Apparently you can find everything on the Internet. I have been trying to search for answers from the Internet, rather than consolidating with a peer, or someone who may be wiser than me. For an example, I just googled the word 'consolidate' to see if the word matches in with the sentence as that word merely popped up in my head as I was typing that sentence down.
I can't sleep. I feel paranoid with overwhelming thoughts regarding the unknown future.
It has probably stuck by me for a quite a period of time already, without me realising it. It seems to be hurting me so much now, that the initial happiness I had with it, didn't seem worth it at all. It brought me a whole new life, yet at the same time it was draining my soul by the day. Somewhat like a feeling being all happy amongst the clouds, then suddenly it disappears and now yoy are free falling to the ground with no safety parachut whatsoever. Kinda feel like you never had that luxurious moment if you knew you had to pay for it..
Feel. That's an expression of emotions that could not be spoken of. It didn't seem like it would do any good by mentioning. In fact, my having a go at sharing that thought gave me an impression that I would cause unnecessary trouble instead. Even when deep down in my heart knew it was better to voice it out. But I guess, by doing so, it's another heavy price to pay.. apparently.
Shunned. I have only my blog to express myself however I want to without having that rejection and disapproval from the public eye.
Fight against this negativity. I can't. Or I guess in your point of view, I choose negativity over positivity. I swear for the first 18 years of my life, positivity was 75% of the time expressed. It was only not too long ago where I came to acceptance that I had only given myself a separate perfect world to get away from, realising that reality was nothing like that. Reality seems to be grabbing my soul, crushing every little dream and fantasy that I have into speckles of dust.
Why can't I be upset?
I don't want to fight anymore.
No comments:
Post a Comment