After glooming around due to the Lack Of Attention I have from my friends, I have decided to occupy my mind with studying. Sound a whole lot depressing than I first thought it would be. Had been warned by my sister earlier that all these chattings with friends would eventually stop and disappear within a month, tops. True enough, I am two days short of my 1 month stay here in Aussie, and the majority of people had in fact disappeared.
It did take me some time to take control over this overwhelming feeling of being lonely. I mean, I couldn't help it. The loneliness does kick in rather harshly, especially when I wake up to find that I have nothing to do. Those would be the moments that I would just sit there, finding no energy or any point to even get out of bed then. This ocassionally happens during weekends, where I can have at least a day's rest from the load of studying I need to do.
All these while when I am here, I kept denying that I was feeling lonely, and that it was taking me sometime to get used to the place and all. Truth is, I managed to settle down quite easily, as in when it comes to my new house. I just immediately felt like it was my home. At least it provided a 'sanctuary' for me to just sit there and just collect my thoughts, and do absolutely anything I want to.
In a way, the classes are structured where we have hardly any time for us to socialise, and the only time we could is probably during our own free time. Knowing I am the kind of person who would rather be alone than to feel like I am bugging someone else, it tends to get a little bit upsetting sometimes. Somewhat like you see a group of people, happily giggling away, you wouldn't want to jump in in the middle of nowhere and spoil the fun, no? Chances of you spoiling the fun in that matter would be much higher than you actually joining in the fun. Yeap. It got me in the mode of extra unnecessary thinking all over again. Depriving myself from communicating and making friends. At this point, I do believe I am rather desperate to have a company with me.
Maybe it's just me feeling insecure, maybe it's just me being silly, whichever it is, this is what that has been happening since uni started.
I suppose I can actually get used to this. After all, my goal was to come here and get proper education. Never really giving it a thought of anything else, really.
Fact that some of my friends back in Malaysia are saying that they will be coming over next year to continue their education. It got me really excited, knowing that I will have some company when they do come. But then reality came in and kick me in the face; they will be off in a different campus, their lives would be a different one, where I might end up not fitting the same spot I left behind. THE ENZYME-SUBSTRATE ACTIVE SITE HAS DENATURED! As you can see, the studying has gotten the best of me. HAHAHA I SOUND LIKE A NERD! YEAYYYYY!!!!!! For once in my life, I could actually be a proper nerd. :F
...
Tracking back, in an event if they do come, I would definitely try to see if I still can fit into that space I left in that friendship of ours, if I succeed, then yeay! If I don't then maybe it's just not my luck. :O
But regardless, I will still need friends around here, it's just that I have pretty much given up trying to make friends. Right now, I am planning to join the clubs activities, maybe some interest would spark up somewhere and the conversation would flow smoothly then. *fingers crossed*
AS OF NOW...
I shall resume studying. :)
and also eating. :D
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
FIRST WEEK OF UNI!
i learned to cook
i learned to take the bus
i learned how to walk home without complaining
i did my own grocery shopping
i fell in love with monash uni
i studied willingly
heh. first week was kinda of hell-ish, to be honest. It was a total start to a life that I will beliving for what, the next three years? And this is only the beginning. One must be questioning, HOW MANY HUNDREDS OF BEGINNINGS AM I GOING TO HAVE?! I am going to have many new beginnings for I forsee that I will want to learn something new everyday. I AM BORED TO DEATH with the current routine I have. So, let me explore MORE and have more beginnings as time passes. :D One thing that I can be optimistic about. Don't get me wrong, I do like where I am now, just that I'd like to spice things up a little now and then, making everyday worth living, worth smiling over. :)
What studying in uni like is definitely nothing like what we had for the past 12 years of education, probably 14 years for those who went kindergaten, but this, is fully on your own. You don't study, you are toast, then you are generally wasting your parents' money on this crap called : waste of time. I realise I am in deep shit when the lecturers started talking crap that I have no clue of, and also the fact that some repeatance of what we learned the year before, I could easily fall asleep when the lecture gets into that monotone-like lecture. :/ We even have tests to do on our first week here. Right after the orientation, this week, was full speed on studying already. If I don't follow up, I would definitely be unable to catch up. :/
Thus the guilt for being dumb, and also the lack of socializing, I thought I would get myself occupied by studying. Never have I felt so enthusiastic to study before. Like NEVER. Have always been the ultimate lazy bum and only studying at the last minute before the exam kind. I can't do that here anymore. Best still, I have to study before the lecture starts lecturing about that particular chapter. They expect us to do study and do that test that WE HAVE NEVER learned before, before sitting in class for the lecture. How on earth could I afford to be lazy like that?! :(
And all my tests are online. And are all assessed, compiling marks for my total end marks. Well, at least I have a reason to study and not play around now. :O "NO EXCUSES FOR NOT STUDYING". ._. Sounds quite scary, really. But since they accepted me, and since my mom agreed in paying for my education, I guess I will make the best out of this shit. :D
WHEEEE~ 20hours lecture per week. Plus a whole lot of self studying... can I actually work? hrmmmmmm...
