Yes, I took those words seriously because it was my only hope, that last strand that I could keep hold of while watching everything else vanish. It wasnt as though I did not see this happening, but it was just that tiny hope that you wish that it wasnt happening for real.
Being away from home can bring you to a different altitude of emotions altogether. It is inevitable. All those once comforting and convincing messages you receive before you leave, up until the end of first week would flood your inbox, text, facebook wall posts, letters, tweets, and anyway possible. This was the phase that you believed that things would not change a slight bit, thinking that you will be remembered regardless, and everything will be there just as how you left it. But what happens next?
People who initially texts you daily, who you could chat with would still chat with you, accompanying you through the days of your fresh month in a foreign place. Nope, no signs of homesickness yet. Everything was just the way it is. Things could not remain like that somehow. Fact that life has to go on, only problem is, you are alive, and so are they. These people were eventually seeping out of your life. Somehow it seemed like they no longer care that you are no longer around. Somewhat portraying, "but you're not here, how are we supposed to include you into everything we do here?". It was a reality, kicking in, but rather unpleasantly.
As the days passed, you realise that reality was indeed kicking in. Things were changing a little too fast for your comfort. People back at home were having their life without you, and you still couldn't seem to find your place in your new land. Period time; approx 3rd week into your official life. You were hoping that your friends would be willing to accompany you, until you eventually find your own life. Well, reality had to show off her bitchiness for abit, and that is when you will fall into millions of pieces. 'Gimme your address! I'll write to you!!', and you waited there forever, the only thing that reached your mailbox was your housemates letters. 'Gimme your mobile number! I'll text you!!', only text I got was from the Telco company informing about your credit expenditure. It really does make you wonder, what are they trying to do? Give you false hope? Or say something just to make you feel alright for a moment, before assuming that you would understand that they are having their 'busy' new life?
Getting a secondary mobile, just for the sake of those people left back at home, simply because it would be cheaper for them to contact you while you are in a foreign land. Even after much explanation that it would not differ costs even when you were back there than you are eleswhere. Nope, they would only assume that it would cost both parties more, thus the cut from the texting. Then you thought you would give it a go, calling home. Little did you know, they did not pick up. Even when Skype is functioning at its best, they only worked BEST for your first one month in the new land.
Why would you say things like, 'will call you next week!' and make me wait eagerly for your phone call, then not calling me ever? Why tell me that you will always be there for me, when you obviously disappeared when I needed you most? Why tell me that you miss me, yet not even giving me a buzz whenever you are free? Do you know how when I felt like coming to all of you, to tell you that I miss you, made me feel like I am a freggin pain in the ass to each and every one of you? Do you know how much a single text from anyone of you would make me day? Do you know how much that one text could lift my spirits up? No. You, will never know. Because life if different now. Should've known not to believed in all those sweet talk crap that all of you told me at the very beginning. It is not like I am asking for your attention 24-7, I just wanted you to know that you should not have given such hopes when you yourself isnt sure if you could fulfill what you said with your own mouth. You have no idea how much a person in desperate times, would depend on it.
:)
Well, it takes me forever to settle down. That, I knew. Precisely why I chose to take chances by coming here from the start. There is no explanation for that insecurity I have. There is no point questioning either. It is there.
It was a point where I cried everyday for a week. I woke up and I found myself crying. It was that bad.
I have so many evidence all over my blog now. Tons of laugh-worthy posts when I come back to them again sometime in the future.
Ha! Bitch.
Friday, March 30, 2012
"Oi! Want to go *insert an attraction place here* or not? Drive there ah!"
I miss saying that! Even when it doesnt involve driving, I still miss it. Even when we do want to travel somewhere, we would have at least a faint memory of how to get there at least. There would not be a place where it is completely foreign to us if we even wanted to go somewhere. Right. That sentence doesnt make sense. Haha! I shall try rephrase that again. We have a faint idea of wherever were to go. Didnt feel like that made much difference, but yeah. :P
Not that I recall walking to a place and not know where to go. At least there, I would know if I ever do get lost, I will turn about and eventually find my way out. Call me snobbish, but it is true! D:
I took the public transport to BoxHill today. In fact, I just got here not too long ago, and I have never felt so lost. XD I thought it would be as simple as, stepping off the bus and walking straight to my destination. But no! I was dropped at a bus station, and I had no clue where I was supposed to go. HAHAHAHAHA!! Yeah. Too much egoism in me for that. *smack*smack* on my pride. Hehehe. Don't know why I didnt bother looking at the map prior to my journey here. HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Noh. I will get used to the place around here. I willlllllll. Can I get a car here too? Ehehehehehe.
...
I skipped my first class today. Somehow I could not wake up and I skipped a stats class for the first time. Even after that, I got myself up to be present at uni for my chemistry class, my head was so off focused, I had no idea what the lecturer was talking about. All I remember was some sort of dispersion force, dipolar force and hydrogen force. Eh. Owh well. At least I was present in class for chem. Thought I would just catch up on stats during my easter break. :/ heh.
...
I ate like a bowl of mashed potato, added with milk and mozzarella cheese for lunch. Why am I feeling hungry now? :( My appetite has increased tremendously since I came here. HAHAHAHAHA! Imagine me going home and eating a portion of large and still not feeling full. D: havent weighed myself in like 2-3weeks already. I wonder how much I gained. :P
...
Feeling really random now. Supposedly waiting for people to brief on the event tomorrow. But they are late, so I am here waiting, and I thought of blogging. :P Its earth hour tomorrow! Turn those lights off! ;)
...
Wah. This boy beside me is good at beatboxing! :O
...
Had dinner with the people I met during international orientation thingy. Heh. Too bad no Korean, but they were good company! Haha! You wait. I have a topic to ramble about next. :P That would be full of complaints. Nehehehe. ;)
<3
I miss saying that! Even when it doesnt involve driving, I still miss it. Even when we do want to travel somewhere, we would have at least a faint memory of how to get there at least. There would not be a place where it is completely foreign to us if we even wanted to go somewhere. Right. That sentence doesnt make sense. Haha! I shall try rephrase that again. We have a faint idea of wherever were to go. Didnt feel like that made much difference, but yeah. :P
Not that I recall walking to a place and not know where to go. At least there, I would know if I ever do get lost, I will turn about and eventually find my way out. Call me snobbish, but it is true! D:
I took the public transport to BoxHill today. In fact, I just got here not too long ago, and I have never felt so lost. XD I thought it would be as simple as, stepping off the bus and walking straight to my destination. But no! I was dropped at a bus station, and I had no clue where I was supposed to go. HAHAHAHAHA!! Yeah. Too much egoism in me for that. *smack*smack* on my pride. Hehehe. Don't know why I didnt bother looking at the map prior to my journey here. HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Noh. I will get used to the place around here. I willlllllll. Can I get a car here too? Ehehehehehe.
...
