Change, for the better or for the worse.
It felt like forever since I last shared my personal life here on my blog. Partially it was me trying to explore how far I could get into finding a secure spot in whatever that I was headed for, that the details of it made no sense at all, even to myself. With decisions overlapping one another, and with me having to learn to pick a priority out of the given choices. Adapting to a new life seems a little too overwhelming somehow, but I am very sure it's in a good way. Only question is if I am handling and juggling everything just as I should, or I am missing out a several key points. Plus, my thoughts that are caused by these major changes, seems really ridiculous to interpret. Most often, it ends up as a complete nonsense. Partially wishing that things could and would be easier to bear, but without difficulty there isn't much to learn from.
Being a committee member of the Malaysian Society has broaden up my social circle with fellow Malaysians both within Monash at Clayton, and also from other universities around Melbourne. I would consider myself to be the lucky one, as this would be the first time that the rest of the committee members from each and every university are beginning to work closely together, hand in hand with one another. The social circle, as well as the exchanging of wise thoughts and experiences greatly helped with me getting acquainted with my role as the Sponsorship Officer of MUMSU (Monash University Malaysian Student Union). If it weren't for these people, I am pretty sure I would crumble within the first week that my official 'work'load began. I had no prior experience to this, and I had not a slightest clue that things were this complicated within a society in a University stage. High school clearly did NOT prepare me for this. HAHAHAHAHAHA.
It was no longer a simple plan of 'okay, we wanna go here, we gonna get this, we gonna get that, we gonna pay for that, OKAY!'. Now? Everything has got to be thorough, each trip we plan we had to ensure that we could target the right amount of people to come for our events, and as big as the scale of the event would be, the higher it would cost. IF the sponsorship people like me are not doing their job properly, this society would not be able to have the green light to organise awesome events for the Malaysian community that we took the responsibility to help them feel at home. That instant when I stepped foot into MUMSU as a committee member, my mind is constantly blown by the amount of details we would need in order to keep this society running actively. Instead of only having fun, we had to put the priority of our fellow Malaysians in mind. We weren't doing this for ourselves, we were doing this for them.
Then came Frisbee. The one thing that I have been boasting about ever since I started playing. What more could I say, it has changed my life entirely. I found home within this group of people who calls themselves RunningMan. The moment when I got the call from my darling senior, she asked if I would be interested in joining her team and that they were to be making a jersey. That jersey was probably the starting point of where I felt like I truly belonged somewhere. Yes, I am silly for making a nonliving object as my evidence of security, but it served its purposes to me. Playing frisbee with them, going out on outings with them, and even travelling to Tasmania with them. That homey feeling just made me feel like I could just live with them for almost ever.
That Tasmania trip of mine would probably be one of the most things I treasured this semester. Eversince I got accepted by UTAS, I was just an inch close to becoming a student in UTAS, but Monash was the chosen decision. But I have always wondered how it would be like to experience Tassie. When they decided that they were headed towards Tassie for the holiday, I was both excited but doubtful at the same time. I felt like I should be going, as I wasn't really a part of them yet, I was still the new one and I might get lost. But everything turned out well, and it felt like it was the best combination that I had ever had, ever. I got to visit Tasmania and experience Tassie for a bit, I got to play frisbee there with them and other Tassie players, and I got to spend time with the team and get to know them better. It was only after this Tassie trip that I allowed myself to be free and just mingle around casually with them, and that I felt like I found a family away from home. :)
Though there were times where I had to pick between MUMSU and frisbee. As of now, I know I would give Frisbee as a priority, while everything else could just line up behind. But of course, the responsibility as a committee member outweighs my priority sometimes. When I had to choose between the two, my heart would be completely torn, my heart wanting to be with the frisbee team, but I know I have to be elsewhere to do important things for the people.
Every meeting, is equally as important. Every meet up, is equally necessary.
One is for the mentality, one is for the emotions.
On the side note, the time I have for myself has depleted drastically from the time that I was still a complete nerd. Results will be releasing.. tomorrow? And I really have very little expectations from it. Whatever that comes, I will have to accept, as I know it had been a drastic change for me ever since this semester started, and it was the best I could do (except not attending alot of the lectures).
Also, I am pretty sure I have neglected a handful of friends back home in Malaysia too. I used to give them a call once in awhile, but.. whatever I say next will only be an excuse. :(
I have completely stopped cooking too. Not even cleaning my room as often as I should either. Have been spending alot of time and trips to and from the city.
This is still only the beginning, challenge really starts next year when the semester begins again. This time, there is no way I could slack in my studies in any given way, while maintaining my non-lecture activities. Plus, I will be moving out, hopefully to a place that is nearer to uni, then it would not give me an excuse to skip lectures. HEH.