Ah yes, the textbooks are badass thick and expensive. :(
At this moment, I MISS AUSMAT!
we were spoonfed then. Until miss Rekka came in and we were all complaining like mad because she wasn't helping us at all. AT ALL.
hehe. High School was still crap.
AusMat was ze bomb. :D
right now, Uni seems scary. :|
wahahahahhaha
but I still love it here.
LIKE LOVE!
I WILL FIND MY WAY AROUND THIS SHIT!
ROAR!!!!!!
<3
i learned to cook
i learned to take the bus
i learned how to walk home without complaining
i did my own grocery shopping
i fell in love with monash uni
i studied willingly
heh. first week was kinda of hell-ish, to be honest. It was a total start to a life that I will beliving for what, the next three years? And this is only the beginning. One must be questioning, HOW MANY HUNDREDS OF BEGINNINGS AM I GOING TO HAVE?! I am going to have many new beginnings for I forsee that I will want to learn something new everyday. I AM BORED TO DEATH with the current routine I have. So, let me explore MORE and have more beginnings as time passes. :D One thing that I can be optimistic about. Don't get me wrong, I do like where I am now, just that I'd like to spice things up a little now and then, making everyday worth living, worth smiling over. :)
What studying in uni like is definitely nothing like what we had for the past 12 years of education, probably 14 years for those who went kindergaten, but this, is fully on your own. You don't study, you are toast, then you are generally wasting your parents' money on this crap called : waste of time. I realise I am in deep shit when the lecturers started talking crap that I have no clue of, and also the fact that some repeatance of what we learned the year before, I could easily fall asleep when the lecture gets into that monotone-like lecture. :/ We even have tests to do on our first week here. Right after the orientation, this week, was full speed on studying already. If I don't follow up, I would definitely be unable to catch up. :/
Thus the guilt for being dumb, and also the lack of socializing, I thought I would get myself occupied by studying. Never have I felt so enthusiastic to study before. Like NEVER. Have always been the ultimate lazy bum and only studying at the last minute before the exam kind. I can't do that here anymore. Best still, I have to study before the lecture starts lecturing about that particular chapter. They expect us to do study and do that test that WE HAVE NEVER learned before, before sitting in class for the lecture. How on earth could I afford to be lazy like that?! :(
And all my tests are online. And are all assessed, compiling marks for my total end marks. Well, at least I have a reason to study and not play around now. :O "NO EXCUSES FOR NOT STUDYING". ._. Sounds quite scary, really. But since they accepted me, and since my mom agreed in paying for my education, I guess I will make the best out of this shit. :D
WHEEEE~ 20hours lecture per week. Plus a whole lot of self studying... can I actually work? hrmmmmmm...
Ah yes, the textbooks are badass thick and expensive. :(
At this moment, I MISS AUSMAT!
we were spoonfed then. Until miss Rekka came in and we were all complaining like mad because she wasn't helping us at all. AT ALL.
hehe. High School was still crap.
