Officially antisocial.

I feel socially awkward whenever I know I need to talk to others. It freaks me out whenever I know I need to do group assignments, or have any contact with anybody else.

Not a very nice thing to feel, not that I can avoid it either.

That unspeakable feeling I get whenever I am with people. The inner voice in me just screams, 'GET AWAY! GOOO! YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS!!', while I plant on a poker face, pretending I am all up for making new friends. Hrmmm. Hypocrisy.

It seems like I have learnt to build a wall around myself where I feel much safer within my own built walls. Even if it does get tempered with, at least I could piece it up together again from the inside. Then whenever I feel that it is safe to roam around on the outside, I would hop out of my wall and mingle around for abit, but returning to my wall eventually.

Found that my room is my physical wall, too. Though I may not feel as safe as I think it would feel back at home, it felt safe enough. I feel much more comfortable not needing to talk, I feel relaxed not needing to interact... I guess I got used to what I am given at this moment. Hrmmm.

Speaking of adaption, it is definitely getting colder by the day. Highest temperature would be 23 and it keeps decreasing once it reaches its peak temperature. Tough the lowest that I have seen so far would be... 5? It's NOT even winter yet. I need to get some leggings, and a knee high boots if I were to wear dresses or skirts or even shorts. I still wear shorts around though! And I did cut down on the number of clothes I am wearing now. Getting better adapted to the cold already. Hehehe. Yeayyyyy!!! :D

Though it is tempting me to do more shopping. Dang it. Two hoodies for 40aud from cotton on! Knee high boots for 40-50aud from rubi! :( How to save moneyyyyy?

My sis said that it is easier for girls to save money than guys because guys are constantly buying things for girls. Though I can't find prove that she said something along that lines at the moment. Maybe I was dreaming or something, but it is an interesting thought! Honestly, it's weird having somebody to pay things for me. For I know once I get used to it, I will figure ways to make others pay too. I mean, why pamper the girl when you can save your money for the wedding and the rings and the honey moon and trips? Those shit takes years accumulate money just to have them come true. Not forgetting a nice car and also a house where you can call home next time. I guess if it wasnt for me looking at my sis and bro going through so much money matters, starting from marriage onwards, I would probably think getting married is am everyday thing. O.o Even so, taking money from people is just not right for me. Not even birthday presents. Feels like I don't deserve those kind of things from anyone. :/ I rather spend money on my own, at least I know how much I am spending. Besides, spending money on a girl just... unnecessary. Really?

Hrmm. What other random things can I talk about today?

Oh right. I feel fatter now. Have always found it difficult to gain weight, but now I really do feel like I am actually gaining weight. Maybe I am being delusional, but I like the thought that I am gaining weight. The last time I weighed myself was about a month ago, weighing at 48kg. That is like at least a kg extra since I first step foot into Australia. Been eating as much as I can (though I still find ways to save money as much as I can most of the times), I still eat. I find joy in eating! :O I really doooooooo!!! I can never stop talking about food, can I? My god! It's an achievement for me to even gain weight after years of trying! Not to sure why it has always been difficult for me to gain weight. I get really annoyed when people ask me to eat more, and why am I so skinny. Sometimes, I wish I knew the answer to that, but it isnt like I am being anorexic or bulimic. I LOVE FOOD!!!! D: At least now that I think I am gaining weight, I guess I couldnt really care what people would say anymore? Hrmm. All I need to do, is weigh myself. If I see a 50, I know I am gaining weight a little too fast. IF I AM NOT, I WILL CONTINUE EATING AND EATING AND EATING AND EATING!!!

Raw carrot pieces, anyone? :)