I finally saw a FULL rainbow. Tassie.. :')
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Friday, November 30, 2012
Waiting for my flight to Tasmania, I sit and I have nothing to do. I look across, and there was a family with a baby, a newborn of about one month, maybe. I am really bad at estimating, mind me. :X I began to think about what the future holds for me, and I tried reminiscing on the times that I was still a little girl.
Being at the last few months to my teenage days, I guess I am feeling slightly pressured upon myself. Adulthood seems scary, because we all know that this is the stage where we have to make important decisions on our own, and we have to take up that responsibility to give back to whom who have loved us dearly ever since we were brought into this world. As I look at the baby, I tried picturing myself being that small, vulnerable, knowing nothing at all. The only expression that could be read from a baby's expression, would be loud cries, and happy faces. Anything in between, would be an absolutely blankness. I mean, what does a baby know, right? It was the time that we needed most caring of, most attention, probably the most troublesome stage we could ever be. Random cryings in the middle of the night, waking up people of the house, just because we feel discomfort. But when people see us, they would feel happy, joy.
How is that possible? :O
As we grow up, we become those eager beings, protesting that we wanting things, asking never ending questions that even adults find it difficult to answer at times. We learned to talk, we learned to run, we learned so much about the beautiful world that we never knew. We still could not fully understand why certain things function at a certain way, but we are there, asking without fail. We learned that we can have choices, and we learn to like things and dislike things. We learn to interact with other people. The point of time where we learn so much, but everything was still enjoyable. There was nothing we needed to worry about, all we know, was to be happy.
People would still look at us and go in awe, complimenting on how adorable we looked. Though secretly, our parents would probably just dismiss the fact of how much of a nuisance we are to them, and would probably agree or disagree with the compliment. But parents will still be proud with the littlest things that they thought we wouldnt do, we do. Somewhat of a grown up thing in us that they see, that they would be grinning about.
The first ten years of life, as my point of view as a 19 year old, seems completely delusional. I would have to say that these delusional little beings are the reason that brings us back to our days, that we too had that much fun. It somehow is intriguing to listen to what they have to say, and just imagine what they would think about when they have reached our stage of time.
The next tenth of life, I would have to say, the most heartbreaking years for our dear parents. With the mindset of ours: 'parents don't understand me'. Countless number of rebels that we do, going against our parents in whatever way that we can. Little did we know, we were breaking their hearts. What more when they know our next stage would be the time where we will leave their side for a certain period of time or for good. Those worrying days where they pray that we still know the rights from wrongs, hoping that we will turn out to be good people in the future.
Right now, I am picturing whatever that had happened in my teen days, probably does affect alot on what I am thinking and deciding on now. The future, is probably the scariest thing to predict, not knowing what exactly will happen, not knowing how will things turn out to be. And it is then where we pretty much make or break our lives.
What do I do with my future? If there is anything I wanna do then, I pretty much have to making a start somewhere now. A decision on what I should be studying now, and what I will be after I graduate. Seems like it's so narrowed down that there is no alternative way to it, other than starting all over again.
Sometimes looking at children being all happy, just brings me back to the days where I could be happy at almost everything. Sometimes I partially feel sad for them that they will eventually lose out at least half of that happiness and grow up to be a normal being like the rest of us. Yet we can't stop them from growing up too fast. The future's generation.
Being at the last few months to my teenage days, I guess I am feeling slightly pressured upon myself. Adulthood seems scary, because we all know that this is the stage where we have to make important decisions on our own, and we have to take up that responsibility to give back to whom who have loved us dearly ever since we were brought into this world. As I look at the baby, I tried picturing myself being that small, vulnerable, knowing nothing at all. The only expression that could be read from a baby's expression, would be loud cries, and happy faces. Anything in between, would be an absolutely blankness. I mean, what does a baby know, right? It was the time that we needed most caring of, most attention, probably the most troublesome stage we could ever be. Random cryings in the middle of the night, waking up people of the house, just because we feel discomfort. But when people see us, they would feel happy, joy.
How is that possible? :O
As we grow up, we become those eager beings, protesting that we wanting things, asking never ending questions that even adults find it difficult to answer at times. We learned to talk, we learned to run, we learned so much about the beautiful world that we never knew. We still could not fully understand why certain things function at a certain way, but we are there, asking without fail. We learned that we can have choices, and we learn to like things and dislike things. We learn to interact with other people. The point of time where we learn so much, but everything was still enjoyable. There was nothing we needed to worry about, all we know, was to be happy.