I skipped my first class today. Somehow I could not wake up and I skipped a stats class for the first time. Even after that, I got myself up to be present at uni for my chemistry class, my head was so off focused, I had no idea what the lecturer was talking about. All I remember was some sort of dispersion force, dipolar force and hydrogen force. Eh. Owh well. At least I was present in class for chem. Thought I would just catch up on stats during my easter break. :/ heh.
...
I ate like a bowl of mashed potato, added with milk and mozzarella cheese for lunch. Why am I feeling hungry now? :( My appetite has increased tremendously since I came here. HAHAHAHAHA! Imagine me going home and eating a portion of large and still not feeling full. D: havent weighed myself in like 2-3weeks already. I wonder how much I gained. :P
...
Feeling really random now. Supposedly waiting for people to brief on the event tomorrow. But they are late, so I am here waiting, and I thought of blogging. :P Its earth hour tomorrow! Turn those lights off! ;)
...
Wah. This boy beside me is good at beatboxing! :O
...
Had dinner with the people I met during international orientation thingy. Heh. Too bad no Korean, but they were good company! Haha! You wait. I have a topic to ramble about next. :P That would be full of complaints. Nehehehe. ;)
<3
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Pretty sure I have complained about my bio lab members sometime ago. I thought I could get use to it, but it just intensifies. Maybe I shouldn't be bothered so much about this matter, but the fact that she is sitting beside me in bio labs, and the fact that keeps tattering as though she knows everything, fact that she always thinks she is right, IT ANNOYS THE CRAP OUT OF ME. It is alright that she is chirpy and all, but you don't have to pretend you know everything when in fact, EVERY SINGLE HUMAN IS WRONG SOMEHOW. And because I am not too convinced with whatever I am doing, her tattering made her sound like she knows exactly what she is doing. Whatever she tatters, made me doubt my own thoughts and got me confused all over, EVENTHOUGH I AM RIGHT.
It was initially the two of them, this girl and the other guy who sits opposite us in our bench, but this time, the work was rather serious, so everyone else quieted down, but that GIRL JUST WENT ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON. Who goes like, "OKAY! So, we got this crossed with that and that crossed with that, and we have THIS!" every single time she tackles a question. That's like every ten seconds intervals. I was so annoyed that I just felt like saying, "Can you like stop talking to yourself for abit?" just to annoy the crap out of her. But I thought that was just rude of me if I were to do that.
This time I had to work with her to calculate and categorise flies. This time I was like, 'screw everything, I'll let you settle this one'.
Not to forget my demonstrator who doesn't seem to know what he is doing.
No wonder I dread Thursdays. -.-
Including that 2 times 2 hours break today. bleah.
Don't get me wrong, there is no way that I could possibly be happy over everything that is being thrown at me. There IS bound to be some downside to things. It is just a matter if I bother bringing it into an upside instead or not.
As much as I love bio, things like those little things does annoy me. It doesn't feel like I am learning enough and instead, getting even more confused than I normally would. That, is not what you want to get when your subjects are getting heavier and harder by the day. Of course you would want to learn properly in every class you attend, otherwise, what would all those stash of cash paid to the uni worth?
...
I stopped camping in the library already. :( Mainly cause it wasn't safe for me to walk home in the middle of the night after the library closes. :/ But it was so nice camping here in the library, just sitting here and not think about anything else other than studying and eating. I just need to have food with me whenever I study. At least it keeps me away from being hungry. :P Imagine sitting in the library, in front of the computer, with music playing in your ears, food opened up ready to be popped into your mouth and then focusing on your studying. Wonder how it is actually possible to study with so much going on? Well. It felt really nice, honestly. The music calms my mind, and the food keeps me happy, studying just felt much more productive that way. ;) Everybody has got their own studying methods, that, is mine. ;) Though it's quite upsetting cause I could no longer study at home. The dim orange light in my room just makes me feel like lazying whenever darktime came. Sun is going down much earlier now too, hrmmmmmmmmmm.
...
Would have to say, I am finally feeling like I belong here already. I have people who I can call friends. I have people who I can ask questions whenever I don't understand anything. I have people to hang out with when I feel like having a little companion.
Can I say that I finally am letting go?
There was this note on my my.monash website stating it was "Survival Week" during that period when I was totally breaking down. I didn't realise it was actually what it said it would be. Until when I started to feel much better, that note was still there for a few days up to a week, and now it isn't there anymore. HAHAHAHAHH! I guess I really have passed that phase of deep depression. :O
Cause right now, I could just walk about alone, without feeling lonely. Tackling assignments and studies accordingly, and also planning outings every now and then. I just felt much more relieved now. hehehehehehehehehehe. Even my cooking sort of improved. (It somehow felt like the cooking is highly dependent on emotional; scarily true. Personal experience. xD)
This weekend I will be packed with things to do.
Tonight : movie
Friday : dinner with singaporean friends
Satruday : volunteer at some asian event and Opera show in Monash
Sunday : *movie with housemate (TBC) and me spending sometime, chilling at home.
Even have thoughts of volunteering at the RSPCA throughout the whole Easter holiday week. :D (my sister gave me the suggestion, and it sounded like one awesome idea indeed)
Just yesterday I had a green light from Mummy, allowing me to go home for two weeks and then spend a week in Macau before coming back to Melbourne during my mid-sem break. You have no idea how overjoyed I was when she said that!
I was initially super bummed about the fact that she wanted to come over to Melb. Thinking that it would be WINTER and I had no place for her to bunk in, I thought of going to Macau, to warm myself abit. Then I checked the flights and they mainly needed to transit somewhere. Gave me the thought, HEY! I CAN ACTUALLY GO HOME!! But it was initially for a week. And the flight tickets were a killer. :/ approx 1.5k just to fly like that. bleahhhhhhhhhhh
Mummy told me that I should start working during my summer break, to earn my own money for my next flight home.
Honestly, that didn't sound like a bad idea!
:D
YEAY! I AM GOING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
;)
I wonder if people would actually be excited to see me as I am excited just to even have the thought of going home to meet these awesome people again. :O
Okay. I need to research on my bio essay.
DUE MONDAY MIDNIGHT. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
kantoi.
<3
It was initially the two of them, this girl and the other guy who sits opposite us in our bench, but this time, the work was rather serious, so everyone else quieted down, but that GIRL JUST WENT ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON. Who goes like, "OKAY! So, we got this crossed with that and that crossed with that, and we have THIS!" every single time she tackles a question. That's like every ten seconds intervals. I was so annoyed that I just felt like saying, "Can you like stop talking to yourself for abit?" just to annoy the crap out of her. But I thought that was just rude of me if I were to do that.
This time I had to work with her to calculate and categorise flies. This time I was like, 'screw everything, I'll let you settle this one'.
Not to forget my demonstrator who doesn't seem to know what he is doing.
No wonder I dread Thursdays. -.-
Including that 2 times 2 hours break today. bleah.
Don't get me wrong, there is no way that I could possibly be happy over everything that is being thrown at me. There IS bound to be some downside to things. It is just a matter if I bother bringing it into an upside instead or not.
