Have I become overly dependent on them? Have I become too dependent to a point where I have impaired myself?
Lovely meatball event. One where I would time and time again organise to get people together. It makes me feel like I belong somewhere, surrounded with people I know, people whom I can feel comfortable amongst. It feels good. The joy, the company, that old feeling whereby despite how much has changed, we could still gather and feel like nothing has changed. It was nice. :)
9.50pm
23rd June 2012.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Nothing's changed. Not one bit has changed. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
The good thing about it, is that I am giving myself a break from all those drastic changes I had been through after 5 months of being on my own. The scale of the loneliness is absolutely no match to what I have been whining about for the past 18 years of my life. Constant learning about the changes that takes place gradually, eventually. Even if you deny that you have changed, time will always change things. Sometimes, the effects are taking place too slow, you don't even realise the change. But as of now, it seems like it is very difficult to identify the change as a whole. Unless, you take the time out, and just focus on one individual.
I know I have changed.
All I am thinking about is how I lived my life in Australia for the past 5 months, and comparing with the life here in Malaysia that I used to have. Drastic changes in me, if you ask me.
One example would be my shopping habit.
Obviously shopping here in Malaysia is so much more cheaper than shopping in Australia. I have learned to only purchase things that are on sale, even so, I would still question myself if I need it or it will only be there for display. I battled with my noggins and convinced myself that I will make full use of it before buying. Especially with the currency difference, I had to comfort myself and spend based on the aussie currency and not multiplying or dividing with the currency difference. This in turn has brought me into a total confusion when I shop here. Despite comforting myself, I would still be reminded of the currency difference and shop necessarily. Here, I look at a rm15 item, and think that it is 15aud. 15aud is the cheapest thing to buy and own, considering it is a piece of clothing. I stand there looking at that pretty piece of clothe, staring back at me blankly. Help?
I am watching an event fail in front of me. Not my nature at all, really. Considering I do not have a driver's license with me, I myself have problems with getting to the place too. Best part? I hosted the event. It is unlike me at all, not putting in effort in making sure everyone will be there for the event. It was as though I have no strength left to put any effort into it. Hence, I am watching it disintegrating before me.
This is giving me a chance to track back to where I came from, to where I am presently.
I was stressed about coming home. That fear where everything will be different.
Honestly? There are differences. But I am not putting attention to the difference, and digesting the overall view of things.
2.50am
23rd June 2012.
The good thing about it, is that I am giving myself a break from all those drastic changes I had been through after 5 months of being on my own. The scale of the loneliness is absolutely no match to what I have been whining about for the past 18 years of my life. Constant learning about the changes that takes place gradually, eventually. Even if you deny that you have changed, time will always change things. Sometimes, the effects are taking place too slow, you don't even realise the change. But as of now, it seems like it is very difficult to identify the change as a whole. Unless, you take the time out, and just focus on one individual.
I know I have changed.
All I am thinking about is how I lived my life in Australia for the past 5 months, and comparing with the life here in Malaysia that I used to have. Drastic changes in me, if you ask me.
One example would be my shopping habit.
Obviously shopping here in Malaysia is so much more cheaper than shopping in Australia. I have learned to only purchase things that are on sale, even so, I would still question myself if I need it or it will only be there for display. I battled with my noggins and convinced myself that I will make full use of it before buying. Especially with the currency difference, I had to comfort myself and spend based on the aussie currency and not multiplying or dividing with the currency difference. This in turn has brought me into a total confusion when I shop here. Despite comforting myself, I would still be reminded of the currency difference and shop necessarily. Here, I look at a rm15 item, and think that it is 15aud. 15aud is the cheapest thing to buy and own, considering it is a piece of clothing. I stand there looking at that pretty piece of clothe, staring back at me blankly. Help?
I am watching an event fail in front of me. Not my nature at all, really. Considering I do not have a driver's license with me, I myself have problems with getting to the place too. Best part? I hosted the event. It is unlike me at all, not putting in effort in making sure everyone will be there for the event. It was as though I have no strength left to put any effort into it. Hence, I am watching it disintegrating before me.
This is giving me a chance to track back to where I came from, to where I am presently.
I was stressed about coming home. That fear where everything will be different.
Honestly? There are differences. But I am not putting attention to the difference, and digesting the overall view of things.
2.50am
23rd June 2012.
Friday, June 22, 2012
21 jump street
Nine
Alice in Wonderland
Spent the past 5 hours watching movies. Still about 3 hours worth of flight. Glaring into my window, the sky looks as though it is raining stars. Somewhat like a view of fireworks during special days. Feeling slightly nostalgic at the moment. A total number of 4 cups of tea today, nicely jamming up my sleeping pattern. I guess it works well considering it's a midnight flight. Would have been a terrible complaint if I were to try to sleep but not being able to. At least I am given food and entertainment, I'd say the money was well spent.
