How feminine do I look, to how feminine I feel, doesn't feel like it matches up well at all. I would prefer to say that I am a tomboy sometimes, but at the same time, I want to feel feminine too. At one point of time, I actually questioned my own gender (at least this was when I was still a kid HAHAHA).

To be feminine, there are tonnes of self grooming to do. Probably less work to do when the guys need to dress up for something, but I am pretty sure guys and girls are spending almost the same amount when it comes to self grooming (which includes clothes and shoes and facial care products). I sometimes wish I had perfect skin without needing to care of it at all. I seriously wish so. Every female people who sees me would ask me: what do you do to your skin? Don't you take good care of it? Honestly, it felt like an embarrassement whenever they ask me so. Worst still, when I have a guy friend with perfect skin, while mine is like some thrashed up skin.

It is so bothersome. I could not comprehand worrying about my face all the time, when I have other important stuff to do like: cramming my brains with knowledge and making sure I have food to eat. Maybe you could say that it is an excuse for me to NOT give a bother about my own skincare. But at the same time, I don't get what is the whole fuss about.

The only bitch part is when I know I am supposed to be a female, taking care of myself and all, I literally FAIL.

The only girly part about me is, my dressing.

Correction, it is not even true. HAHAHAHAH. No doubt about it, I love dresses, shorts, and for sure, SHOPPING. I could not stand staring at a pretty dress, that costs so much, dreaming of wearing it. Problem is, would the money be worth purchasing that piece of wardrobe? When will I ever be able to wear that pretty dress? Those artists got me thinking, WHOAAAA! I WANNA DRESS UP AND BE PRETTY AS THEM TOO. Fact is, they get sponsored to wear that, while we have to slave to be pretty, just for that one time.

Don't even get me started on cosmetics. Those cosmetic ranges.. Maybelline, Loreal, Silkygirl? OMG.. Then you have concealer, powder, eyeliner, mascara, eyeshadow.. It literally is never ending. Girls pretty much spend their whole hour in the early morning of the days just getting themselves pretty. As for me? I couldn't be bothered at all. Honestly, this is an embarrassment to me as a GIRL. Seeing others putting up heavy make up for uni everyday, it ticks me off, honestly. I don't get how they could wake up in time to get those much stuff onto their face. I definitely couldn't. I prioritise sleep more than anything.

Hair? I could even not give a crap about this too, if its not the only thing fashionable that I can keep. I do drastic changes to my hair whenever I can. From the short bob hairdo, to thick bangs, and now, I finally have it straightened and highlighted. *secretly hoping to dye my hair purple someday*. Proper haircare? Shampoo everyday, conditioner it, then blow dry right after. Special treatment, would probably be rebonding and someother treatment that my mother always asks me to do.

WHY DO WE NEED TO SPEND SO MUCH MONEY ON GROOMING OURSELVES?!

Other than that, I have to admit, I fail to be a woman.

Going to events, you know you need to dress up and put on make up and shit. I, can't do them. My sister even paid for me to go for a make up class, of which I completely forgotten everything that I learned from. So, recently we had a Malaysian Ball. I had no clue what I was supposed to wear, and I had no ownage of any form of party heels, at all, and the worst of all, I screwed up my make up. *\^^/*

It should be an embarrassment, but I couldn't give any crap about it. But because it was compulsory, I had to do it. I definitely need a personal make up artist. :( aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Where on earth has my feminity vanished to?!

So I guess, I can't say that I am a woman, even, right?

SO IMMA BE A KID FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!

.. pewpewpew.