When the semester started, I started driving myself crazy: what am I going to do after I graduate?

I mean, I have zero experience, and nobody would hire if you have no experience whatsoever. People tell me that I should work, but I couldn't see how if I will have time for anything else if I did work. Well, my priority for the past two years were mainly me trying to figure my life and find a place to belong to. At least, I would think so. The amount of unnecessary depression that I put myself into.. is just stupid. Yet I can't help but to feel that way.

So after two whole years in Melbourne, I still couldn't feel like I have somewhere I would belong to. Friends in Malaysia were.. living their own lives and I still find it absolutely difficult to mingle with the people here. I ended up having friends whom I will 'bump into' once in a while in uni and have a mini catch up session before running along to whatever we had to do. I kept myself busy, playing Ultimate Frisbee and dedicating so much of my time into MUMSU as well. I really thought by putting myself out there, I would be exposed to different sort of experiences with hopes of having proper friendship at least. But of course, time passed on by and I could still feel that loneliness that would kill me slowly if I let it.

Studies hadn't been that much of an easy ride either. Well, it's university. I don't feel like I am one bit prepared for this. I try adapting to this life of mine, but I know deep down that I am deteriorating without me realising it. Say for example, I've managed to gain 5kg within the first 6 months that I was here in Melbourne. Life was good, experimenting, having fun absorbing all these new joyous experience and everything. Now everything is normal.. I get caught up with work and then I look at the empty kitchen and just felt like I'd rather starve than actually making food for myself to eat. Even in uni, I'd just sit in the library and try to study as much as I can.

I actually stopped playing Ultimate. Like I can't even believe I am actually doing it. I feel like I really should be spending more time on my studies. Which I have. Yet at the same time, I miss running on the field and watching others play as well.. :/

I couldn't find a reason to go back onto the field. It always feels like there is something that needs to be done instead, but I just can't quite figure out what it is..

On the bright side, I've applied for a placement in Melbourne Zoo and Zoo Negara. Today, I got my response from Zoo Negara. And yes, I'll be going home for the month to gain some experience.
As for now, I've got to go back to my studies.

two scientific reports to write, one statistics assignment to do, two mid semesters tests next week.. and a trip that I am organising for MUMSU end of week7.. Kinda wish I could just murder myself at this point of time. But..