There are days where I feel extremely bold. Days where I couldn't be bothered about what people would think of me, days where I'd like to show the world that its okay to be completely abnormal, days where I would go all out and do everything I've always dream of doing. That one particular day when I wish to be spectacular and that everyone remembers that one thing that I did that no one else would ever dare trying.
But there are other days where I feel like hiding under my blankets, never wanting to leave the bed ever. Days like these feel like there was no reason to be awake, even. Days where you just don't have that strength to get up and do normal things like making a cup of hot chocolate and to sit and enjoy nature as it is.
Sometimes I question, how is it even possible for a person to have such extreme changes in personality on such a short period of time. One moment you're happy, but the next you're just nothing. No doubt about it that happiness is a drive that makes a person strive to achieve it. But other times, it didn't seem worth the struggle to reach a happy place.
It didn't seem like happiness would last long, it didn't seem like the effort made to stay happy was worth anything. How does one stay happy? Isn't it a constant input of something external that would keep it alive? Somewhat like how a fire dies out whenever the fuel runs dry?
Then again, to read back what I written in the first paragraph somehow depicts that I had the intentions to 'please' the 'world'. To be accepted and to be seen by the people, to be heard by the people to know who I truly am. But it all doesn't make sense, for it depicts that I am putting a show to garner attention.
Isn't it a constant struggle to find where you are most fitted, a place where you know they will accept you for who you are even when you are at your worst? That love and care from others..
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