As much as I love bio, things like those little things does annoy me. It doesn't feel like I am learning enough and instead, getting even more confused than I normally would. That, is not what you want to get when your subjects are getting heavier and harder by the day. Of course you would want to learn properly in every class you attend, otherwise, what would all those stash of cash paid to the uni worth?
...
I stopped camping in the library already. :( Mainly cause it wasn't safe for me to walk home in the middle of the night after the library closes. :/ But it was so nice camping here in the library, just sitting here and not think about anything else other than studying and eating. I just need to have food with me whenever I study. At least it keeps me away from being hungry. :P Imagine sitting in the library, in front of the computer, with music playing in your ears, food opened up ready to be popped into your mouth and then focusing on your studying. Wonder how it is actually possible to study with so much going on? Well. It felt really nice, honestly. The music calms my mind, and the food keeps me happy, studying just felt much more productive that way. ;) Everybody has got their own studying methods, that, is mine. ;) Though it's quite upsetting cause I could no longer study at home. The dim orange light in my room just makes me feel like lazying whenever darktime came. Sun is going down much earlier now too, hrmmmmmmmmmm.
...
Would have to say, I am finally feeling like I belong here already. I have people who I can call friends. I have people who I can ask questions whenever I don't understand anything. I have people to hang out with when I feel like having a little companion.
Can I say that I finally am letting go?
There was this note on my my.monash website stating it was "Survival Week" during that period when I was totally breaking down. I didn't realise it was actually what it said it would be. Until when I started to feel much better, that note was still there for a few days up to a week, and now it isn't there anymore. HAHAHAHAHH! I guess I really have passed that phase of deep depression. :O
Cause right now, I could just walk about alone, without feeling lonely. Tackling assignments and studies accordingly, and also planning outings every now and then. I just felt much more relieved now. hehehehehehehehehehe. Even my cooking sort of improved. (It somehow felt like the cooking is highly dependent on emotional; scarily true. Personal experience. xD)
This weekend I will be packed with things to do.
Tonight : movie
Friday : dinner with singaporean friends
Satruday : volunteer at some asian event and Opera show in Monash
Sunday : *movie with housemate (TBC) and me spending sometime, chilling at home.
Even have thoughts of volunteering at the RSPCA throughout the whole Easter holiday week. :D (my sister gave me the suggestion, and it sounded like one awesome idea indeed)
Just yesterday I had a green light from Mummy, allowing me to go home for two weeks and then spend a week in Macau before coming back to Melbourne during my mid-sem break. You have no idea how overjoyed I was when she said that!
I was initially super bummed about the fact that she wanted to come over to Melb. Thinking that it would be WINTER and I had no place for her to bunk in, I thought of going to Macau, to warm myself abit. Then I checked the flights and they mainly needed to transit somewhere. Gave me the thought, HEY! I CAN ACTUALLY GO HOME!! But it was initially for a week. And the flight tickets were a killer. :/ approx 1.5k just to fly like that. bleahhhhhhhhhhh
Mummy told me that I should start working during my summer break, to earn my own money for my next flight home.
Honestly, that didn't sound like a bad idea!
:D
YEAY! I AM GOING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
;)
I wonder if people would actually be excited to see me as I am excited just to even have the thought of going home to meet these awesome people again. :O
Okay. I need to research on my bio essay.
DUE MONDAY MIDNIGHT. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
kantoi.
<3
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
So... Apparently I have one group assignment this semester. Not too sure if it's me having that dumb Asian look, but I am pretty sure that Australian girl in my group thinks that I am one. You could feel that sense where she is feeling, "god, I have to group with group of people because I have no other choice". You can say that I am being judgemental, but if it didn't feel at all that disturbing, I wouldnt have mentioned it.
It's not all the time where you feel disturbed even by not knowing that person beside you and not even talking to them. Somehow gave me that 'ping' whereby I would evade whenever I feel uncomfortable just by sitting there quietly, yet feeling uncomfortable somehow. It doesnt always happen, but when it does, yoy know something just isnt right.
Reminded of that day when I had my first chem class. I am not sure if I have mentioned here on my blog before, but I sat beside this aussie girl, wanting to try my luck on being friends with her. Little did I know, that weird feeling was actually telling me to go away from her. I would have never known if she didn't say, "why are there so many Asians around here?" to her friend. My god. -.- Since then, I couldnt even bother trying to be friends with anyone anymore.
Maybe it's me having that retarded unfriendly face or maybe I have that bad aura when I am amongst people or maybe it's just not my luck.
Hah!
Screw you. If you really think I am like that, sad for you, you are only making your life miserable. :P
;)
<3
It's not all the time where you feel disturbed even by not knowing that person beside you and not even talking to them. Somehow gave me that 'ping' whereby I would evade whenever I feel uncomfortable just by sitting there quietly, yet feeling uncomfortable somehow. It doesnt always happen, but when it does, yoy know something just isnt right.
Reminded of that day when I had my first chem class. I am not sure if I have mentioned here on my blog before, but I sat beside this aussie girl, wanting to try my luck on being friends with her. Little did I know, that weird feeling was actually telling me to go away from her. I would have never known if she didn't say, "why are there so many Asians around here?" to her friend. My god. -.- Since then, I couldnt even bother trying to be friends with anyone anymore.
Maybe it's me having that retarded unfriendly face or maybe I have that bad aura when I am amongst people or maybe it's just not my luck.
Hah!
Screw you. If you really think I am like that, sad for you, you are only making your life miserable. :P
;)
<3
Monday, March 26, 2012
Here are two posts that I didnt post up online.
Just a preview on how depressed I was then. :P
29th Feb 2012:
Everyone whom sit with, I would say, "hi! I'm Kimberly!" and after the other person responses, the conversation ends there. It is either because the lecture has started or the conversation just couldnt be saved. Fact that if one tells me I am not even trying, I wish I could have a recorder in my eyes to record how my day is like. I want to feel like I belong here, I really do. And its not like I did not try, maybe I tried a little too hard, but either way, I still did try.
I am a foreign student here in Melbourne. Of course I would feel insecure amongst a community of whom I am NOT familiar with. When I first came to melb, everybody were all so friendly, that I even felt so scared that they may see me as a rude bitch. And then uni started, where did all the super friendly aussies went?! I even bumped into a couple of racist Australians. One on my orientation, the first person whom I wanted to be friends with and one more just yesterday. The first was an obvious racist bitch, cause I tried talking to her and out conversation stopped at hello. Then an aussie came and sit on her right, she immediately got so jolly and I even see them walking around campus together that day. No, they were not friends prior to that day as I heard them introducing themselves to each other. That has definitely shaken up my confidence to the max. Yesterday? This aussie girl. I said hi, she said hi, and we were done. I felt so uncomfortable sitting there beside her. Moments after that,al she turned to her friend and said, "why are there so many Asians around here?". I was still there right beside her then. My guts had told me the right indication, and I moved away from that seat.