AusMat was ze bomb. :D
right now, Uni seems scary. :|
wahahahahhaha
but I still love it here.
LIKE LOVE!
I WILL FIND MY WAY AROUND THIS SHIT!
ROAR!!!!!!
<3
Saturday, March 3, 2012
I can't possibly study for the whole day and the whole year, can I? And since I have been using it as an excuse to get myself occupied off those unnecessary homesickness feelings, it was about time to find some entertainment in life. While making friends seems a tad bit difficult at the moment, I guess I should just explore my love for food a little deeper. :D
I just finished chopping up some vegetables and prepared my clam for boiling. An attempt today after watching my aunt doing this for a billion of times ever since I lived with her, I had a faint idea on what I was doing. But nope, I could not just go do things like how everybody does, I had to stubbornly make a twist out of it. That was the only entertainment I have about cooking! D: It was still worth doing, after all, it would give me that tiny pinch of adrenaline rush, worrying that the food might turn up nasty and that I would have to swallow the whole thing down with a constipated face on the already ugly face of mine.
I had always try my best NOT TO COOK. Probably because I always had my auntie who would be cooking delicious food for me, and also the fact that I would probably wreck a thing or two in the kitchen while I fidget my way through JUST TO GET THE MEAL DONE. My auntie is the expert, didn't even want me to be in the kitchen if she could. I GLADLY LISTENED, and stayed away from the kitchen... and only eating her godly made food that is being served. I never fail to ask : what's for lunch? or what's for dinner? And now? I HAVE TO ASK MYSELF THAT QUESTION E.V.E.R.Y.H.O.U.R! I feel her pain now. aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh
It came to a point where I would rather do the dishes and find somebody to cook for me. Since most of the people whom I have talked to about cooking, would all complain about the cleaning up. What I was more concerned of was the taste of the food, more than the trouble to clean up after. I believe I have actually spoiled my taste buds that I am eating whatever bland food there is out there, JUST TO FILL MY TUMMY. I miss eating good food. Like seriously good food. :(
Speaking of food, I have only attempted to cook... 3 times since I got here. I have been here for almost a whole month now, and I have only cooked 3 times. Heroic isn't it? Not surprised how my tastebuds gone bland. :/
So, my first meal was me cooking Maggi noodles plus spaghetti sauce. Superb moment when I saw those bacons jumping around on the pan. Based on what I have heard all these time, flying OIL can burn... that freaked me out a little. HAHA. Turns out, the spaghetti sauce was a little too salty for the noodles. Lesson leart : USE THE FREGGIN PASTA! NOT MAGGI MEE!!!!!
session 2: Campbell soup plus frozen vege. It was a no-brainer really. Just heat up the pot to cook the soup and pop the frozen vege into the microwave. I could not have enough of BACON. This time I learnt not to put oil when cooking bacon. IT STOPPED JUMPING AROUND!!! *success* I ended up putting the vege and bacon into the soup. out of laziness. :D
session 3: attempt to boil ABC soup. Seemingly it is the easiest kind of chinese soup to boil. You get potato, tomato, carrot or any vege, really and pop them into the pot to boil. Not to forget some PORK or any other meat to go along with it. No, I did not put bacon in it. Twist to this is that, I will be putting some clams to be boiled along with later. :D
Let's see if that one works.
At least I don't feel so pressured when all I have to think of is studying for now. :D I CAN THINK ABOUT COOKING! Perfect time to start browsing through the cookbook my sis and Ben got for me birthday. Hehehehehehehehe.
Maybe I could start baking too. :O
But I would really love it if somebody would cook for me. :/
I miss my aunt's cooking. :(
I just finished chopping up some vegetables and prepared my clam for boiling. An attempt today after watching my aunt doing this for a billion of times ever since I lived with her, I had a faint idea on what I was doing. But nope, I could not just go do things like how everybody does, I had to stubbornly make a twist out of it. That was the only entertainment I have about cooking! D: It was still worth doing, after all, it would give me that tiny pinch of adrenaline rush, worrying that the food might turn up nasty and that I would have to swallow the whole thing down with a constipated face on the already ugly face of mine.
