September had been massive. To think back to the first day that I have set my foot here in Melbourne, it still feels surreal that things are changing that rapidly. At least for myself. Still partially wishing I could watch me run my life through a third person view. Thinking so, just makes me feel as though it is insanely awesome to do so. Somewhat like playing god. nehehehehehe. Though, doesn't it make you feel like you have no responsible for that being that you are watching from a third person view? Somehow, doesn't it cut down that burden for a tad bit? Or am I just being mad? :O

Let's try incorporating this into a FPS gamer view. First Player Shooter, the way I prefer my games to be played. In a way, you know you can control whatever your character is doing. Would have to say, it greatly reflects on what you do in real life. You press on W, you walk forward, you press D, you swerve to the right for a little. But in reality, you have so much more movement as compared to that. These games are limited, but depending on how you could toggle your mind in controlling your character, basically describes you.. almost accurately. My favourite character of TF2, would be the pyro. Given a fire blaster, I could pretty much run up to my enemy's face and burn the crap out of them. I remember my friend telling me: you somehow manage to get in the midst of all those people and somehow run out of it, perfectly fine. I like that sentence, probably not the exact words being said, but it did make me ponder a little bit on what I do both INgame and OFFgame.

It probably isn't a good idea to link video games to reality. But screw that, this is my blog, I wish to do what I wish. :D

How I see problems, I somehow omit the reality to what negative impacts it would bring upon me. Because of that, I usually ram into problems without thinking twice, and thought I would just deal with it when I am in it. From time to time, this would cause me to be stuck in it for quite some time. Would have to say, because I was pretty much unprepared for what was coming my way (like I said, I couldn't be bothered). The problem is that once I am in it, I would normally be thrown into exponentials of different directions, whereby I would be driven to the verge of giving up. But because I know if I give up, I will pretty much die there in the middle of it. Nope. Not the best place to die, at all. Why not just finish it up, and leave victorious, right?

Though the side effect to that is that, I may not completely solve the problem to a 100%. Problems in my case, are normally accomplished about 80% on an average, and I will be satisfied, then I am off. If by luck, I get a 100% on the effort, I will be ecstatic! Plus with the fact that my effort is almost never 100%, I would never put in high hopes either.

I aim to get the highest number of kills, every time I play TF2. Pyro fits perfectly with me, I would just run into my enemies, and blow torch the crap out of them and escape, hoping I had burned them enough to achieve my aim. It feels satisfying, really. Second favourite character, would be the sniper. On days when I feel like I have extra patience, this is the character for me! It tells a different story altogether too!

I really feel like I could describe each and every characters of TF2. Too much gaming moments going on for the past whole week. Please forgive me, I had been kills-deprived for quite some time now. :O

NAAAAHHHHH.

What if it's RPG? Role Playing Games, are what  I would call, playing God. Yes, you control whatever that character of yours do, but it still partially feels like there is only that much you can do to it. It will eventually do it's own things if you leave it idle. Games like Diablo3 and the Assassin's Creed series, allows you to have a view from the top down, giving you much more view as compared to what you see in FPS. I also sometimes find that RPG are alittle too true to be real. Why would the character have so much of loot space that you can practically LOOT so much, and run around like normal? At least FPS gives you limited loot, it feels much more... surreal?

Games like RPG, makes me feel better about myself, sometimes. It really does give me that feeling that I am watching myself playing God on myself. If that is possible, in any way. :P It feels like there is less responsiblitity held within, and you are free to watch yourself and tell yourself how to improve or where you are going wrong. Playing God, really.

Oh holy guardian angel of mine. Do you even exist? :O

"Then this little white fluffy thing gains eye contact with you, thinking it has your attention, it starts prancing towards your direction. There was pretty much nothing that could stop it as it gains momentum. All that is left to do is nothing but to sit there, and be mentally prepared for the impact that could come alongside with the enthusiasm this little thing has."

I was describing how Mika would have attacked me, whenever she seems me around the house, wanting to have a little play with me. :)

Thinking that I have no idea how to start talking about this, I decided to go all random (as usual). Totally out of topic, but still relevant at the same time. Thank goodness I am DONE with my essay assignments. What is left, is the final pieces of examination that stands between me and my first ever Summer holiday here in Melbourne.

I absolutely hate when that one particular item could mean so much to one person, when it is also most definitely insignificant to the rest of the world (unless of course, you share the same 'memory' behind that particular item). Been meaning to talk about it, but I could not comprehend the fact that this inanimate object is causing so much stir in my noggins. Much like a whirlpool of stir that it gets me jumbled up for words whenever I try describing it. Even now, I am trying to find the best way I can say this without being completely self-absorbed in it.