It is always me who says hi first. Obviously I am desperate for a friend. Imagine walking amongst the whole bunch of brainy science students and you know NO ONE at all. You are in a foreign land, you faced some racist people of that country. How the hell do you expect me to be so chirpy and not miss home for a single bit?
If I try being anti social, my friends would tell me that I am being silly. As if I didnt know that making friends is important. So important that it took me ten months to get closer to those bunch of college friends I have til today.
Fact that the lectures begins as soon as the clock strikes 5mins past the hour, and stops 5 mins sharp before the hour, students will all be paying attention. Where am I supposed to find time to mix around then? If it's a comfort zone that is stopping me from doing what I am supposed to do, then no. Comfort zone is me staying back home in Malaysia and study like everyone else in that same uni, reluctant to allow time to change things. But I have punched through almost all kinds of walls I could, just to get here. And now I have the friendship barrier.
Friends back in msia are all busy with their start of uni, I can't possibly hog the crap out of their time and make sure they are there with me 24-7. That is just plain selfish. They have got. Their own lives too and they need to live theirs. But letting go is that difficult at this stage. It feels like nobody is understanding what it feels like at the moment.
Fact that you are amongst the school of tuna, you are still the only one there, with no one to interact with. It is not only me feeling this horrible, so far, I have two others who are feeling the same as I am, lonely.
I love where I am right now, I just need a company to share my life with.
3rd March 2012:
At this moment, it feels like I am in the middle of nowhere. I don't feel like I belong here, neither do I feel like I would be welcomed if I were to return home. Deep down I know this is where I want to be. But I can't help but to feel extremely lonely at the moment. I am resulting into studying just to occupy my mind off my worries. Depressed would be the best word to describe my current emotions. All I want to do is curl in bed and not do anything at all.
Waking up to nothing, is the worst feeling ever. Knowing that the emptiness is there, it literally haunts your living daylight. I have never felt this insecure, ever. Looking back at those days when I had absolutely everything, they all look ridiculous now. Everything and everyone seemed distant now.
I am living my dream on an empty life.
Well. After that I just stopped writing stuff like that. But I am pretty sure it showed throughout this whole month's posts. Hehehehehe.
Depressed? Done that!
Having the urge to go home? Done that!
Right now, I am only wondering what to have to treat my tummy this coming weekend. :)
Yeay! :)
<3
Just a preview on how depressed I was then. :P
29th Feb 2012:
Everyone whom sit with, I would say, "hi! I'm Kimberly!" and after the other person responses, the conversation ends there. It is either because the lecture has started or the conversation just couldnt be saved. Fact that if one tells me I am not even trying, I wish I could have a recorder in my eyes to record how my day is like. I want to feel like I belong here, I really do. And its not like I did not try, maybe I tried a little too hard, but either way, I still did try.
I am a foreign student here in Melbourne. Of course I would feel insecure amongst a community of whom I am NOT familiar with. When I first came to melb, everybody were all so friendly, that I even felt so scared that they may see me as a rude bitch. And then uni started, where did all the super friendly aussies went?! I even bumped into a couple of racist Australians. One on my orientation, the first person whom I wanted to be friends with and one more just yesterday. The first was an obvious racist bitch, cause I tried talking to her and out conversation stopped at hello. Then an aussie came and sit on her right, she immediately got so jolly and I even see them walking around campus together that day. No, they were not friends prior to that day as I heard them introducing themselves to each other. That has definitely shaken up my confidence to the max. Yesterday? This aussie girl. I said hi, she said hi, and we were done. I felt so uncomfortable sitting there beside her. Moments after that,al she turned to her friend and said, "why are there so many Asians around here?". I was still there right beside her then. My guts had told me the right indication, and I moved away from that seat.
It is always me who says hi first. Obviously I am desperate for a friend. Imagine walking amongst the whole bunch of brainy science students and you know NO ONE at all. You are in a foreign land, you faced some racist people of that country. How the hell do you expect me to be so chirpy and not miss home for a single bit?
If I try being anti social, my friends would tell me that I am being silly. As if I didnt know that making friends is important. So important that it took me ten months to get closer to those bunch of college friends I have til today.
Fact that the lectures begins as soon as the clock strikes 5mins past the hour, and stops 5 mins sharp before the hour, students will all be paying attention. Where am I supposed to find time to mix around then? If it's a comfort zone that is stopping me from doing what I am supposed to do, then no. Comfort zone is me staying back home in Malaysia and study like everyone else in that same uni, reluctant to allow time to change things. But I have punched through almost all kinds of walls I could, just to get here. And now I have the friendship barrier.
Friends back in msia are all busy with their start of uni, I can't possibly hog the crap out of their time and make sure they are there with me 24-7. That is just plain selfish. They have got. Their own lives too and they need to live theirs. But letting go is that difficult at this stage. It feels like nobody is understanding what it feels like at the moment.
Fact that you are amongst the school of tuna, you are still the only one there, with no one to interact with. It is not only me feeling this horrible, so far, I have two others who are feeling the same as I am, lonely.
I love where I am right now, I just need a company to share my life with.
3rd March 2012:
At this moment, it feels like I am in the middle of nowhere. I don't feel like I belong here, neither do I feel like I would be welcomed if I were to return home. Deep down I know this is where I want to be. But I can't help but to feel extremely lonely at the moment. I am resulting into studying just to occupy my mind off my worries. Depressed would be the best word to describe my current emotions. All I want to do is curl in bed and not do anything at all.
Waking up to nothing, is the worst feeling ever. Knowing that the emptiness is there, it literally haunts your living daylight. I have never felt this insecure, ever. Looking back at those days when I had absolutely everything, they all look ridiculous now. Everything and everyone seemed distant now.
I am living my dream on an empty life.
Well. After that I just stopped writing stuff like that. But I am pretty sure it showed throughout this whole month's posts. Hehehehehe.
Depressed? Done that!
Having the urge to go home? Done that!
Right now, I am only wondering what to have to treat my tummy this coming weekend. :)
Yeay! :)
<3
Cause baby it's cold outside and I've got nobody to love~
Go on, Google that lyric. I can't recall who sang that either. :P
It's Monday! Well, I personally don't dread Mondays. Simply because my class doesnt start til noon. Which gives me ample amount of time to do whatever I needed to do in ease. :) would have dreaded it if my mondays are early. So yeah. Life is good at the moment. :)
It's getting colder though. And Melbourne's temperature is like a top class bitch. One moment it could be freezing cold, and the next, fairly hot. It really does confuses me on what I should be wearing. What I fear most is that I might be under dressed. :/ Moments like these, I would rather cuddle in bed and not move for the rest of the day. It is barely even close to winter yet. No clue how am I gonna survive winter. T.T
I shall try my hands on mashed potato tonight! ;)
Wish me luck!! <3
Go on, Google that lyric. I can't recall who sang that either. :P
It's Monday! Well, I personally don't dread Mondays. Simply because my class doesnt start til noon. Which gives me ample amount of time to do whatever I needed to do in ease. :) would have dreaded it if my mondays are early. So yeah. Life is good at the moment. :)
It's getting colder though. And Melbourne's temperature is like a top class bitch. One moment it could be freezing cold, and the next, fairly hot. It really does confuses me on what I should be wearing. What I fear most is that I might be under dressed. :/ Moments like these, I would rather cuddle in bed and not move for the rest of the day. It is barely even close to winter yet. No clue how am I gonna survive winter. T.T
I shall try my hands on mashed potato tonight! ;)
Wish me luck!! <3
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Off to the city again! Hrmmm. I wonder what random thoughts I would think of for this post this time around.