People would still look at us and go in awe, complimenting on how adorable we looked. Though secretly, our parents would probably just dismiss the fact of how much of a nuisance we are to them, and would probably agree or disagree with the compliment. But parents will still be proud with the littlest things that they thought we wouldnt do, we do. Somewhat of a grown up thing in us that they see, that they would be grinning about.
The first ten years of life, as my point of view as a 19 year old, seems completely delusional. I would have to say that these delusional little beings are the reason that brings us back to our days, that we too had that much fun. It somehow is intriguing to listen to what they have to say, and just imagine what they would think about when they have reached our stage of time.
The next tenth of life, I would have to say, the most heartbreaking years for our dear parents. With the mindset of ours: 'parents don't understand me'. Countless number of rebels that we do, going against our parents in whatever way that we can. Little did we know, we were breaking their hearts. What more when they know our next stage would be the time where we will leave their side for a certain period of time or for good. Those worrying days where they pray that we still know the rights from wrongs, hoping that we will turn out to be good people in the future.
Right now, I am picturing whatever that had happened in my teen days, probably does affect alot on what I am thinking and deciding on now. The future, is probably the scariest thing to predict, not knowing what exactly will happen, not knowing how will things turn out to be. And it is then where we pretty much make or break our lives.
What do I do with my future? If there is anything I wanna do then, I pretty much have to making a start somewhere now. A decision on what I should be studying now, and what I will be after I graduate. Seems like it's so narrowed down that there is no alternative way to it, other than starting all over again.
Sometimes looking at children being all happy, just brings me back to the days where I could be happy at almost everything. Sometimes I partially feel sad for them that they will eventually lose out at least half of that happiness and grow up to be a normal being like the rest of us. Yet we can't stop them from growing up too fast. The future's generation.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Hello bloggerville,
It has been sometime since I last blabbed here, haven't I? Still would wonder who actually takes time off to read random ramblings of my life here on my blog. Especially lately when I have pretty much, NOTHING to talk about. Been trying to avoid Twitter and Facebook as much as I can, as I came to realisation that I am pretty much putting my social life all over these online social sites. Which is undoubtedly, a very very very bad habit to have. As much as I tried avoiding to post much things on these two sites, I pretty much couldn't run away from it. Maybe it's because I had nothing else to do, other than hogging these social sites, stalking people who I may, or may not know, being entertained by what they are posting, and pondering about what they posted.
Seems lifeless. But it seems like I really had nothing better to do. I tried escaping the internet realm for at least a week, limiting my status updates, and spams on Twitter. I just found it absolutely difficult to avoid just to have a glance or two at almost every hour. To a point where I tried avoiding contact with my beloved laptop at all costs. Which I have succeeded, with a minimum streak of 3 days, perhaps. But then again, I have two mobiles with easy excess to the internet. This in turn has absolutely eliminated my initial acts to begin with. :/
I tried finding other stuff to do, avoiding myself from logging into Facebook and Twitter. For instance, travelling on a long distance journey to the city, which would take me an hour, the internet really helped me in abundance of time killing, and avoiding from falling asleep and missing my stop. This is absurd. But for the past one to two weeks, I have been trying to distract myself, by studying while riding my public transportation. It helped. But it also meant that I would have ran out of reading substance to do for the rest of my free times.
YouTube has been contributing to my total time wasting hours too. ahhhhhhhh..
Two units, with the similar syllabus, but it's actually two absolutely different unit altogether. Even yesterday when I was doing my environmental bio unit, it had a question where I learned from my geography unit. Thank god, that bio paper was a multiple choice question. But tomorrow's paper, the geo one, is fully subjective. Plus the fact that I had the whole one week to cover these two units, and aside from the non-presence of past year questions to be done, I HAD ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO DO ALMOST EVERYTHING I WANTED.
It literally felt like I was on a holiday already. I really can't imagine what it would be like when my holiday really comes. All those Facebook and Twitter.. WHERE HAS MY LIFE GONE?!
I used to be those kind who would complain at people who posts nonsense Facebook status and having numbered likes. I, for one, has fallen for that trap where I wanted attention. Facebook likes has given me that weird dose of adrenaline, thinking that people are actually interested in what I say. I really hope you would understand from where I am coming from. On days where I don't go out with friends, all I do is lie in bed, and just spend my entire day there. On days when I have nothing to do, all I would do is pretty much.. nothing.
Now that examination period is almost over, and it's summer break. I really have no idea how am I going to survive this long stretch of loneliness and boredom. Frisbee had been keeping me company for the past few weeks, but by the end of this month, I have a feeling that it will eventually come to an end.
