A visit to Melbourne Aquarium by myself, a trip to Melbourne Zoo on my own.. I could literally have the whole world to my own, taking my own sweet time, spazzing at the animal of my choice. Animals playing hide and seek, hiding from the heat, dozing away their boredom-ness, animals swimming round and round and round and round, cause they have nowhere else to go. If only I had gotten up earlier, then I would have more time to just sit and stare at the animals, hoping they would do something unusual.

Day in, day out, I still wonder if my decision to study Zoology would be worth my passion and time or otherwise. Reality seems to constantly tell me that I will suffer with a science degree, majoring in Zoology. Career wise, I am most definitely unlikely to earn income, but personally, it is the only thing that I know I want to do. After all, it was a decision that I made, a decision that I knew very well that I wanted to take, the decision that I thought thoroughly about. Maybe not as thorough as how others would perceive, but it was a plan that I have drawn for my own comforts.

Sure enough, the word Zoology sounded like a very interesting subject. First thought that would go through everybody's mind would go somewhere along the lines, 'So... You want to work in a Zoo?'. It does make me sound a little mean, but I always laugh at the fact that the public only knows as much of a Zoologist as the person who works in a Zoo. That sounded grammatically wrong, but my point is there. :P

It partially feels like I am living my inner child dream. As a kid, I am pretty sure we were all exposed to learn how to love animals with a simple reason, which is their adorable features. From there, we learn how to care for other beings. But as we age, we grew to be more realistic, and the animals suddenly seemed like they don't mean anything at all; we care for humans more than animals. The stigma was that anyone who cared for animals more than they cared for humans, are ridiculous or completely out of their mind. And as usual, people didn't want to feel like an outcast, they conform to the society, and there goes the compassion for animals.

I'd like to think that I am silly. For wanting to die being attacked by an animal instead of sitting on a lazy chair waiting for my heart to stop pumping. My aunt will give me that 'you're-saying-this-ridiculous-thing-now-because-you-don't-know' look, whenever I tell her that I didn't mind when she asked me what if an animal were to attack me while I spend 'studying' them.

Part of me feels like I am headed for a stumped future with my decision. With friends talking about getting scholarships to continue their PhDs, with getting work experiences and getting a steady life, prepared to settle down and getting married.. Me? It doesn't feel like I have anything to lose, as though I could afford to make any rash decision and if anything does go wrong, I have no one to blame but myself. In a way, I am being selfish. In a way, it feels like I am a child being immature and rebellious. But it is the one dream I want to live.

My passion has driven me to push boundaries, taking chances to study here in Australia where animals are cherished. Til that day when I was at the aquarium, I saw how magnificent a stingray is, then I remembered the late Steve Irwin. A passerby then came by and said while pointing at the stingray, 'Hey, you're the one who killed Steve Irwin!'. It was then that I realised how inspired I was by this great man. If is was not for him and his passion for animals that was introduced to the world, I will never know that studying animals was ever possible. His passion shone and won the hearts of millions across the globe. People got inspired by him, and I was that little girl who got inspired too. He was my idol, and without a doubt, still is my idol.

Today, I decided to do a little research on his little girl, Bindi. YouTube a little here and a little there, and stumbled upon her eulogy for her father's funeral. An incident that happened 6 years ago, I only remembered it was a great loss. But just like every other great losses we had through the years, I didn't thought it would affect me much. But today after watching that video and remembering what he has done, I cried. LOL. With that said, I really don't think there is any way for me to back out of my decision in pursuing that dream of mine.

I really want to do this. To do more research on animals and be their advocate. Even if I don't speak for them, learning more about them would be enough for me.

Like a child who refuses to grow up.