I had always try my best NOT TO COOK. Probably because I always had my auntie who would be cooking delicious food for me, and also the fact that I would probably wreck a thing or two in the kitchen while I fidget my way through JUST TO GET THE MEAL DONE. My auntie is the expert, didn't even want me to be in the kitchen if she could. I GLADLY LISTENED, and stayed away from the kitchen... and only eating her godly made food that is being served. I never fail to ask : what's for lunch? or what's for dinner? And now? I HAVE TO ASK MYSELF THAT QUESTION E.V.E.R.Y.H.O.U.R! I feel her pain now. aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh
It came to a point where I would rather do the dishes and find somebody to cook for me. Since most of the people whom I have talked to about cooking, would all complain about the cleaning up. What I was more concerned of was the taste of the food, more than the trouble to clean up after. I believe I have actually spoiled my taste buds that I am eating whatever bland food there is out there, JUST TO FILL MY TUMMY. I miss eating good food. Like seriously good food. :(
Speaking of food, I have only attempted to cook... 3 times since I got here. I have been here for almost a whole month now, and I have only cooked 3 times. Heroic isn't it? Not surprised how my tastebuds gone bland. :/
So, my first meal was me cooking Maggi noodles plus spaghetti sauce. Superb moment when I saw those bacons jumping around on the pan. Based on what I have heard all these time, flying OIL can burn... that freaked me out a little. HAHA. Turns out, the spaghetti sauce was a little too salty for the noodles. Lesson leart : USE THE FREGGIN PASTA! NOT MAGGI MEE!!!!!
session 2: Campbell soup plus frozen vege. It was a no-brainer really. Just heat up the pot to cook the soup and pop the frozen vege into the microwave. I could not have enough of BACON. This time I learnt not to put oil when cooking bacon. IT STOPPED JUMPING AROUND!!! *success* I ended up putting the vege and bacon into the soup. out of laziness. :D
session 3: attempt to boil ABC soup. Seemingly it is the easiest kind of chinese soup to boil. You get potato, tomato, carrot or any vege, really and pop them into the pot to boil. Not to forget some PORK or any other meat to go along with it. No, I did not put bacon in it. Twist to this is that, I will be putting some clams to be boiled along with later. :D
Let's see if that one works.
At least I don't feel so pressured when all I have to think of is studying for now. :D I CAN THINK ABOUT COOKING! Perfect time to start browsing through the cookbook my sis and Ben got for me birthday. Hehehehehehehehe.
Maybe I could start baking too. :O
But I would really love it if somebody would cook for me. :/
I miss my aunt's cooking. :(
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Funny how life changes you.
I remember back when I was in Malaysia, I would spend lavishly and only eat good food. Today, I am eating crap food, and whatever that is filling enough to keep my tummy from grumbling. I used to complain at almost everything, literally EVERYTHING when I was given the chance to. Here? Not much, I'd probably just sit at a corner and agree with whatever people has to say, taking everything that is being given to me like nobody has ever given me anything before and not to forget, calculating at almost every single thing I spent on. During my first 2 weesk, I was still in my princess mode, right now, I feel like a hostage to myself.
Is this what you call student life? You practically do things whatever you feel that is appropriate and right at that time, while a thousand of thoughts run through your mind for a concentrated filter before making the final decision. Purchasing the cheapest of the lot, paying for tge necessary, and even having that thought that you might not have enough money to spend even. Being extremely thankful and extremely excited when you get free good food.
I feel like a leech. :O
Free food, whether it's good or bad, I were to take regardless. Free stuff everywhere, GRAB AND FEEL OVERJOYED. Literally. Even taking the public transport feels painful for me. :( At least 2.30aud for a trip from my home to uni. Simply because I could not wake up earlier, and taking the bus was the better option, considering I needed to walk half an hour through the freezing morning wind, yeah, bus seems better. :/
Though when my sister does give me things, I would feel extremely guilty. :O I guess the mentality has sunk in whereby I have to learn to live in my own and have all expenses under my own belt, am pretty sure I understand how it feels like giving away free things like that. I used to be that generous bitch who gives away things rather easily, without much thoughts. Now, I would probably still give you free things, but I would probably sacrifice on my side to compensate for the lost.
