I have been having issues with myself. I can't figure out what is going on to me, but one thing I know for sure is that I have been crying almost everyday since the day that I have returned from my trip to Malaysia.

One image in my head that prominently popped up was the image of a friend whom we've had an unfortunate misunderstanding and it was a terrible one. It wasn't the typical kind of misunderstanding, it was one where any word that would be mentioned by either one of us could potentially start a war. It was best to not bring it up at all.

But of course, this one image remained in my head as though it was a poison to me. The moment this memory pops up in my head, it made me think a series of other misfortunes I had with friendships that has pretty much shattered and drifted away ever since I stepped foot in this foreign land.

Every visit home was as though life was giving me a big gigantic slap in the face that 'this is what you get for leaving the country and leaving your past behind'. It isn't anybody's fault to be blamed upon, but I can't escape from the fact that I am already blaming myself for all the losses.

Home didn't feel like home anymore, this foreign land isn't really my home either..

Yes it is true, people will walk in and out of our lives more often than expected especially as we age beyond teenage days. But it is now a fear to even create a bond knowing that it wouldn't last.

It is almost like there isn't a reason to do anything anymore.