Its three to 10.40am. Was supposed to meet up with my sis in the city at 10.40am. Knowing it's a weekend, it takes a much longer time traveling to places as there are less buses around. Where I live is considerably convenient with buses and all, only problem is the timing. Yes, they do come by 'occasionally', but I guess it's the big and complicated system they have that brings delays every now and then.
I do miss the luxurious life of having a car to drive around with. As much as it costs rm50 per week, and toll of rm50 per month, totalling to an approximate of... 250 per month! Not included with car maintenance and all, it was definitely a luxury item. At least then, the only problem that could delay you, would be the unforseen traffic. Or, you could get stuck in the traffic on purpose, getting somewhere late on purpose. You are given the privilege to predict your travelling duration.
Seriously thought of getting a car here at one point of time. Think cause I waited half an hour for a bus and it was during rush hour, also because I was late for class. Yeah, I could've woken up earlier and be there, waiting for the bus, there was no way I would be late then. HAHA! Alright, I know. It's just a background of where I got that thought of getting a car from. ;)
Especially on weekends. It gets so frustrating waiting and waiting and waiting. It would be alright if I had had nothing waiting to be done at home. Just last night, I think I spent a total of 50mins of bus waiting? Bleahh. I would really need to be relaxed in order to travel around on weekends, no proposed meet up time, nothing left undone before leaving home, I must be fully cleared off my mind. :O
Lol. I just complained. Oops. SORRY!! ><
Shopping for groceries is JOY!
Seriously, everytime I do my groceries shopping, I would have gazillion thoughts in my mind wondering how or what I were to cook if I were to get that one ingredient. Also second to that, I get to buy whatever food I want to fill my cravings. How can I not be happy? THEY ARE ALL FOOD!! Though it gets pretty worrying when I accidentally spent a little too much compared to the week before. :X Even have one whole cupboard area filled with dry food. Omg. Just thinking about my stash of food in my room makes me HAPPY! :D Sad I can't buy icecream and put them there, not even my freezer has enough space to put not more than three tiny stacks of meat. :( On the bright side, it makes me treasure icecream more whenever I have them.
The best icecream, actually GELATI I have tasted ever is located in the city! I would bug the crap out of everyone if they were to go to the city with me. But its freggin far. :( EVEN MORE JOY WHEN I GET TO EAT IT!!! Omg. Gonna bug the crap out of my sis to get some later. *ridiculous drool face*
Fav flavour : honeycomb and green tea.
Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!! GELATI AIN'T RUNNING AWAY FROM ME THIS TIME!! Roar!
Arriving flinders street, 11.05am, 25th March 2012. ( ooh. I miss doing this dating thingy :D )
Public transportation is being nice to me today! Wah. :) Took me an hour to get here if I had not have to wait. :D though I did wait initially for 20 mins for my first bus. But things went smoothly after that. Wah!! I am impressed!! :D
Had to transfer from a bus to a train and now a tram. Like a local! Woohoo! Well, today seems like a good day, yeah? :)
11.18am
10.02pm
Nicely washed up and getting ready for bed. Haha! It is like some live tweet I am doing with this post, only difference is that this one is much longer and longwindedly boring. :P
And so, I am the happiest girl ever today! Had an awesome breakfast, filling my tummy with dimsum! Walked around Melbourne city (though I have gotten bored of it already). WENT TO MIDDLE BRIGHTON BEACH! The one I wanted to go two weeks back. Feeling pretty blessed that I still got to go eventhough I missed the chance to before that. Though honestly, I was rather disappointed at the sight of the beach. It didnt have that sea smell and it didnt feel 'beachy' enough somehow. :/ But I still got to go. =')
Lastly. I had a super tummy filling dinner and...
I HAD MY SHARE OF AWESOME GELATI!!!!!!!!! Omg! =')
Eventhough my tummy was already super stuffed by dinner, and also eventhough I got really cold after that, the fact that I got to eat it was... omg. =')
Aaaahhhhhhhhh!!!! :D
Its three to 10.40am. Was supposed to meet up with my sis in the city at 10.40am. Knowing it's a weekend, it takes a much longer time traveling to places as there are less buses around. Where I live is considerably convenient with buses and all, only problem is the timing. Yes, they do come by 'occasionally', but I guess it's the big and complicated system they have that brings delays every now and then.
I do miss the luxurious life of having a car to drive around with. As much as it costs rm50 per week, and toll of rm50 per month, totalling to an approximate of... 250 per month! Not included with car maintenance and all, it was definitely a luxury item. At least then, the only problem that could delay you, would be the unforseen traffic. Or, you could get stuck in the traffic on purpose, getting somewhere late on purpose. You are given the privilege to predict your travelling duration.
Seriously thought of getting a car here at one point of time. Think cause I waited half an hour for a bus and it was during rush hour, also because I was late for class. Yeah, I could've woken up earlier and be there, waiting for the bus, there was no way I would be late then. HAHA! Alright, I know. It's just a background of where I got that thought of getting a car from. ;)
Especially on weekends. It gets so frustrating waiting and waiting and waiting. It would be alright if I had had nothing waiting to be done at home. Just last night, I think I spent a total of 50mins of bus waiting? Bleahh. I would really need to be relaxed in order to travel around on weekends, no proposed meet up time, nothing left undone before leaving home, I must be fully cleared off my mind. :O
Lol. I just complained. Oops. SORRY!! ><
Shopping for groceries is JOY!
Seriously, everytime I do my groceries shopping, I would have gazillion thoughts in my mind wondering how or what I were to cook if I were to get that one ingredient. Also second to that, I get to buy whatever food I want to fill my cravings. How can I not be happy? THEY ARE ALL FOOD!! Though it gets pretty worrying when I accidentally spent a little too much compared to the week before. :X Even have one whole cupboard area filled with dry food. Omg. Just thinking about my stash of food in my room makes me HAPPY! :D Sad I can't buy icecream and put them there, not even my freezer has enough space to put not more than three tiny stacks of meat. :( On the bright side, it makes me treasure icecream more whenever I have them.
The best icecream, actually GELATI I have tasted ever is located in the city! I would bug the crap out of everyone if they were to go to the city with me. But its freggin far. :( EVEN MORE JOY WHEN I GET TO EAT IT!!! Omg. Gonna bug the crap out of my sis to get some later. *ridiculous drool face*
Fav flavour : honeycomb and green tea.
Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!! GELATI AIN'T RUNNING AWAY FROM ME THIS TIME!! Roar!