There is pretty much nowhere I could run, at least not anymore. How much this one thing has brought significant change in my life. That one medal, that one photo, and the crap load of thoughts I have regarding this (still not getting to the point, dang it).

Third placing for Ultimate Frisbee, Asean Games Australia 2012.

I have always been the sports person in school. Probably in a way, I may be boasting about it. But this was pretty much the only thing I can boast about, ever. Getting medals for almost every sports event I participated in school, those light weighted FAKE medals, didn't really mean much as compared to what I have today. Simply because back in schooling days, there weren't many people who were interested in sports, and I knew that I was only good enough for school standard, nothing when it comes to competing outside of it. Never would I have thought I could actually have the chance to grab hold of a medal once again. In a way, this one medal has brought back significant memories of how I used to be 'active at sports'.

I don't know how big of a deal AGA was, but it is the reason that I got introduced to an awesome bunch of frisbee players. Not only that, those training and outings with them got me knowing what the game of frisbee really is. To me, they seemed to be taking this game seriously, and that they were good at it. Until I got exposed to watching people from other universities play, then I knew even more than I ever knew about frisbee. Would have to say, because of the fact that I had initially underestimated this game, with now having so much exposure to this, I am officially addicted. Even if I don't get to play it professionally, but I have definitely gained a profound respect to all the frisbee players out there. Reminds me of cheer, really. The spirit is.. (insert dumbfound-simile here). Doubt I could get this part of my memories erased, ever. It felt like some flash-bang and it just blinded me almost immediately, that one long beep sound that comes right after, is still ongoing.

It really feels like I have so much more to share about what I know about this game. Though at the same time, it feels like I still don't know enough to talk about it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Plus the fact that I knew nothing about this game, I was pretty much the one with the least experience. A medal with that much knowledge, somehow didn't feel rather appropriate. As the dead weight, I just did whatever I could to contribute with the littlest I could. Because it was a live match, I pretty much had to force myself to learn more than I would normally have. "Mind over matter", was the one phrase that I kept repeating in my head whenever I felt like I could've contributed more, or whenever I felt like giving up. Fact that I only had 2 hours of sleep the night before, added that self pressure onto myself to push myself even more. It got a little overboard at one point, where I accidentally rammed into someone, and caused her to have a bruise in her head. :/

In all honesty, it still felt like a miracle that I actually gotten a medal for what had happened throughout a time of only less than 2 weeks. Still surprised that I even managed to push through the whole ordeal with only 2 hours of sleep, and an injured toe, and tired leg muscles. So yes, this one medal has caused a tidal wave through my thoughts and also given me a bunch of new friends and a terrible sunburn on my face. :D

Ultimate frisbee has literally blown my mind.
And I have no one else to thank, but you.
yeap! YOU! :D

<3

How feminine do I look, to how feminine I feel, doesn't feel like it matches up well at all. I would prefer to say that I am a tomboy sometimes, but at the same time, I want to feel feminine too. At one point of time, I actually questioned my own gender (at least this was when I was still a kid HAHAHA).

To be feminine, there are tonnes of self grooming to do. Probably less work to do when the guys need to dress up for something, but I am pretty sure guys and girls are spending almost the same amount when it comes to self grooming (which includes clothes and shoes and facial care products). I sometimes wish I had perfect skin without needing to care of it at all. I seriously wish so. Every female people who sees me would ask me: what do you do to your skin? Don't you take good care of it? Honestly, it felt like an embarrassement whenever they ask me so. Worst still, when I have a guy friend with perfect skin, while mine is like some thrashed up skin.

It is so bothersome. I could not comprehand worrying about my face all the time, when I have other important stuff to do like: cramming my brains with knowledge and making sure I have food to eat. Maybe you could say that it is an excuse for me to NOT give a bother about my own skincare. But at the same time, I don't get what is the whole fuss about.

The only bitch part is when I know I am supposed to be a female, taking care of myself and all, I literally FAIL.

The only girly part about me is, my dressing.

Correction, it is not even true. HAHAHAHAH. No doubt about it, I love dresses, shorts, and for sure, SHOPPING. I could not stand staring at a pretty dress, that costs so much, dreaming of wearing it. Problem is, would the money be worth purchasing that piece of wardrobe? When will I ever be able to wear that pretty dress? Those artists got me thinking, WHOAAAA! I WANNA DRESS UP AND BE PRETTY AS THEM TOO. Fact is, they get sponsored to wear that, while we have to slave to be pretty, just for that one time.

