Feels like I haven't been updating much on my blog. I just couldn't find the inspiration to sit, and spend a couple of hours writing to my heart's content. I miss that feeling. Where I find time for myself, time for me myself and I ultimately. All I have been thinking about for the past few months, all that has been occupying my mind for the past few weeks, just occupies my free times to myself to just sit and relax. My only escape was sleeping. It is the holidays, after all. And sleeping is the only time where I would just not think about anything, and allow my subconsciousness to take over my system for those few hours.

My drawer is filled with novels that are just waiting for me to spend time to read. But where are my time being used as? Right now, it feels like whatever I am about to say, would end up as a complaint about life in general that seems to be keeping me a buzz. True, I like that I have something to do during this long lonely summer break, but at the same time, it doesn't feel like it's for myself, it feels more like a responsibility, something that I must get my head into, something that I must accomplish before the start of the next semester.

I forsee myself to be in an epic rush for time once the semester begins. What not with my time invested with the Malaysian Society. Ultimate frisbee will end up being my hobby where I would spend time to relieve myself off everything else that could be eating my soul alive. With the decision of taking up Zoology and Physiology as my majors starting next semester, time needs to be allocated to studying. Especially when my results this semester turned out to be the awful truth about how important the amount of time and sacrifice needed to be allocated accordingly for the results to be the way it is.

Geography, Pass
Biology, Pass
Environmental Biology, Credit
Chemistry, Credit

Honestly, the moment I saw my results, I could almost cry. But I knew it was something that I was expecting, based on the amount of time that I have spent in the library, nerding it out this semester. Regrets? None. I have developed so much more in terms of social and physically. It was my lack of focus on what I needed to focus on most, education. Maybe a slight frustration in myself, knowing I could have done better, knowing this was definitely not the best that I could do, knowing that I knew where and when were the decisions that I made were wrong. I am upset at myself, disappointed. But I deserve what I deserve.

That was a big downgrade from my first semester here in Melbourne. But because I know what is affecting my academics, the only thing left is to make sure I have a proper discipline to carry on, bring me through the next year, hopefully in ease, just not another round of downgrade, hopefully. There is no way that things will be any easier that it used to be. Things has changed so much since the first day I stepped foot here. Everyday, is another new journey, I learn more by the day, I could not emphasize enough.

That difficulty in approaching random people, has diminished to almost nothing. I thank Ultimate Frisbee for that. It allowed me to meet people of all kinds here in Australia, sharing the common interest in the game of Ulti. I still wonder why I still can't find any common interest with people of the same course as I do in Uni, partially feeling like I have intentionally skipped lectures to get away from people who I see everyday, yet not a word spoken to them at all. It does feel like life tends to get a tad bit difficult when I am amongst other smart bums who were taking Science as their degree, feeling like I am there to study, for the sake of studying and there is just no fun in it.

Then again, studying, is for the sake of studying after all. It gets absolutely dry when you are studying on your own, loosing interest as it drags along. I only recalling myself talking about ultimate frisbee whenever I could. It's ridiculous. But it brings me joy, introducing the game to the ignorant world that knows nothing about it's existence. I wish I could just stop bragging about it, but there literally is nothing else I could talk about other than this.

Tassie, is a place where it is absolutely engulfed with greenery. My heart literally felt peace the moment I looked out to the hilly plains of Tassie beneath the aircraft. That sense of isolation when we landed at this little airport where there seems to be no congestion or pollution whatsoever that could be done by humans. It just felt like I could stay there for a long time, just absorbing the peace and tranquility of it all. Passing by UTAS almost every single time we left our temporary home for a visit around, made me wonder, what if I did study here in Tassie. All those greeneries, all those wildlife parks where I could have spent my hours hopefully working in.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Damnit. I should stop being delusional.

Am I bored? I think I am. Everyone I know here has already gone back home. All I see on facebook are random gatherings of outbound students who have gone home to meet up and spend time with families and friends alike. ME?! Owh.. just stuck here, minding business of my sponsorship job because everyone is back at home while keeping my fingers crossed that I get a place to live in within a month or so, otherwise I would just end up homeless. Nothing big, nothing big.

The joys of summer holidays. All I want to do, is spend a whole day in the zoo, watching animals, and then another day in the aquarium, just staring at them animals swimming about, round and round in their enclosed home. Putting myself in their shoes, I would feel sad. I just hope that they would not have developed human feelings that would make them extremely upset when they figure out that their lives would just be stuck there and there only. :O

I need a car. Would someone be kind enough to sponsor me a car and a year's supply of petrol?