year that I never bothered documenting. It does feel like I've lost a whole lot of momentos, now that I could never look back at it and go 'oh, that's what happened to me then'.

There had been so many new discoveries for me last year. Living with a partner has many ups and downs that I never manage to talk about. I wasn't sure if it was a good thing to talk about as I was afraid that it would come back and haunt me someday. But in all seriousness, I really need to remember how talking to myself (blogging) actually helps me clear up a thought or two and it is actually rather therapeutical. I can honestly say that I have been too dependent on Jinwei to keep my mind and thoughts in line. OH what should I do to remind myself no to?

Maybe now I've gotten past the phase of 'omg, we're living together' that I could sit down and find more time to be with myself. Right now I need to figure out what is best for myself, be more rational and feel less impulsive. That would take a while.. but I think I'll get there.

Nobody reads this, but this is like a little letter to my future self. 

'THIS IS WHO YOU WERE'

was your nintendo ds really a good idea? 

I wanted a wedding ceremony.

But I guess I have to elope now.