hello there, it has been awhile, has it not? heh. i've been busy hanging out with my friends having my last farewells with these people before i leave for good. also because i have partially lost the mood for blogging. have been really overwhelmed with the fact that i am actually leaving malaysia for australia, and stepping foot into a dream that i have always been dreaming of. it actually is coming true. i still find it really hard to believe so. but after all those preparation i have done, the only thing left to do is to bring that bold and brave attitude in me to surface, strong enough to face this huge hurdle that is placed right before my eyes at this moment.

there are so much to prepare that i even got confused with what i am supposed to pack in the first place. when i initially think of packing this, then another thought of something else came into mind, immediately eliminating the previous thought due to the lack of space i have in my luggages. i literally have to pack my whole closet there in order for me to feel safe that i have enough clothes to wear. but i am losing out on alot of other necessary things too. best way to solve this? write a list of course! but as the list grew, the importance of each object was losing it's placing as the luggage slowly begins to fill up. leaving me no choice but to pack them again when i come back for a second round. hopefully i have what i need for the whole period i will be there.

realise that this post is slightly boring and also quite out of topic, let's just assume this is some random rantings i have, talking about my random thoughts at the current moment yeah? haha! it's been awhile since i've gotten loose with my thoughts while i blog. seems like serious blogging was much more fun. BUT I WAS REALLY THAT OCCUPIED FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS! =(

the blues had taken place and blew me off my feet a few times already now. i ocassionally fall into depression thinking i will be leaving this place that i have grown with, forgotten. but i guess a little appreciation was all i needed to help me have my confidence back on the ground to feel that i will be alright eventhough i had to start a totally new life over the sea. i had been excited that i was actually reliving my dream at first. but the sadness slowly crept in, slowly, but very alarmingly. it is now that i realised that these people whom i know, are those who are the most spectacular people anyone could ever come to know of. i have no words to describe how awesome these people are, and i have learned to appreciate the littlest things that they have even given me. their appearance in my life itself is worth the world to me. now, instead of me worrying about them forgetting me, it is me, appreciating every single thing that they have given me in whichever time in my life that they appeared in.

the past two weeks had been really rough on me, knowing that it would probably be my last time meeting all these awesome people. it got me more and more reluctant to go to each meet up. the refusal attitude of me wanting to accept the fact. the stubborness of me not wanting to let go. the hardheaded side of me that i didn't want things to change for the fear that i could very well end up really lonely and sad in the land down under. as much as i try to be optimistic, sometimes reality does hit me really hard and i couldn't help but to stay in bed and gloom about it for the whole day. it was only courage and the appreciation that got me standing, to get up and say my last goodbyes. it got much harder to accept as the flight closed in.

and today, i am on my last day here.
i am nervousexcitedsadhappyanxiousworriedhomesickcuriousoptimisticscaredeager and many other vocabs that i could fit in, but these are all that i could think of at the moment. guess it is all that is needed to explain what i am feeling right now, yeah? haha

there were moments where i really felt like crying, for feeling touched, for feeling sad, for feeling heavy hearted and all, but i guess i am confused for what i am actually feeling that i could not squeeze any of those tears from my tear ducts at all. or maybe my tear ducts are severed. or it could also possibly be because that i am just not normal to begin with. hrm. i'd like the first option. ;D

it's my final night here!!
omgggggggggggggg
i wish i can sleep in bed for the whole day tomorrow, i'm missing my bed so much right now. a queen sized bed all to myself, with the freedom to kick and stretch however i likve without worrying of getting bruised, ahhhhh. i am feeling homesick already. ='(

what about my aunt?
yeah. i'm worried as hell for her, honestly. but she kept telling me, 'haha! when you're not around, i'll be so much more happier, less one person to be worried about.'
after all those years, i have learned her sarcasm methods of communicating. like of course she will be worried about me. not being vain, but she is like my mother to me. how could she not worry about me?! =P but i have a dream to chase. and i will come home someday, i owe her my life. and i know that i will have both her and my mother with me forever, through thick and thin, through the blizzard and the summer's heatwave, UNTIL THE DAY I DIE! their heart is mine to keep. =)

dear future boyfriend of mine, i do not have a heart. good luck finding it.

it's a clue there, isnt it?
oh my goodness. it has been so long since i last let loose of myself like this. i guess when i was really bored, i found academic writing much more amusing, but THIS is magical. =O

LMAO! you actually read up til here, give yourself a smile would'ja?
life is awesome, and so are you.
make rainbows when life gives you colours.
stay awesome! <3