Arriving flinders street, 11.05am, 25th March 2012. ( ooh. I miss doing this dating thingy :D )
Public transportation is being nice to me today! Wah. :) Took me an hour to get here if I had not have to wait. :D though I did wait initially for 20 mins for my first bus. But things went smoothly after that. Wah!! I am impressed!! :D
Had to transfer from a bus to a train and now a tram. Like a local! Woohoo! Well, today seems like a good day, yeah? :)
11.18am
10.02pm
Nicely washed up and getting ready for bed. Haha! It is like some live tweet I am doing with this post, only difference is that this one is much longer and longwindedly boring. :P
And so, I am the happiest girl ever today! Had an awesome breakfast, filling my tummy with dimsum! Walked around Melbourne city (though I have gotten bored of it already). WENT TO MIDDLE BRIGHTON BEACH! The one I wanted to go two weeks back. Feeling pretty blessed that I still got to go eventhough I missed the chance to before that. Though honestly, I was rather disappointed at the sight of the beach. It didnt have that sea smell and it didnt feel 'beachy' enough somehow. :/ But I still got to go. =')
Lastly. I had a super tummy filling dinner and...
I HAD MY SHARE OF AWESOME GELATI!!!!!!!!! Omg! =')
Eventhough my tummy was already super stuffed by dinner, and also eventhough I got really cold after that, the fact that I got to eat it was... omg. =')
Aaaahhhhhhhhh!!!! :D
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
This pants is so tight, I feel like ripping it off. Why on earth did I buy such tight pants? Oh lord. Makes me feel like running home just to get this pair of jeans off my already skinny legs. Hrmmm. Problem is, it fits me so nicely that I never really thought twice. HAHAHA! IT ISNT EASY FOR ME TO FIND PANTS THAT COULD FIT ME PROPERLY, OKAY?!
You know how some songs just reminds you of a certain someone? There seemed to have no explanation to it, but everytime this particular song comes up, some images of what had happened before with that song in play, floods your thoughts for that moment. Very sentimental indeed. Especially when that song had been gone, buried under all the other newer mainstream songs. Then it suddenly decideed to play out of nowhere, the flood of memories you get would probably drown you in a tsunami like wave.
Just happens that each and every song would bring a different meaning, the song Titanium by David Guetta ft. Sia, reminded me of that last week I had back in Malaysia before I came over. The memories within that one song was tremendous that I would just sit there and browse through the images in my head about that whole week's events while enjoying the flow and beat of the music.
Right now, I feel like talking about it. I just remembered that this was one part of my memory that I kept in my head and not putting it down to preserve this particular memory. I guess I was worried of what people would respond to it, but hey, I am a big girl, I can take care of myself. ;) Hopefully after putting this piece of memory here, I can let it go and fill that memory space with newer ones. :)
So~ what the last week was like? A tremendously filled emotional week. As if I am not done mentioning how emotional I have been regarding this BIG STEP I made. HAHAHA. Bare with me, darlings, I am still learning to accept things as it is. :X
LOL! I am hesitating. :X
That song, Titanium, reminded me most about these three people, Brandon, Jian Arn and Kevin. The first time I was introduced to this song, was when I was following them for a random outing for the whole day. I was the only girl then, but I couldn't care less, cause I am the kind who is used to hanging out with guys more than girls. Honestly saying, I prefer hanging out with guys more than girls too. Hypocrite of my own kind, but yeah. I guess I was hesitating about this because if I were to mention or tell my friend that I will be the only girl hanging out with the guys, they would give me that 'disgusted' response and I would feel 'one kind' after that. HAHA! But yeah, screw that. It is after all what I am most comfortable with anyways. It isn't to say that the girls were free to accompany me around anyways.
ANYHOO. I hung out with the boys and they were doing their boys stuff, driving around random places and going for games of Pool whenever they could. Best part was that I didn't need to drive. HAHAHAH! :P It didn't feel awkward at all eventhough they were only talking about football and girls, I just felt comfortable sitting there, just enjoying their company. Funny how I would always feel left out when I am with a group of girls. Hrmph. So yes, it somehow helped lifted me off my depression for abit when I hung out with them.
Then there was this spontaneous overnight trip that the 4 of us had, up to Bukit Tinggi, just two nights before my departure to Aussie. I had no idea what I was thinking then, but I knew I wanted to go. But we had a problem, Jian Arn was already up there, and it was me, Brandon and Kevin needing to plan on how to get our asses up there for the night. I thought it would be too late for us to go up, but we went on anyhow. Brandon the driver, me as the GPS and Kevin as the passenger.
This is the post that I had written in my mobile but had never gotten it published:
" And today, I am here with three guys. The only girl amongst the rest of them. And I was initially worried of how I would fit in, but I couldnt care less. It just felt like I needed to come or some shit. Not a single thought on where I would sleep or how I would be feeling like amongst them.
They offered me the bed. Though I know they would prefer to sleep on the bed if they could, but because I was the only girl, it was only appropriate for me to have the bed for my own. I guess despite how much one tries to cut the fact that there are gender differences, the fact still remains. The unwritten boundary about it.
This is my first time hanging out in such manner. I do feel a tad bit uncomfortable, but fact is, this isnt as bad as it is. They did not push me aside for being the female, they included me in things they do. Which is fine really. Somewhat of things I needed. I could listen to what they have to say, and could just let lose.
Watching that chick flick just now, I did not feel awkward at all. I guess I have grown up in a manner where those things are acceptable. I got used to them cursing too. =P Hahahahaha! Definitely a stepping stone for me. Least to say, I have to learn to see if friends could be trusted before we could actually do things past the society's stigma. "
Wah. Sounded sentimental. I guess I was really emotional then. HAHA!
At least I had the chance to do that kinda thing before coming over here, ey? Honestly saying, that wasn't the only one time that I hung out as the only girl amongst the guys. There was another gang, Sean, Sa'doon, Luke, Marcus, Gareth, Wei Qi and Jeremy, sometimes Ka Weng joins us too. HAHAHAHAHHA! But at least this one has Sam joining us from time to time whenever she has the time to. MEEPLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
And when both these two groups are combined, HAHAHA. Epic.
It somehow seems like a pattern. If I were to hang out with girls, it would be a maximum of us three girls together. If it were to be any more than that, I would bail out or feel extremely awkward. Probably because it is much easier to talk when the max is only three of us, at least I know I will be heard then. hrmmm. Not too sure why exactly though. But I really do like it when I have personal meet ups with my girls. <3
GEORGE AND YUVARAJ ARE MY GIRLS! I can hang around these two with or without extra company. :D
I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose, far away, far away~~
SERIOUSLY THIS PANTS... OMG!
You know how some songs just reminds you of a certain someone? There seemed to have no explanation to it, but everytime this particular song comes up, some images of what had happened before with that song in play, floods your thoughts for that moment. Very sentimental indeed. Especially when that song had been gone, buried under all the other newer mainstream songs. Then it suddenly decideed to play out of nowhere, the flood of memories you get would probably drown you in a tsunami like wave.