Don't even get me started on cosmetics. Those cosmetic ranges.. Maybelline, Loreal, Silkygirl? OMG.. Then you have concealer, powder, eyeliner, mascara, eyeshadow.. It literally is never ending. Girls pretty much spend their whole hour in the early morning of the days just getting themselves pretty. As for me? I couldn't be bothered at all. Honestly, this is an embarrassment to me as a GIRL. Seeing others putting up heavy make up for uni everyday, it ticks me off, honestly. I don't get how they could wake up in time to get those much stuff onto their face. I definitely couldn't. I prioritise sleep more than anything.

Hair? I could even not give a crap about this too, if its not the only thing fashionable that I can keep. I do drastic changes to my hair whenever I can. From the short bob hairdo, to thick bangs, and now, I finally have it straightened and highlighted. *secretly hoping to dye my hair purple someday*. Proper haircare? Shampoo everyday, conditioner it, then blow dry right after. Special treatment, would probably be rebonding and someother treatment that my mother always asks me to do.

WHY DO WE NEED TO SPEND SO MUCH MONEY ON GROOMING OURSELVES?!

Other than that, I have to admit, I fail to be a woman.

Going to events, you know you need to dress up and put on make up and shit. I, can't do them. My sister even paid for me to go for a make up class, of which I completely forgotten everything that I learned from. So, recently we had a Malaysian Ball. I had no clue what I was supposed to wear, and I had no ownage of any form of party heels, at all, and the worst of all, I screwed up my make up. *\^^/*

It should be an embarrassment, but I couldn't give any crap about it. But because it was compulsory, I had to do it. I definitely need a personal make up artist. :( aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Where on earth has my feminity vanished to?!

So I guess, I can't say that I am a woman, even, right?

SO IMMA BE A KID FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!

.. pewpewpew.

So... I went clubbing again on Friday night.

My second time in Melbourne, the third time in my life. Still not digging the clubbing scene. It felt a little like a sold-out concert with people practically in each other's faces, trying to find space and dance. Also, the loud music is pretty much deafening, especially when you stand below a speaker.

I still don't get the joy of clubbing. I somehow hope I could, so I could enjoy it with my friends who enjoys them. I mean, how could you enjoy something, when you don't enjoy it, when your friends are totally digging it. Somewhat like a party pooper, if you ask me.

Despite how much I love dancing, but it feels like I have no idea what I am doing when I am there in a club. The music has awesome beats, but dancing with heels is.. rather clumsy. Thanks to my big foot, and hopping girls in heels, I got nicely stomped on, a few times. Definitely horrifying when my toe is actually injured. Goodness knows how terrified I was when some crazy girl was dancing in a completely-out-of-her-mind state. Especially when I need to salvage my feet for miles of running the next day. :/

The club, was MAZE. One of the two clubs that were given to us as options to have our 'afterparty' after the Grand Malaysian Ball. Pretty sure majority of us went to Maze (Kuddos to the committee for the great event at Langham Hotel and the arrangement of everything). Maybe because it was free entrance for all who went to the ball, it seriously felt like another malaysian invasion moment. Everywhere I turn, I see Asian faces. According to my friend, Fridays were usually the Asian Night. Still not wishing to know what norms clubbing has. Noppee.

Though I like the fact that they had a few korean songs playing now and then. Too bad I am clumsy with heels and there was seriously limited place to dance like how I normally dance in my room, couldn't show off that I knew the choreo to them. HAHAHAHAHHA #win. And 'Gangnam Style' is definitely gotten overrated. It is being played almost everywhere now. That night itself, they had it on three times (Aren't you guys bored of the song and dance?).

OOOOHHH! And it was the first time that I saw police people in the club. One policeman and policewoman. Not too sure what they were doing there though. Can someone explain to me why does clubbing costs so much? Entrance fees, is not cheap at all (if I am not mistaken, much more expensive for males?). Then you have to pay to put your coats somewhere safe. Alcohols are expensive too. I am wondering how much money they could earn within one night. Seems like a good place to earn a living, even if it's just a part time job. The bartender seems easy, just pouring concoctions of alcohols, collecting money and watch people getting drunk. Considering that people will get thirsty, the bar will be constantly filled with people. Then not to forget the people who go clubs to get wasted, and have alcohol of almost any kind (wine is too classy for this, champagne is too 'kiddo' for this, do they have beer? hrmmmm).