It had been a rough month *sortoff*. Could blame the examination stress and such. But I never expected I would be stressed out about going home either. Never in a million years. Then it hit me. Prior to the examination season, I was all excited about going home; thinking of all those glorious food I will be able to eat, wearing shorts and doing some much needed shopping. Things changed, my time now seemed pretty much packed, and I will not have time for everybody. I guess it was a matter of bad timing?
Maybe I was being a little too demanding, being slightly princess-y, wanting to have everything going as smoothly it can be without me putting a single effort into. Somewhat saying: I have suffered enough, I need some royalty treatment for abit. Mmmmmh. Yeah. I was expecting too much at that point.
5 months in Melbourne on my own had passed. I learned to live like a total stranger, probably not even existing to most. Had problems communicating too. Can I say that I have lost all my confidence and social skills? Learning to manage problems, household and money issues. Sometimes, it feels like I am being forced to grow up. One thing I know for sure is, that I have finally accepted my life as it is living in Melbourne. Still feeling the loneliness at times, but I had to kick it away somehow. All is well.
I almost forgotten about the time difference between Melbourne and Malaysia, as it seems unnecessary these days. Friends come and go. If they find you, good for you. They don't? Then you know where they truly stand on your friend scale. :)
Even the currency thing, I almost couldnt bother either. Simply because I am ALWAYS purchasing things that are on discount or sale. Also, if I were to calculate, I am pretty sure I would end up not eating. Yet with the scarcity of food from time to time (plus occasional lazy days), I am still gaining weight. Hrmmmmmm
Getting really sleepy noww. Update soon!
Going home to relive myself, can I find it though?
5.08am
21st June 2012.
Lol. Feeling extremely blur. Only 2.5 hours of sleep. 4 and a half cups of tea. Blur to a point someone had to pretty much look after me. Hehehe. Really nice of her though. :X Oops. Too much of being pampered as the 'youngest' around there. :O Wondering if I should change to Malaysian time or not.
8.50am
21st June 2011.
It's still aussie time for this phone. Think I shall just leave it as it is. Heh. Wonder why am I doing a live blog sort of post. I just felt like capturing every moment of it somehow. Still wide awake at the moment. Thank you tea, thank you. :P
It really does feel nice to be home, honestly. It makes me happy somehow. My aunt picked me up and I started telling her stories that I couldn't. Haha! Though I do feel tired, but I was happy. Things were still the same. Grocery shopping seemed a little bizarre to me since my shopping habit has grown into a level of its own. The greens here made me confused, but I managed to pick up a few of those I remembered were my favs. Aunt's cooking for dinner! YEAY! :D
The weather... What is with the haze?! :( Will take some time to readjust myself into this temp for sure. Hahahahaha! Yes. Indeed.
I don't think I will be sleeping anytime soon though. :P
10.45am
21st June 2012.
Know what's scary? It's that this might all be a dream. Fact: temporary relief.
12.06pm
21st June 2012.
Nine
Alice in Wonderland
Spent the past 5 hours watching movies. Still about 3 hours worth of flight. Glaring into my window, the sky looks as though it is raining stars. Somewhat like a view of fireworks during special days. Feeling slightly nostalgic at the moment. A total number of 4 cups of tea today, nicely jamming up my sleeping pattern. I guess it works well considering it's a midnight flight. Would have been a terrible complaint if I were to try to sleep but not being able to. At least I am given food and entertainment, I'd say the money was well spent.
It had been a rough month *sortoff*. Could blame the examination stress and such. But I never expected I would be stressed out about going home either. Never in a million years. Then it hit me. Prior to the examination season, I was all excited about going home; thinking of all those glorious food I will be able to eat, wearing shorts and doing some much needed shopping. Things changed, my time now seemed pretty much packed, and I will not have time for everybody. I guess it was a matter of bad timing?
Maybe I was being a little too demanding, being slightly princess-y, wanting to have everything going as smoothly it can be without me putting a single effort into. Somewhat saying: I have suffered enough, I need some royalty treatment for abit. Mmmmmh. Yeah. I was expecting too much at that point.
5 months in Melbourne on my own had passed. I learned to live like a total stranger, probably not even existing to most. Had problems communicating too. Can I say that I have lost all my confidence and social skills? Learning to manage problems, household and money issues. Sometimes, it feels like I am being forced to grow up. One thing I know for sure is, that I have finally accepted my life as it is living in Melbourne. Still feeling the loneliness at times, but I had to kick it away somehow. All is well.
