1 Aug 2013

Rejection.

How would you react to rejection? How would you reject? How would you know if you are rejecting? Why rejection? 

Is there even an answer to this?

I can only tell that hearts will be broken, when someone comes into realisation that all those gestures would have meant otherwise. Hiding the truth from the said, simply because it was the better option than a complete rejection. A white lie. Keep it in and forever hold your peace, or make a statement and crush hearts and dreams?

It's really odd having a break on Thursdays. It is in between schooling days of 9am, my body would automatically wake me up at 8.20am and then I will just sit there, wide awake. I could have studied, but it's week 1.. there is barely anything to study! Also I spent 4 hours in the library yesterday, from 11am til 3pm. By right, it is a peak hour between 12-1, would normally be extremely difficult to get a place at the computers then. But duhhhhhhh.. week 1. Literally nobody goes to thr library.. it's a good practice to get the habit kick in for the rest of the semester, I guess. But I spent my off day today, watching movies and learning a dance.

What's retarded about it is that I didn't even get to do that when I was on my winter holidays. I had been going everywhere that I barely used my laptop. LOL.

I always say, 'I am a loner, I don't have friends in uni'. Technically, it is true. But of course this is dependent on how you define "friends". Cause I don't know what it truly means. I have people who I can just say hi and have random conversations with. But not friends who would call me out for a hangout session and have long talks about life's frustrations. With that, I succumbed into my own little world, where I sit alone in the library, and spend hours working on my study notes. At least it keeps me occupied, and not feeling all depressed about how I don't get to hang out with people and have a proper social life.

In all honesty, I get extremely jealous when my housemates have friends calling them from overseas or when they get to go out on some random get together with their own friends. Or when I meet other people and they te me wondrous adventures of them with their own group of friends. Then I'll go like, 'yeahh.. I guess my best friend is my books and coloured pens.. as well as my frisbee discs..'.

Then again, I guess it really is my fault for not putting in effort to make those lasting friendships. But I can't be blamed for being unreasonably scared for putting in effort, to only getting treated in a different way.. that, is just sad.

Ultimate frisbee, really is my only source of life beyond books. My non-asian friends all come from ulti.. gg.

Still don't know what to do with my degree. It seems so easy for the locals to get jobs here. With my dumb brainless results, also my status as an international student.. I really do forsee that it is going to be extremely difficult for me to get a job. My only hope now, is that I will remain strong enough to pursue my dreams, the way I planned. It really does seem absolutely ridiculous now.. but I have after all come so far.. the only thing left for me to do is to push on, regardless.

:/