Listening to David Guetta ft. Sia's Titanium cover by Boyce Avenue.

Somehow, this time, I am listening to it, with a rather heavy heart. Somewhat a part of me is missing, vanished within the clouds. Evaporated in between the current so-called nerdy life I have now. Occupying my time, facing books as much as I could. Things have changed. People have changed. I, have changed.

I have mentioned how much this song meant to me, if you remember. Without fail, this song has brought significant thoughts and memories to me. The three people who had made me felt as though everything will alright when I got here. The three people who I spent my last day in Malaysia with. I was lifted from all my tensions about leaving, with that one trip.

Then as I was going through my days here, I had been highly dependent on a handful of people, these three in particular. I know deep down that I shouldn't, as it was obviously the dumbest thing I could do. But it was the littlest hope that I had then.

In a way, it had pulled me down a lot in my social life here. I felt extremely insecure, I felt depressed. I didn't had any friends whom I could actually hang out with. I pushed all my emotions away, by studying, and trying to keep myself happy. At one point, I knew I was trying too hard. By then, I was about to head for an exam, and I was about to go home.

All I thought of was going home, recover some questions that I had haunted myself with: have these people back at home totally forgotten me?

Maybe it was the short amount of time that I could spend at home, it was an inconvenience for everyone to accommodate with my time, just to meet up with me. But there was no way that the feeling I had when amongst these people, made me feel uncomfortable.

It used to be me just sitting amongst them, feeling absolutely normal eventhough I may not have anything to talk to them. The awkwardness when I hung out with them, was heartbreaking in a way where I could only sit there, try to pump up conversations with everyone, only to get cold responses. I swear the awkwardness could be felt by the rest too. But there was pretty much nothing we could do about it, anymore.

Who am I kidding? I am here, not there. My life is where I am. IF I were to be there, maybe that friendship would have lasted, and I would not have felt that strange awkwardness. I have left, life goes on. So does theirs.

It feels sad that I could no longer reconnect with them, in a way.

I really wish things hadn't changed.

If you do feel like your face has distorted from reading this, I am sure you know what happened. You, know who you are.