It really does feel like I have no life, other than Facebook and Twitter. Those little joys in life, were temporary. Knowing that it is all temporary, it was necessary for me to grasp as much as I could, otherwise I would miss that one chance to 'rejuvenate'.
Hrmmmm..
It has been sometime since I last blabbed here, haven't I? Still would wonder who actually takes time off to read random ramblings of my life here on my blog. Especially lately when I have pretty much, NOTHING to talk about. Been trying to avoid Twitter and Facebook as much as I can, as I came to realisation that I am pretty much putting my social life all over these online social sites. Which is undoubtedly, a very very very bad habit to have. As much as I tried avoiding to post much things on these two sites, I pretty much couldn't run away from it. Maybe it's because I had nothing else to do, other than hogging these social sites, stalking people who I may, or may not know, being entertained by what they are posting, and pondering about what they posted.
Seems lifeless. But it seems like I really had nothing better to do. I tried escaping the internet realm for at least a week, limiting my status updates, and spams on Twitter. I just found it absolutely difficult to avoid just to have a glance or two at almost every hour. To a point where I tried avoiding contact with my beloved laptop at all costs. Which I have succeeded, with a minimum streak of 3 days, perhaps. But then again, I have two mobiles with easy excess to the internet. This in turn has absolutely eliminated my initial acts to begin with. :/
I tried finding other stuff to do, avoiding myself from logging into Facebook and Twitter. For instance, travelling on a long distance journey to the city, which would take me an hour, the internet really helped me in abundance of time killing, and avoiding from falling asleep and missing my stop. This is absurd. But for the past one to two weeks, I have been trying to distract myself, by studying while riding my public transportation. It helped. But it also meant that I would have ran out of reading substance to do for the rest of my free times.
YouTube has been contributing to my total time wasting hours too. ahhhhhhhh..
Two units, with the similar syllabus, but it's actually two absolutely different unit altogether. Even yesterday when I was doing my environmental bio unit, it had a question where I learned from my geography unit. Thank god, that bio paper was a multiple choice question. But tomorrow's paper, the geo one, is fully subjective. Plus the fact that I had the whole one week to cover these two units, and aside from the non-presence of past year questions to be done, I HAD ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO DO ALMOST EVERYTHING I WANTED.
It literally felt like I was on a holiday already. I really can't imagine what it would be like when my holiday really comes. All those Facebook and Twitter.. WHERE HAS MY LIFE GONE?!
I used to be those kind who would complain at people who posts nonsense Facebook status and having numbered likes. I, for one, has fallen for that trap where I wanted attention. Facebook likes has given me that weird dose of adrenaline, thinking that people are actually interested in what I say. I really hope you would understand from where I am coming from. On days where I don't go out with friends, all I do is lie in bed, and just spend my entire day there. On days when I have nothing to do, all I would do is pretty much.. nothing.
Now that examination period is almost over, and it's summer break. I really have no idea how am I going to survive this long stretch of loneliness and boredom. Frisbee had been keeping me company for the past few weeks, but by the end of this month, I have a feeling that it will eventually come to an end.
It really does feel like I have no life, other than Facebook and Twitter. Those little joys in life, were temporary. Knowing that it is all temporary, it was necessary for me to grasp as much as I could, otherwise I would miss that one chance to 'rejuvenate'.
Hrmmmm..
Sunday, November 4, 2012
I pretty much live in my own world.
A world full of laughters, smiles, and happy spirit. A world where everything is adorable and beautiful. A world that is lighted up by pretty colours of a rainbow, and a spray of different hues of colours all streak upon the sky. Everything seemed perfect. It is a happy place.
I used to be able to write a much longer paragraph of those descriptive things. It is either I couldn't be bothered to write more on it, or I simply am blocked out by my own creativeness.
Huh?
Mehhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I just wish I could be a child forever. Nothing to worry about. Just a happy carefree kid. Forever.
Dream on, sister!
A world full of laughters, smiles, and happy spirit. A world where everything is adorable and beautiful. A world that is lighted up by pretty colours of a rainbow, and a spray of different hues of colours all streak upon the sky. Everything seemed perfect. It is a happy place.
I used to be able to write a much longer paragraph of those descriptive things. It is either I couldn't be bothered to write more on it, or I simply am blocked out by my own creativeness.
Huh?
Mehhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I just wish I could be a child forever. Nothing to worry about. Just a happy carefree kid. Forever.
Dream on, sister!
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Well hello there. It's about 15 minutes til today ends, feeling like blogging, but I have yet to have a topic in my head that would be worth talking about.. yet? Hopefully that 'point' would come up sometime soon as I babble my way through my post today. Most likely in a most random way possible. I miss being absolutely random though. Where things just didn't matter, and everything would be fine.