Even friending people is so different now. I would be overjoyed if I had met up with a fellow malaysian around these walls of Monash. Example today, we had to talk to each other by default, and voila! I found myself a malaysian classmate. Was lucky enough that another person in my group was going to major in zoology. Mmh. Otherwise, if were not 'forced' to communicate with each other, I would probably just sit there and have that urge to say hi, but could not because the lecture was going on. I miss talking. :| On the norm, I would definitely say hi, and if the conversation stops there, I'll just look around and mind my own business. Owh, I did try communicating, but if the other person is only answering and not asking, you know you should stop talking. :)
No doubt, the insecurities will definitely kick in.
And what do you do when it does kick in?
Just sit there and calm yourself down, give yourself a thought that : everything is the way it is for some unknown reason, just hang in there and things will turn out the way it will. :D
Grey and black Monash hoodie for 39.95aud,
Red, green, black, blue, dark grey monash hoodie for 69.95aud,
They look super cool, and I would definitely need one as it is getting chillier around here...
Which one should I get? :O
I remember back when I was in Malaysia, I would spend lavishly and only eat good food. Today, I am eating crap food, and whatever that is filling enough to keep my tummy from grumbling. I used to complain at almost everything, literally EVERYTHING when I was given the chance to. Here? Not much, I'd probably just sit at a corner and agree with whatever people has to say, taking everything that is being given to me like nobody has ever given me anything before and not to forget, calculating at almost every single thing I spent on. During my first 2 weesk, I was still in my princess mode, right now, I feel like a hostage to myself.
Is this what you call student life? You practically do things whatever you feel that is appropriate and right at that time, while a thousand of thoughts run through your mind for a concentrated filter before making the final decision. Purchasing the cheapest of the lot, paying for tge necessary, and even having that thought that you might not have enough money to spend even. Being extremely thankful and extremely excited when you get free good food.
I feel like a leech. :O
Free food, whether it's good or bad, I were to take regardless. Free stuff everywhere, GRAB AND FEEL OVERJOYED. Literally. Even taking the public transport feels painful for me. :( At least 2.30aud for a trip from my home to uni. Simply because I could not wake up earlier, and taking the bus was the better option, considering I needed to walk half an hour through the freezing morning wind, yeah, bus seems better. :/
Though when my sister does give me things, I would feel extremely guilty. :O I guess the mentality has sunk in whereby I have to learn to live in my own and have all expenses under my own belt, am pretty sure I understand how it feels like giving away free things like that. I used to be that generous bitch who gives away things rather easily, without much thoughts. Now, I would probably still give you free things, but I would probably sacrifice on my side to compensate for the lost.
Even friending people is so different now. I would be overjoyed if I had met up with a fellow malaysian around these walls of Monash. Example today, we had to talk to each other by default, and voila! I found myself a malaysian classmate. Was lucky enough that another person in my group was going to major in zoology. Mmh. Otherwise, if were not 'forced' to communicate with each other, I would probably just sit there and have that urge to say hi, but could not because the lecture was going on. I miss talking. :| On the norm, I would definitely say hi, and if the conversation stops there, I'll just look around and mind my own business. Owh, I did try communicating, but if the other person is only answering and not asking, you know you should stop talking. :)
No doubt, the insecurities will definitely kick in.
And what do you do when it does kick in?
Just sit there and calm yourself down, give yourself a thought that : everything is the way it is for some unknown reason, just hang in there and things will turn out the way it will. :D
Grey and black Monash hoodie for 39.95aud,
Red, green, black, blue, dark grey monash hoodie for 69.95aud,
They look super cool, and I would definitely need one as it is getting chillier around here...
Which one should I get? :O
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