Just happens that each and every song would bring a different meaning, the song Titanium by David Guetta ft. Sia, reminded me of that last week I had back in Malaysia before I came over. The memories within that one song was tremendous that I would just sit there and browse through the images in my head about that whole week's events while enjoying the flow and beat of the music.
Right now, I feel like talking about it. I just remembered that this was one part of my memory that I kept in my head and not putting it down to preserve this particular memory. I guess I was worried of what people would respond to it, but hey, I am a big girl, I can take care of myself. ;) Hopefully after putting this piece of memory here, I can let it go and fill that memory space with newer ones. :)
So~ what the last week was like? A tremendously filled emotional week. As if I am not done mentioning how emotional I have been regarding this BIG STEP I made. HAHAHA. Bare with me, darlings, I am still learning to accept things as it is. :X
LOL! I am hesitating. :X
That song, Titanium, reminded me most about these three people, Brandon, Jian Arn and Kevin. The first time I was introduced to this song, was when I was following them for a random outing for the whole day. I was the only girl then, but I couldn't care less, cause I am the kind who is used to hanging out with guys more than girls. Honestly saying, I prefer hanging out with guys more than girls too. Hypocrite of my own kind, but yeah. I guess I was hesitating about this because if I were to mention or tell my friend that I will be the only girl hanging out with the guys, they would give me that 'disgusted' response and I would feel 'one kind' after that. HAHA! But yeah, screw that. It is after all what I am most comfortable with anyways. It isn't to say that the girls were free to accompany me around anyways.
ANYHOO. I hung out with the boys and they were doing their boys stuff, driving around random places and going for games of Pool whenever they could. Best part was that I didn't need to drive. HAHAHAH! :P It didn't feel awkward at all eventhough they were only talking about football and girls, I just felt comfortable sitting there, just enjoying their company. Funny how I would always feel left out when I am with a group of girls. Hrmph. So yes, it somehow helped lifted me off my depression for abit when I hung out with them.
Then there was this spontaneous overnight trip that the 4 of us had, up to Bukit Tinggi, just two nights before my departure to Aussie. I had no idea what I was thinking then, but I knew I wanted to go. But we had a problem, Jian Arn was already up there, and it was me, Brandon and Kevin needing to plan on how to get our asses up there for the night. I thought it would be too late for us to go up, but we went on anyhow. Brandon the driver, me as the GPS and Kevin as the passenger.
This is the post that I had written in my mobile but had never gotten it published:
" And today, I am here with three guys. The only girl amongst the rest of them. And I was initially worried of how I would fit in, but I couldnt care less. It just felt like I needed to come or some shit. Not a single thought on where I would sleep or how I would be feeling like amongst them.
They offered me the bed. Though I know they would prefer to sleep on the bed if they could, but because I was the only girl, it was only appropriate for me to have the bed for my own. I guess despite how much one tries to cut the fact that there are gender differences, the fact still remains. The unwritten boundary about it.
This is my first time hanging out in such manner. I do feel a tad bit uncomfortable, but fact is, this isnt as bad as it is. They did not push me aside for being the female, they included me in things they do. Which is fine really. Somewhat of things I needed. I could listen to what they have to say, and could just let lose.
Watching that chick flick just now, I did not feel awkward at all. I guess I have grown up in a manner where those things are acceptable. I got used to them cursing too. =P Hahahahaha! Definitely a stepping stone for me. Least to say, I have to learn to see if friends could be trusted before we could actually do things past the society's stigma. "
Wah. Sounded sentimental. I guess I was really emotional then. HAHA!
At least I had the chance to do that kinda thing before coming over here, ey? Honestly saying, that wasn't the only one time that I hung out as the only girl amongst the guys. There was another gang, Sean, Sa'doon, Luke, Marcus, Gareth, Wei Qi and Jeremy, sometimes Ka Weng joins us too. HAHAHAHAHHA! But at least this one has Sam joining us from time to time whenever she has the time to. MEEPLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
And when both these two groups are combined, HAHAHA. Epic.
It somehow seems like a pattern. If I were to hang out with girls, it would be a maximum of us three girls together. If it were to be any more than that, I would bail out or feel extremely awkward. Probably because it is much easier to talk when the max is only three of us, at least I know I will be heard then. hrmmm. Not too sure why exactly though. But I really do like it when I have personal meet ups with my girls. <3
GEORGE AND YUVARAJ ARE MY GIRLS! I can hang around these two with or without extra company. :D
I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose, far away, far away~~
SERIOUSLY THIS PANTS... OMG!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
The irony of it all,
I am actually living my dreams.
One that I only thought of three years ago. Sometimes, taking a step back to see where have you been, could actually propel you much further forward when you can't even put a step forward at all. Somewhat like that one step in front of you would make you fall a million feet towards death, or you have to take a slingshot to get over that one stepl. Sounds like cheating if you ask me, but it isn't always that these 'situations' come by. And when they do, it is just a matter whether you choose to take the plus points or take the hard (but definitely a silly) move.
I WANTED TO BE HERE!
And so I am here, but I am not having the time of my life as I expected. CORRECTION: I wasn't expecting anything at all, to be honest. I guess I was just too preoccupied with the fact that, 'I MUST GET MY ASS TO AUSTRALIA REGARDLESS OF THE CONSEQUESNCES'. Would that be a dumb thing to do? Was I too ambitious then? Or it just happened to be the right attitude that was necessary, otherwise I won't be able to experience what I am experiencing at this very moment.
Mixed feelings on how I should be feeling, on how I am feeling even. Which one has more priority? Living here, or studying properly? No doubt the education here was definite worth the determination to get my ass here. After all, I was lucky enough to get into Monash even. But I totally blocked those 'luck' away, and started glooming on whatever I was missing; home, friends, company, THAT QUEEN SIZED BED, MY DARLING SUNNY (my mother's, but yeah, it's like mine, LOL).
EVERYTHING was perfect then. Not to say that things aren't perfect here, but I guess I am still on the edge, trying to set my feet into this magnificent land that seemed to provide me a promising future, but an obvious struggle to get there. On the other hand, the past was no longer worth stepping back anymore either.
Truth is, I am finding it difficult to step into that mess ahead of me. Fact that everyone else has already left me and are tens of steps ahead of me, makes me feel like there wasn't any point going on anyways. DUMB THOUGHT. haha! Don't blame me, please. It's just my ridiculous thought, you always have a choice to stop reading you know? :P
Or maybe I'm just too tired from the routine I am having at the moment. Assignments, self studies and never ending streak of online tests. It tends to make me worry that I would not be able to catch up and be left out. Not to forget, I might actually miss out the most important details of any given duedates or information. :O
SCARY OKAY?!
I am complaining like a bitch. hehehe.
