Where my fears and hopes come from, are my dreams.
Maybe not too much on the hopes part, but fears are a definite.

Am pretty sure I have posted something about dreams before. Tried searching for it, but I really have no clue where it is now. HAHAHA Oops.

I have a fear of spirits, ghosts and similar things. Even when I am dragged into a haunted house, knowing everything is not real, I would still be scared. Scared to a point where I can't open my eyes, not scream, wanting to curl up at that point and not move a single muscle, sweat cold sweat. I guess what I do not understand about such things, scared me the most. Especially when you listen to stories that would scare the crap out of you : Ghost stories. Really not my kind of thing. I learned as much as it raises my curiosity, I was better of not knowing at all. Otherwise, if I do happen to dream of it, I was pretty much dead.

Dreams are where we are able to let loose of ourselves. At least, that is how I find my inner peace. Things that would never happen, happen. Things that would happen in real life, does not necessarily happen in dreams too. Which makes dreams so much more special to me. I feel like a child when I wake up from a happy dream. Trust me, I have this habit of remembering dreams and wonder what is the hidden message beneath it all. After all, there are sayings that dreams are practically expressions of things you want to happen, but couldn't in real life. Dream is my way of escaping reality.

Which is why I must get my 8 hours of beauty sleep every single night. If that doesn't happen, I would be really grumpy about it. Would definitely complain about it for the rest of the day, UNTIL I do get my beauty sleep.

Recurring dreams are the reasons to why I have fears today.

- Fear of chewing chewing gum
- Fear of witnessing injured animals
- Fear of spirits and ghosts and such

Probably the fear of taking examinations too? But I guess this is a general fear that everyone has. I simply don't see how people can get a comfortable sleep the night before their exams. There is just too much going through my head to worry about:
+ waking up in time for the exam
+ making sure I have everything I need for the examination
+ wondering if I would be hungry during the exams
+ making sure I have a water bottle filled with water in case I get thirsty
+ making sure I have a watch with me so that I can keep track with my time
+ making sure I get my way to the exam venue
+ alot more, really. Don't you people feel the same too? oh god. :/

With that aside, I am going to talk about my dream last night, which is very much related to my fear of ghosts.

Dreams are so weird that anything happens whenever it likes. LMAO. Liking how extremely random it gets sometimes. Doesn't make sense, but it has some story line to it SOMEHOW. Ridiculous!

Somehow in that dream of mine, the current house I am living in, was somehow haunted. The whole dream turned really weird where we have a 'shaman' (that's what google translated BOMOH to) came to each of our rooms to cast some spell or some sort of prayers to eliminate the ghosts or something. I was scared to the ultimate, but at the same time, I was trying to brainwash myself into believing it wasn't real, or at least my room wasn't haunted. But then the 'shaman' ended up coming to my room too, and started going all mumbly with some foreign language.

Then the dream somehow looped into somebody finding out that I have this fear, and was enrolled with this session whereby everybody in the session will experience ghost witnessing for the first time in their lives. Everybody on board were all daring and were fascinated by the fact that they were going to have a shot in seeing them for the first time. I, on the other hand, was pretty much TERRIFIED. I tried convincing myself: if I do see them this time, maybe I won't be afraid anymore? Maybe they are not that bad after all? BUT I COULDN'T OPEN MY EYES EVEN IN MY DREAMS TO LOOK AT THEM.

oh god.

Really. It was terrifying. I had that image in my head the whole time when I was apparently in that session. Images of scary looking monsters and ghosts that would scare the crap out of me. I just couldn't.

The fact that we know NOTHING about the powers of ghost, the fact that they have no definite shape of image, the fact that they are MOSTLY scary looking, it haunts me. I am scaring myself with all those vivid images in my head about how they look.... THEY ALL LOOK SO SCARY!!!! T.T

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

and hence, I grew a fear of the dark too. That thought of something ultimately scary popping out from NOWHERE, is a much much much higher scale than terrifying to me.

You can ask me to do bungee jumping and all, I would pretty much do it, maybe with a few thoughts and a little shiver, but I would. But... a haunted house? I would CRY on the spot. :/

This fear is something I definitely cannot overcome. I am scarred for life. D:

xxx

On the side note, this is something that I wrote last year on a friend's journal. I like the colours in this scene. :)

You close your eyes, concentrate on your breathing, taking a deep breath in, feeling your lungs expanding, slowly feeling like you are calming down, feeling all those petty problems fading away, your mind is clear, all you see is a pitch black vision; nothing else in sight, you release the air that you breathe in, slowly, releasing the pressure off of your chest, relaxing your body, calming your soul, drifting off to space into the pitch black darkness.

Slowly imagine that you are amongst the clouds. You see the blue sky above you, while you feel the soft, tender, fluffy feeling of the cloud. Floating across the sea of clouds. Weightless, burdenless, carefree. At a distance, you see the sun gleaming, painting the sky with shades of yellow. Watching how the sunbeams highlight the clouds, watching how the lining of the clouds glow amongst its clouded sea of white fluff, peaceful, pleasant.

Little fairies pop out of the clouds from every angle, each representing each colour of the rainbow. They come to greet you, flying around the area, leaving trails of their own rainbow colour as they fly. Watching them enjoying themselves with one another. Coming up to you, once in a while, wondering who or what you are. Nevertheless, not afraid of your presence. They seem to enjoy your presence, fluttering their wings each time they fly, shimmering glitter particles all over the place. They suddenly fly away from you, grouping together, and flies across the sky in unison. What was left, was the sky painted with a rainbow, bright with its colors and glistening with glitter particles on it...