I almost forgotten about the time difference between Melbourne and Malaysia, as it seems unnecessary these days. Friends come and go. If they find you, good for you. They don't? Then you know where they truly stand on your friend scale. :)
Even the currency thing, I almost couldnt bother either. Simply because I am ALWAYS purchasing things that are on discount or sale. Also, if I were to calculate, I am pretty sure I would end up not eating. Yet with the scarcity of food from time to time (plus occasional lazy days), I am still gaining weight. Hrmmmmmm
Getting really sleepy noww. Update soon!
Going home to relive myself, can I find it though?
5.08am
21st June 2012.
Lol. Feeling extremely blur. Only 2.5 hours of sleep. 4 and a half cups of tea. Blur to a point someone had to pretty much look after me. Hehehe. Really nice of her though. :X Oops. Too much of being pampered as the 'youngest' around there. :O Wondering if I should change to Malaysian time or not.
8.50am
21st June 2011.
It's still aussie time for this phone. Think I shall just leave it as it is. Heh. Wonder why am I doing a live blog sort of post. I just felt like capturing every moment of it somehow. Still wide awake at the moment. Thank you tea, thank you. :P
It really does feel nice to be home, honestly. It makes me happy somehow. My aunt picked me up and I started telling her stories that I couldn't. Haha! Though I do feel tired, but I was happy. Things were still the same. Grocery shopping seemed a little bizarre to me since my shopping habit has grown into a level of its own. The greens here made me confused, but I managed to pick up a few of those I remembered were my favs. Aunt's cooking for dinner! YEAY! :D
The weather... What is with the haze?! :( Will take some time to readjust myself into this temp for sure. Hahahahaha! Yes. Indeed.
I don't think I will be sleeping anytime soon though. :P
10.45am
21st June 2012.
Know what's scary? It's that this might all be a dream. Fact: temporary relief.
12.06pm
21st June 2012.
Monday, June 18, 2012
With the Girls' Generation. BoomBoomBoom!
I have an hour until my stats paper starts. Honestly, I feel traumatized by my previous maths paper (last year). That paper really scarred me bad. :(
Maths is one subject I dread most out all my subjects. Ever since the alphabets came in, additional maths was something I could never do. And hence, the panic. For wanting to do good, but incapable of doing so. :/ I just couldn't grasp the concept. A Chinese Asian who know nuts about maths, is quite an embarrassment.
Anyhow. I remember very well I was worried sick for my math paper last year. Stayed up til late to do some studying. Ended up indulging into a pint of green tea icecream. Which was a very bad idea; it kept up wide awake, wide awake til I had to force myself to sleep at 7am in the morning. Thankfully, the paper wasnt til noon. Which meant, I still have time to have some rest and head over for the exam. I was wrong still. :/ I ended up feeling so much more panic-ier than I should ever. When I was waiting for the doors to open, I knew I forgotten to bring something along with me. Little did I know, it was the most important thing for the examination: the two precede of paper full of notes. I think I forgotten to bring something else too. But I was almost in tears when I found out I forgotten to bring my notes with me. Drama much, but it costed me my exam. I couldn't answer a single question. I wasnt in a suitable state to be doing the exam. But I had no choice, I had to do it there and then. Results? I failed miserably.
I thought I could get away by not taking any math related subject this year. Oh look, it's compulsory. So I took the easiest they could offer. Stats 1020. I think. Lecturer was boring, tutor gave me that text book pep talk. I skipped a few lectures, even. I just disliked anything related to math. And now I have to sit for the paper. All I am hoping for, is a pass.
If I don't pass, I know why.
But the crappy part is that I have to find a way to take this unit again, and pass this, so that I can graduate from Monash with my degree, Ba.S ... Is that how you shorten it? LOL
So, its today, tomorrow and then I can board my flight home to Malaysia. Ten days there, and I am off again. It feels like I am traveling the world somehow.
That dream where you dream that you are late for your examination, and then you woke up LATE.
Dreamt that my aunt was around to send me to the examination venue. But nope. I woke up to find that I am alone in my room in Aussie. I had to get to the place by my own, late or early, that will be my choice. Bleah. That's a sign where you know you have to grow up and take full responsibility of your own judgements and actions. Still 19! I have 8 more months to be a teen before being an adult by default. :O Let me be a kid while I still can!! :D Thank you! :D
On the side note: absolutely in love with snsd's paparazzi. :)
2nd July! Another dream will be fulfilled. 0:)
I have an hour until my stats paper starts. Honestly, I feel traumatized by my previous maths paper (last year). That paper really scarred me bad. :(
Maths is one subject I dread most out all my subjects. Ever since the alphabets came in, additional maths was something I could never do. And hence, the panic. For wanting to do good, but incapable of doing so. :/ I just couldn't grasp the concept. A Chinese Asian who know nuts about maths, is quite an embarrassment.
