In all honesty, I do feel like I am lacking alot in my social life. Here in Australia, it feels like I have nothing to do, other than to study, all day and all night, week in and week out. Which is actually a good thing, for I have definitely improved in my studies much more than I would have previously. I am not the kind who would go all out just to get a streak of HDs, I only wanted to prove myself that I could do better than this.

Despite the improvement, I was feeling absolutely empty on the inside.

Some may think that I am making this up, some say that I am not putting in effort to try to find myself a place here. I am going to have to agree with what they have said.

My first semester, I was absolutely afraid of making friends. Maybe it was because I was too afraid that I will lose my friends back in Malaysia, and searching for new friends here would be nowhere near the comparison with friends back there. Silly, I know. But I knew I needed friends. There had been times where I was absolutely clueless, not knowing how to solve my statistics questions. Which then lead to me realising that I do not have friends at all.

Having friends in a foreign place is one very important thing to do. I initially thought I would survive just fine without friends. But the difference from my previous year where I was literally everywhere to this confined self, it was something I am not used to at all. My priority was to live here, and attain good scores for my studies.

Priority achieved, right?

Almost.

This semester, I knew I had to try my best to make more friends. In all honesty, I still find it difficult making friends with the locals. Maybe it's cause of the dialect difference that I had to repeat myself almost all the time.

But I then told myself, I still needed to be myself, and they would eventually learn me as I am and accept me for me. It does sound like it is a little too much to ask from strangers, but that was the only thing I could think of whenever I had the chance to talk to people.

I would say I forgotten what it is like to be approaching people in the most well-mannered way. Or would I say, I have totally forgotten what it is like to talk to people who I do not know at all.

This time, I decided I was going to be myself. The pyscho, ridiculously no-brainer me. People will definitely find me annoying at first... Maybe? But with all sincerity, I do not mean harm, why overthink it, right? I don't know. I am confused.

I am trying my best to go all out, and be much more active around and find a reason for me to belong here.

First step: Join AIESEC.
Well of course, I failed. The interview proved that I was still a child on the inside, with seriously little experience about the real world. Though I am wondering, if this society was to help individuals improve themselves, why were they so bothered about how much I am lacking?
On the side note, at least I had gone through my first ever interview. I gained some experience from it, for sure. :)

Second step: Wildfire.
I AM DYING TO JOIN WILDFIRE. After much mental debates with myself, I settled down and told myself it was near impossible for me to join. Their training centre was all the way in the city. Plus the fact that I am taking public transportation, it REALLY IS impossible. :(

Third step: make friends with whoever I meet.
LOL. I would have to say I have succeeded in that. I decided that I did not give a damn about what people would think of me anymore, and just be extremely random as I can.

Nope. This isn't enough. I still need to find something else to do.

I do have friends. It is just that difficult to meet up with everyone often to strengthen that friendship.

hrmmmmm.