If only things could always be that simple. Waking up, having a list of things to do, allowing things to just flow in a way that it is absolutely free. Nothing to hold it back from progressing. Unlike the past two days where I would wake up, not knowing what to do next. Also the fact that you know you have a whole bunch of things to deal with, you just end up feeling overly lazy about it, leaving it til the later days to deal with. Why? Cause it feels like I have all the time in the world to do whatever I want at this point of time. Not the typical, rushed and packed daily life that I used to have.
This can be deteriorating. Dang. I really need to set my priorities right. :/ But really, right now I have passed my phase of hardship as a first year international student. With me blabbing on and on and on, endlessly about how much I have changed with almost every post I have ever posted. Hrmm.. Maybe I should talk about something that I have yet to change ever since I step foot here.. ?
ONE. I am lazy as ever. This very bad habit of mine has caused me to have severe gastric pains last year. Staying back in college just because my last class ended at 4.30 then, and I would normally stay back and hang around in the library til about 8-9pm, I developed the habit of not eating, just because I didn't feel like eating. Also since I didn't have the habit of having breakfast in the morning, it also meant that I was pretty much fasting my way through the day. WHAT NOT? Gastric. Somehow, I never learned from that. Even right now, it's gotten worse. Because then, I still could go home and have home cooked food waiting for me to gorge into. Here? I have to rely on my own cooking abilities and also my patience in getting food into my tummy.
The laziness and the whole lot of excuses I give myself, left me eating very unhealthily and sometimes, not eating much for a few days straight. I question myself, why would I torture myself? But laziness wins. :/
Health really is important regardless. One where everyone seems to be neglecting, assuming it wouldn't be a big deal. Til the day when everyone grows old, and the impacts of what our younger days initiated, we are all going to regret badly.
ahhhhhhhhhhhh.. Bad bad bad attitude. But it's my life. And because it doesn't feel like it's an impact to anyone else, I GIVE NO CRAP.. somehow. As long as I am not a bother to other people around me.. right?
Hrmph. Room has been a complete mess too! I couldn't even bother folding my clothes and they are all piled up in my open luggage, right there clogging up my walkway to my bed. It's not only ONE luggage that is filled with clothes, it's actually BOTH of my luggage are open and filled with clothes. Not to mention my books being sprawled all over the floor.
I AM A MESS! D:
If only things could always be that simple. Waking up, having a list of things to do, allowing things to just flow in a way that it is absolutely free. Nothing to hold it back from progressing. Unlike the past two days where I would wake up, not knowing what to do next. Also the fact that you know you have a whole bunch of things to deal with, you just end up feeling overly lazy about it, leaving it til the later days to deal with. Why? Cause it feels like I have all the time in the world to do whatever I want at this point of time. Not the typical, rushed and packed daily life that I used to have.
This can be deteriorating. Dang. I really need to set my priorities right. :/ But really, right now I have passed my phase of hardship as a first year international student. With me blabbing on and on and on, endlessly about how much I have changed with almost every post I have ever posted. Hrmm.. Maybe I should talk about something that I have yet to change ever since I step foot here.. ?
ONE. I am lazy as ever. This very bad habit of mine has caused me to have severe gastric pains last year. Staying back in college just because my last class ended at 4.30 then, and I would normally stay back and hang around in the library til about 8-9pm, I developed the habit of not eating, just because I didn't feel like eating. Also since I didn't have the habit of having breakfast in the morning, it also meant that I was pretty much fasting my way through the day. WHAT NOT? Gastric. Somehow, I never learned from that. Even right now, it's gotten worse. Because then, I still could go home and have home cooked food waiting for me to gorge into. Here? I have to rely on my own cooking abilities and also my patience in getting food into my tummy.
The laziness and the whole lot of excuses I give myself, left me eating very unhealthily and sometimes, not eating much for a few days straight. I question myself, why would I torture myself? But laziness wins. :/
Health really is important regardless. One where everyone seems to be neglecting, assuming it wouldn't be a big deal. Til the day when everyone grows old, and the impacts of what our younger days initiated, we are all going to regret badly.
ahhhhhhhhhhhh.. Bad bad bad attitude. But it's my life. And because it doesn't feel like it's an impact to anyone else, I GIVE NO CRAP.. somehow. As long as I am not a bother to other people around me.. right?
Hrmph. Room has been a complete mess too! I couldn't even bother folding my clothes and they are all piled up in my open luggage, right there clogging up my walkway to my bed. It's not only ONE luggage that is filled with clothes, it's actually BOTH of my luggage are open and filled with clothes. Not to mention my books being sprawled all over the floor.
I AM A MESS! D:
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