Anyhow. I remember very well I was worried sick for my math paper last year. Stayed up til late to do some studying. Ended up indulging into a pint of green tea icecream. Which was a very bad idea; it kept up wide awake, wide awake til I had to force myself to sleep at 7am in the morning. Thankfully, the paper wasnt til noon. Which meant, I still have time to have some rest and head over for the exam. I was wrong still. :/ I ended up feeling so much more panic-ier than I should ever. When I was waiting for the doors to open, I knew I forgotten to bring something along with me. Little did I know, it was the most important thing for the examination: the two precede of paper full of notes. I think I forgotten to bring something else too. But I was almost in tears when I found out I forgotten to bring my notes with me. Drama much, but it costed me my exam. I couldn't answer a single question. I wasnt in a suitable state to be doing the exam. But I had no choice, I had to do it there and then. Results? I failed miserably.
I thought I could get away by not taking any math related subject this year. Oh look, it's compulsory. So I took the easiest they could offer. Stats 1020. I think. Lecturer was boring, tutor gave me that text book pep talk. I skipped a few lectures, even. I just disliked anything related to math. And now I have to sit for the paper. All I am hoping for, is a pass.
If I don't pass, I know why.
But the crappy part is that I have to find a way to take this unit again, and pass this, so that I can graduate from Monash with my degree, Ba.S ... Is that how you shorten it? LOL
So, its today, tomorrow and then I can board my flight home to Malaysia. Ten days there, and I am off again. It feels like I am traveling the world somehow.
That dream where you dream that you are late for your examination, and then you woke up LATE.
Dreamt that my aunt was around to send me to the examination venue. But nope. I woke up to find that I am alone in my room in Aussie. I had to get to the place by my own, late or early, that will be my choice. Bleah. That's a sign where you know you have to grow up and take full responsibility of your own judgements and actions. Still 19! I have 8 more months to be a teen before being an adult by default. :O Let me be a kid while I still can!! :D Thank you! :D
On the side note: absolutely in love with snsd's paparazzi. :)
2nd July! Another dream will be fulfilled. 0:)
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Ooh. I burnt my tongue... Again. It gets slightly annoying, really. You are all cold and all you want to do is warm yourself with some good warm food in your belly. It's cold out, but the food is just too cold for your tongue. :/
Either that or I am just getting myself really hungry, just wanting to shove whatever food I have cooked into my mouth. But I kept burning my tongue, still. Mehh.
It is just two more jumps before I can relieve all my studying stress and head home for a relaxing holiday. At least, that is what I am hoping for. Will I get it, or will I not?
Have been yearning for the moment where I can actually get home and to fill my tummy with glorious Malaysian food that I am more used to. Especially my aunt's cooking. Definitely something I have been craving for, for a loooooong time now. Thinking about what to eat, and cooking my meals tends to get a little bit... boring and a handful sometimes. You need a full heart when cooking, otherwise you will be eating CRAP. Eating CRAP on a sucky day will only make your day even more suckier. :/
Ten days, is all I have in Malaysia. After a few adjustments, I have only ten days left. It really doesnt feel like it is enough, considering the list of food I WANT to eat. :/ oh how will I manage this? Hrmmmmmmm
Well, dinner today is CRAP. :/
Either that or I am just getting myself really hungry, just wanting to shove whatever food I have cooked into my mouth. But I kept burning my tongue, still. Mehh.
It is just two more jumps before I can relieve all my studying stress and head home for a relaxing holiday. At least, that is what I am hoping for. Will I get it, or will I not?
Have been yearning for the moment where I can actually get home and to fill my tummy with glorious Malaysian food that I am more used to. Especially my aunt's cooking. Definitely something I have been craving for, for a loooooong time now. Thinking about what to eat, and cooking my meals tends to get a little bit... boring and a handful sometimes. You need a full heart when cooking, otherwise you will be eating CRAP. Eating CRAP on a sucky day will only make your day even more suckier. :/
Ten days, is all I have in Malaysia. After a few adjustments, I have only ten days left. It really doesnt feel like it is enough, considering the list of food I WANT to eat. :/ oh how will I manage this? Hrmmmmmmm
Well, dinner today is CRAP. :/
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)