I have yet to get a good experience with clubbing.
It got me thinking of all the clubbing songs the next morning, though. Made me feel like dancing even while I am walking. Even right now, it feels like I should start attending dance classes, cause I felt so lost when I am 'dancing' in a club (cause everyone is just hopping, and putting their hands in the air, waving like they just don't care, and a whole lot of body 'popping' and 'waves').

Still wishing I get to see some awesome dancers appearing out of nowhere, causing a scene on the dance floor, just like how the American dancing movies depict them.

OMG. I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVEN'T WATCH THE LATEST 'STEP UP' INSTALLATION!!!

Well. This new blogger layout is a pain in the bum. I only come here for the number of view I have, before switching it back to the older layout cause it was easier for me to navigate and type comfortably. No choice given now, I have to learn how to accept this new layout. *cringe*

For that first post with this, would definitely annoy me even more if the blogpost doesn't turn out like as I like it. JUST LIKE ASSIGNMENTS. You can never be too sure. NEVER. (I may be cursing on an off in this one, this thing has mentally drained me. FORGIVE MEEEEEEEEE)

Bloody hell.
What on Earth are assignments for? Do we actually learn from all this mental stress we have to go through, just to get it over and done with, perfectly? It feels like a threat from the education institution somehow. As though the syllabus wasn't difficult enough, they had to add our burden with assignments. Again, I question its function.

All I know is that assignments come in a few phases. It could drive you crazy, if you are not careful. Unless of course, you completely don't give a damn about it, it is a completely different case for you. But since you know it is 'weighted', you literally feel like there is no way out of this misery.

First, you are given the task. With no obvious clues attached, whatsoever. It literally does feel like you are being kidnapped and thrown into an unknown place, with only ONE SINGLE CLUE. Of course, you want to live, you try to figure it out, and work out HOW TO GET OUT OF IT ALIVE. If you are lucky, you have a very smart buddy who immediately grasps the idea of the assignment, and you could poke out a few clues out of him or her. In some super lucky cases, lecturers actually give you crap loads of clues (but of course, you have to be super duper lucky).

Then, you have to start researching on it. With the caution that, you should not use Wikipedia in anyway. Ironically, it is the only place we all turn to for a round-off idea of what we are supposed to do. For someone as DUMB as I am, Wikipedia is like my GOD. I mean, why would you want to go around the island when you could go through the island just to get to the other end, especially when you know NOTHING AT ALL. Somewhat taking the leap of faith, scavenging through the jungle and see if I could survive that or now. But of course, because we were told not to use wikipedia, we will eventually end up at the beach, taking the safer route to where we are supposed to go. Also, you have 50-50 percent chances in actually nailing it, or getting totally off course. :/

Third, execution. Literally. The most dreading part of it all. You have to start carrying out your plans and everything that you have researched for. As you go through this, you will start doubting what you initially found. Like I said, DUMB people like me will have the most difficult time in this. As I write my essay, I start to find that my research was not significant enough, and I ended up detouring, going back to the research phase. Most of the time, I start slacking. Simply because it takes forever to search for the things you need (or at least you think so).

Lastly, be the grammar nazi. On your own work. Not to forget to be all Kim Jong-Il with your work too. You have to make go through whatever you have done, wondering if the 'marker' would like it or not. Even if you convince yourself that you are doing it right, when you get your marks returned, you will most likely have your head blown off.

Not to forget the nonsense emotions these thing brings along. You have to constantly think of the due date. Being an AVERAGE student, I would normally slack it off for the first 60% of the time from it is give til the dateline. The last 40% of the time would be spent trying to get it done on time, and also properly. I would have to agree if you say that it is dumb to do so, but who wouldn't do it when you know it is going to eat up most of your time?

Assignments have never been easy to deal with. It always felt like an extra burden. :/ It pushes EVERYTHING back, because it eats up that much of our time. Yes, it may come along with appropriate time frame for research and everything. But I have never once seen anyone commenting happily and joyfully about the fact that they have assignments to do. Normally the celebration comes right after it is over and done with. This, is normally celebrated with a deep, long dose of sleep. The most rewarding thing ever.

I have just finished 3 essays within one month. 1k for environmental biology, 1k for biology, and 2k for my geography unit. The referencing is a pain in the bum (much like this layout I am trying to get used to. dang it!). Can't imagine what year 2 and year 3 would be like if I am already taking this terribly. :/

Spring break, next week. I have to use that to catch up with all my lectures and studies. Also been lacking of sleep for a few nights now, and I haven't been having proper meals either. Dear body, I am sorry for all this torture. I shall blame myself for the bad management of time.

But seriously, can somebody please enlighten me about the purposes of assignments?!

DAMNIT.