The problem with a completely new fleet of committees is that everyone has no clue whatsoever that has happened in the past and that every new decision made by these people will mean there will be drastic changes. I should've stepped off when I could. I am always regretting my decision! OMG. Do you have any idea how stupid I am. :(

But anyway, changes are seemingly drastic from what I had gone through for the entire of the first year with MUMSU. Right now, I couldn't really absorb and adapt to the changes that is happening. Sometimes I feel like I should step up and show them what we had done before and what had worked then. But at the same time, I couldn't help myself for feeling angry at the fact that they wouldn't listen to me as they have no clue whatsoever I am talking about. They pretty much have the same thought 'so what?'. I feel like the naggy old auntie who keeps telling them about things, yet I can't stop myself from doing it.

Understanding that this is a complete new fleet, everybody is absolutely keen with their own ideas. It's good. But I guess I am sort of 'OLD' that I know that this adrenaline rush will eventually die out and probably wouldn't come back again once it's out. I feel like that meanie trying to tell that that their ideas are not feasible as I understood how I was extremely keen my first time around and I got turned down a million of times to only understanding it NOW why I got turned down. Simply because they all seemed ridiculous and there were way too many variables and matters to worry about. If it wasn't the numbers, it was the money. If it wasn't the man power, it was the availability of the committees itself. I can feel myself understanding why sometimes it is impossible to run things properly and I can't help but to want things to be done flawlessly now that I know what has happened before and I would know how to tackle that problem this time around.

It is indeed very frustrating as I don't know how to word myself correctly. I kept in mind that they have no prior experience of starting the club from scratch and that they are absolutely keen in everything. There was literally nothing I can do but to watch them mumble and fumble about with their projects and stuff.

Though in a way, their keen spirit is still strong. In which I can see people are actually trying to get stuff done as soon as they can.. or so I can say for the time being. But I hope they know what they are doing and that they don't regret whatever they are doing with their decisions.

I made sure I took the smallest part of the committee as I know I could barely commit myself into MUMSU like how I used to. The negativity in me would be the driving force where I would just hate absolutely everything that is happening. I can't forget the day where I got lectured on my birthday for being too keen. That pretty much scarred me for life.

I really don't know how to pace myself and not know how to react and be a person whenever I am thrown into different situations. It kills me when I see people being able to be whoever they want and getting away with it, but I can't let my true self go freely for one bit without getting pulled away for a solo lecture.

Sucks.