the blogging community is wide that i have no idea how did i come across certain things in the first place.

i would have to say, blogging is literally my life at this point of time. what there is in my mind, i would write them down in words, whether in my precious laptop or my handy handphone, i'd make sure i would have my thought written down in one way or another. probable being alone is what got me wanting to write more. knowing that i might actually bore the crap out of my friends if i were to constantly update them and bugging them on any random stuff i could blurt out at that moment. either that, or i would simply post some random words and thoughts on twitter. they really don't link, purely random thoughts to keep myself busy and free from depression.

wouldn't like to admit the fact that i have faced depression a little too much on the norm. even when i am amongst people whom i love dearly, i would often feel left out still. society had brainwashed me into thinking that if i were to admit that i am facing depression, one would tell me off into my face, saying that i am an attention seeking whore. sounds harsh doesn't it? sometimes i really do feel like i need a psychiatrist to talk to about my thoughts. knowing that it is their job to listen, it didnt feel like it was much of a bothersome thing to do, by spilling out all thoughts possible. but if you tell the society that you have plans to meet a pschiatrist or a counsellor, they would probably think you've gone mad.

people would say, isnt't that why we all have friends? yeah, we do. but if it comes down to me telling a friend about my problems, it does somewhat feel like i am shoving a loadful of unforseen burden onto them. true, we have best friends who are willing to listen to everything we say without judging us. but they are humans too. surely they have a limit to these kind of mentally psychologically things don't they?

fact is, we are all humans and we all need to express ourselves one way or another. only probably is that from time to time, we are shunned from doing so. which will then be bulked up into a whole lot of mess later on. =/

well. i had'nt been going out yesterday nor today. so yeah, i tend to have a whole lot of 'alone' time and this was something that has brought some agitation in me.
bear with me would ya?
i'm just expressing myself. :)

i have been here for almost a week now, still trying to accept the fact that i am here rather stubbornly too. silly me. but i guess i really couldn't help it. i wake up every morning, knowing that i am here in australia, yet my heart was yearning for me to go back asleep, hoping that this was all a dream and that i would wake up in malaysia again. and everynight before i sleep, i'll be wide awake up until 5am where my body could no longer stand being awake, just because i wanted to feel the same as everyone is back at home.

part of me feels like screaming, "OMG! I'M IN AUSTRALIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!", but deep down, it only reminded me that i missed home.

yes, i'm taking this homesickness rather seriously. maybe because i have yet to start my officialy australian life as uni life will only begin on the 20th of this month. which in turn gives me plenty of time to THINK and have many torturous thoughts that would bring me back into feeling homesick. please forgive me, i am a girl, who likes to see things in a 'reality' manner. i don't see the point of fabricating emotions and being 'i am so freaggin happy here in australia, everything here is awesome, back home, everything sucks, boo you!' kinda person.

as honest as i can be, i am enjoying my time here. i am.
just that that tingly part of me is missing home.