You tried proving to yourself that there is so much more than what you had done, who you had been. You tried proving to yourself that you can be much better than who you are today. You tried, you failed, you stopped to track back to where you have gone wrong. You have no answer to that. Reason maybe is simply because you knew you tried your best, but things just didn't go the way that you planned and thought it would be. Just like everything else, it is impossible for you to have a one time victory. There has to be that one moment of luck and a little bit of the good and bad in everything that you do. But which one outweighs the other, which one will emerge victorious after the strenuous mental struggle you have to go through just to have a result by the end of the day?

Well obviously I pretty much failed to meet my goal that I had set at the very beginning of this semester. Even by attending every single lectures and what not, my results still showed no difference. Which I find absolutely disappointing in myself. I immediately stopped and have a scan through of what it was that I had lacked, what it was that I could have possibly done wrong. Maybe it's because I was too invested into my extracurricular activities. YOLO, you can say. But look at what is lacking in me. Somehow I just wish that I have someone to yell at me for doing so badly again. It just doesn't feel like my results isn't doing me justice. Then again, who am I kidding?

Physiology was difficult for me, spent the entire semester complaining about how terrible the lectures are. Also, the three hours of lectures and three hours of lab per physio unit probably took a toll on me. I really did doubt myself on whether I could actually complete a major in Physiology. Music was just me messing my shit up. Getting a pass in that already makes me fly over the moon. No doubt I learned alot here, but I still think it's just me messing around with myself. LMAO. As for my biology unit.. one mark away from a distinction. I'd blame the cockiness as this was my last paper and I was absolutely relaxed about it. GOOD JOB.

If it was the extracurricular activities taking a massive chunk of my time, I'd probably have to agree. Many of you have probably seen or heard me complaining shit loads of what I have to do instead of ACTUALLY doing something about it. This is where I hate myself for being a girl, for being highly emotional about things that didn't need me stressing about. bullshit. If it was Ultimate Frisbee, I actually took a break from it for quite some time. THIS TOTES HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY STUDIES. Also, trying out for SUGs was on weekends, for like 2-3 hours. Being a pig that I am, I barely gave myself time to do extra trainings other than those scheduled ones with the team.

Speaking of Ulti, I still feel very blessed to have an opportunity to experience SUG with MUF this year. I only remember that I was really terrible at Defense as I couldn't be bothered to chase after my mark after a turnover simply because I was tired. I am pretty sure nobody actually expected me to do much at SUGs either. All I knew that I was the 7th girl on the team, where I am just filling in spaces and subbing when the girls are tired. Then again, they had more than enough girls on the team for subs anyways, so I had all the rest that I could possibly have. NO EXCUSES TO NOT RUN MY ARS OFF. Getting a couple of massive Ds were my proudest. I even had a couple of good cuts, but that's not important because we had better people who are better at cutting and catching the disc than me. HEHEHE. HEHEHEHEHEHE. Bronze. Another medal to add to my wall. :)

But in all seriousness, I don't really know what or where I can improve from where I 'achieved' from last semester. I actually NEVER gamed at all last semester. Come to think of it, I think I can survive.. Still doesn't do justice to what happened in comparison to the other two semesters. Like WHUT?

first sem : Loner. Gaming as companion. Studied like a complete nerd. 3D 1C.
sec sem: Got introduced to ultimate. Joined every single outing possible, slack on studying. Still gaming. 2P 2C
third sem: YOLO hardcore in almost everything I do.. NO GAMING. Less ulti.. 2P 2C..
I COULD HAVE GOTTEN 1D 2C and 1P!

Like in all honesty, if that one Distinction showed up in my results this sem, I'd probably be really happy. AT LEAST IT'S A SLIGHT IMPROVEMENT FROM THE SEM BEFORE.. damnitttttt..

What now?

Obviously I have got to finish what I started off with. With only three semesters left, two on my final year.. this is gonna be shit..

Mehhhhhhhh..

okay. :)