No matter how angry you get, no matter how sad you are, no matter how suicidal a person is, it still depends on what that person is thinking at that particular time. If God allows, something else would happen and distract that thought for abit. All is required was an external source, somebody who shows that it doesnt matter whether they know you personally or not, that fact that somebody cares, mean the world to that someone who needs it.

I consider myself suicidal. One would say that I am doing so is because I am being an attention seeking whore. Maybe. My aunt did tell me off when I was younger, saying that I always find something about myself that makes people pity me. I, am not disagreeing with her. Besides, there should be a reason why she said that. Yet, there should also be a reason why I behave likewise too.

I never figure out the true purpose of me being alive in the first place. Somehow, it felt like it was an accident that I exist, and that my existence has caused nothing but trouble. No, I am not putting the blame on anyway, it's just a truthful thought I have at the moment.

Just like everyone else, there are things that I fear deeply. Some that are just too obvious, while others just slips through my random speech of all sorts. Today, it's just another mundane expression that I am literally killing myself with. Why can't I just be happy?

Why can't I accept things the way it is and stop with all those unnecessary negativity?

Why?

...

As I was waiting at the bus stop, I had thought that the next bus would only come in another 45 minutes. Luck was on my side, a bus appeared just a few minutes after I arrived at the bus stop. Stepping into the bus, just like how every other day, I searched for a place where I felt like sitting today. As I sat, a granny beside me seemed to be in distress and said, 'where are you taking me?' in a soft and weak voice of hers.

Figured that the bus driver couldn't hear her, I helped her by telling the bus driver to stop at the next bus stop. The granny seemed like she had problems getting up from her seat. Nobody else in the bus seemed like they wanted to help her. I even caught a glance of an asian girl giving that somewhat disgusted look on her face when I helped the granny get up. I wish I knew why, but I was busy helping granny to get off the bus.

My plan to camp in the library was halted. This granny gave me that worrying sense, where it made me feel like I should accompany her until she gets to the place she intended to go to. She had difficulties walking, she was shivering, her movements were all weak. It was a worrying sight for me. As we got off the bus, the first thing that came to my mind, 'is there anyone I could call to pick her up or something?'. I asked granny, her answer was, 'i have nobody'.

Thinking that it would probably make her cry, I decided not to ask further but to accompany her home. As we were walking, she constantly stopped to look around, admiring the buildings and the pretty houses along the way. How long has she not been out here? I was carrying her bag of meat and her handbag on one hand while holding her hand on the other. She was weak, and she needed support. Her every move was so fragile, it scared me that if she fell, I would probably crush her with my weight. Granny said she was from Germany. Granny was also adorable, telling me that it would be easier to walk if we were to walk with the same foot out first. She kept asking me to leave her, but I couldn't.

Half an hour into walking, her knee was aching, she could no longer walk any further. I didn't knoe what to do, thank goodness there was a short stumpy fence that was suitable for her to sit. As I asked her to sit, she seemed to have difficulties sitting down too. She even said that she is afraid that she might not be able to get up afterwards. Once she was nicely seated, I stood by the roadside, trying to flag down a passersby car, hoping some kind person would stop by to help drive this granny home. Thank goodness this lady turned around. I immediately told her about the situation, and she agreed to help. The fact that she turned around, it already told me that she was willing to help.

Her house was quite a distance from the bus stop. I have no idea how she got herself there in the first place. Seemingly somebody has dropped her off or something. Granny could hardly speak too. Granny is 86. Granny reminded me of my own granny who passed away end of last year. Anyhow, thank goodness for that kind lady, granny should be able to reach home safely. :)

...

Yeap. They are both unrelated. But what happened after the granny incident was the cause of the initial essay of texts. Not feeling like I should mention it here, but hopefully this is sufficient enough to remind me of it.

Whatever it is, if there was any given chance, one should always take an opportunity to do whatever that is necessary at that point of time. You will never know how much it really means to that someone, whom you have no clue, needing it badly.