I have come to a point where I want to wrap things as a career. It just feels like I'd be happy to be using my hands to make things even though it's probably going to be repetitive hand motions over hundreds to times. Weird moment today. But fascinating thought into my mind. :)

Dear future me,

Please don't ever forget about how much Harriet means to you.

Present day Harriet is very happy with the new house/environment, loved both of us very dearly.  We have breakfast at 10am every morning with one serving of wet food (a quarter can of Fancy Feast) and a top up of dry food for the day. She will then sleep for the rest of the day, finding the best spot in the house: preferably somewhere sunny and quiet, somewhere near people or sometimes alone. At 5pm is when she needs her first set of funtertainment: running around chasing wand toys. At one point, she enjoyed being tossed onto the bed when it's on the living room floor. At 7pm is when she needs some cuddles and a short nap, preferably on your lap or your stomach. 9pm is when she needs another set of funtertainment before bedtime. Harriet can also jump up to your belly from the floor up! occasionally jumping to your shoulders just after you've showered, not sure why.

Best thing? She'll come to the door to greet you, rubbing her back all over the floor/rolling over.

❤

I witnessed my first euthanasia today.

I was supposed to be the one holding the cat for its euth, but it was reacting badly to the shaver, my senior stepped in. It wasn't a smooth one, but at least now I know what could have gone wrong and not feel terrible when it does go wrong.

That euthanising liquid is essentially a high concentration of anaesthesia. It is easily accessible, that's why you get so many vets committing suicide.

I don't know if I would do it again. I didn't have the time to process the thought. I just went straight back to work.

I figured today would have been the best time to learn this because everything seemed pretty aligned for me today: me exhausted, me having no emotions whatsoever because of exhaustion, me needing to push on for one more day, vet student seemed interested in learning too (I wasn't learning this by myself, it was relieving), vet seems very nice and patient to teach today, senior was around to teach me. It was now or never, so I jumped at it.

Now I am still too exhausted to think about how it made me feel. I only knew I didn't want to allow myself to feel anything.

It happened quickly.

Quick enough for me to not build any emotions, more of intrigued and part shocked at the same time.

It's for the best.

Fast forward a couple of months:

BauHaus Reserves 1
Seasonal Part Time Animal Attendant

I pretty much worked and played frisbee all summer. Now it's all gone. I don't think I actually had a good memorable summer this time. Which is kind of sad since summer is that one season I look forward to all the time. I used to get season depression where I tend to be a bit reserved as the months grow colder. BUT look at me now, I did not enjoy or have fun this summer at all. :(

I am also growing up as an adult now, and I absolutely hate every single bit about it. Every single thing. I now hate life in general and people even more than I used to.

Work tires me physically, mentally and emotionally. Frisbee is mentally frustrating.

WELL, I am just ranting about how my Summer went by without any good memories. Yes. This sucks. Adulthood sucks.

Haven't been working for about three months now, feeling all sorts of feeling at the moment.

I do feel like there is nothing left for me to do as I have already achieved whatever I really want to achieve. Maybe because I don't aim for a lot or that I want to be the best at what I do. I am okay being average. I just need to find something that I truly connect and find my self worth doing.

I do feel like there is more out there about myself to be discovered. So much interest, but which one do I want to make a reality that would help pay to feed my own mouth.

Painting my own nails have been very entertaining. It keeps me occupied for about 4 to 5 hours in a day, which is quite a large chunk of time. I get very satisfied with my effort too! The sparkles and the glitter that would last me a couple of days, a week if I am lucky. The excitement of trying something new after the current one falls off, keeps me excited, keeps me going, keeps me exploring.

That's not a job that would feed my mouth though. I still need to practice a lot too. Hrmm..

What to do, what to do.