SORRY BOSS! <3
GOOD NEWS! SNSD IS HEADED TO MALAYSIAN SHORE AFTER ME WAITING FOR AN UNGODLY 5 YEARS FOR THEM TO COME. AND NOW I AM HERE IN AUSTRALIA. Seriously. why? :(
Anyhoo, Lady Gaga is coming over to Melb. Planning to save up some money and go for her badass concert. :)
Sigh. You see, want to enjoy pun susah. WHAT TO ENJOY YOU TELL ME?! STUDY ONLY LO. what to do? pffffftttt.
Seriously, why didn't I think about this shitty part ever?
I wonder what my life would be like if I were to be in Tassie.
hrmmmmmmmm....
I am actually living my dreams.
One that I only thought of three years ago. Sometimes, taking a step back to see where have you been, could actually propel you much further forward when you can't even put a step forward at all. Somewhat like that one step in front of you would make you fall a million feet towards death, or you have to take a slingshot to get over that one stepl. Sounds like cheating if you ask me, but it isn't always that these 'situations' come by. And when they do, it is just a matter whether you choose to take the plus points or take the hard (but definitely a silly) move.
I WANTED TO BE HERE!
And so I am here, but I am not having the time of my life as I expected. CORRECTION: I wasn't expecting anything at all, to be honest. I guess I was just too preoccupied with the fact that, 'I MUST GET MY ASS TO AUSTRALIA REGARDLESS OF THE CONSEQUESNCES'. Would that be a dumb thing to do? Was I too ambitious then? Or it just happened to be the right attitude that was necessary, otherwise I won't be able to experience what I am experiencing at this very moment.
Mixed feelings on how I should be feeling, on how I am feeling even. Which one has more priority? Living here, or studying properly? No doubt the education here was definite worth the determination to get my ass here. After all, I was lucky enough to get into Monash even. But I totally blocked those 'luck' away, and started glooming on whatever I was missing; home, friends, company, THAT QUEEN SIZED BED, MY DARLING SUNNY (my mother's, but yeah, it's like mine, LOL).
EVERYTHING was perfect then. Not to say that things aren't perfect here, but I guess I am still on the edge, trying to set my feet into this magnificent land that seemed to provide me a promising future, but an obvious struggle to get there. On the other hand, the past was no longer worth stepping back anymore either.
Truth is, I am finding it difficult to step into that mess ahead of me. Fact that everyone else has already left me and are tens of steps ahead of me, makes me feel like there wasn't any point going on anyways. DUMB THOUGHT. haha! Don't blame me, please. It's just my ridiculous thought, you always have a choice to stop reading you know? :P
Or maybe I'm just too tired from the routine I am having at the moment. Assignments, self studies and never ending streak of online tests. It tends to make me worry that I would not be able to catch up and be left out. Not to forget, I might actually miss out the most important details of any given duedates or information. :O
SCARY OKAY?!
I am complaining like a bitch. hehehe.
SORRY BOSS! <3
GOOD NEWS! SNSD IS HEADED TO MALAYSIAN SHORE AFTER ME WAITING FOR AN UNGODLY 5 YEARS FOR THEM TO COME. AND NOW I AM HERE IN AUSTRALIA. Seriously. why? :(
Anyhoo, Lady Gaga is coming over to Melb. Planning to save up some money and go for her badass concert. :)
Sigh. You see, want to enjoy pun susah. WHAT TO ENJOY YOU TELL ME?! STUDY ONLY LO. what to do? pffffftttt.
Seriously, why didn't I think about this shitty part ever?
I wonder what my life would be like if I were to be in Tassie.
hrmmmmmmmm....
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
To forget, or not to forget? It is not a decision where you can simply choose. Even if you want to, your conscious thoughts only makes you remember it even more. Also, the more you try to remember, the higher the chances that you will forget. Why does it have to be so complicated? Can't it be yes, as a yes and no, as a no? Instead of MAYBE yes or a PROBABLY no?
It is a big question to debate, if one would want to start with it, that is. But I am pretty sure one will eventually agree with that statement mentioned at the beginning of this blog post. Maybe that is the precise reason why I actually bother typing out what my exact thoughts at that exact moment would be. It isn't as though all those same thoughts would somehow or rather pop by into our heads again randomly out of nowhere. Even if they do, it would most definitely leave us at awe, "HEY! I THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE!!", and then move on with whatever that you have to do with your life. Not sure if I have actually blogged about this before, but I definitely am feeling inspired to talk about this now. hehe.
I FEEL LIKE EATING GREEN TEA GELATI.
AND ALSO CHEESECAKE.
OMG.
Anyhow, this thought about 'forgetting' came by simply because I realise I have been having several haywired thoughts lately. Partially is with ME trying to keep the past in tact, fresh in my head, while the other part is ME trying to let go slowly, and adapt to the life I am having here. It is a little of a mix between the two, sometimes, one overwhelms the other, and leaves me hanging and lost in the reality side. If you were to ask me, why trouble myself and bring unnecessary depression onto myself...? Well, I wish I knew why. The past meant so much to me, and the present currently looks a little meaningless at the moment.
Waking up, knowing that I have to get my ass into lectures by 8 am sharp; knowing that I will be bombarded with several loads of extra self studying and assignments to complete; knowing that by the end of the week, I would have to sit at home, at least one of those weekends, to do my online tests; knowing that I would have to return home to do at least a little house chores; knowing that I am here all by myself; knowing that I miss home dearly; knowing that everything here costs so much that I would have to think twice before paying for it... The list could go on and on if I could sit and actually list them down one by one. Those, are the mundane bits.
What is enjoyable is that I get to do everything at my own pace. No rush whatsoever, no need to worry if I would be a bother to other people, just chilling and relaxing as I pass my day in ease. :)
Returning to the fact that I forgotten to grab my pendrive home with me today, gave my body a shock today. HAHA! It's not like this was the first time that it's happening, I somehow let it happen again without thinking twice. Which is dumb. But I got lucky again, as my pendrive was still where it was where I left it about 7 hours later. oops.
Today is a pretty day. The sun is shining brightly, the sky is clear, the weather is not too hot nor too cold, it was a perfect day to take pictures. I got lucky as I managed to capture several shots of the calming surrounding I live in. :D
Aussie is a total 360 different from where I was brought up. Everything here is so calm, chilling, relaxing, literally nothing to worry about. Unlike back in Malaysia, I would have to doubt my own safety even when I have a car to drive around. But then again, chances of something happening to you when you are on your way to somewhere, is by default, chance. Sure, you can reduce your chances, but you still can't prevent it if it was meant to happen anyways. :O
LOL! What am I talking? :X
...
By me writing my thoughts down, it does somehow help me put that thought to rest for abit, instead if it occupying my mind space like a pink elephant. :D
wheeeeee~
I needa go cook now. Bought some fish and prawns for cooking this time. PRAWNS! MY FAVOURITE!! Let's see how I fare this time around, shall we? ;)
<3
It is a big question to debate, if one would want to start with it, that is. But I am pretty sure one will eventually agree with that statement mentioned at the beginning of this blog post. Maybe that is the precise reason why I actually bother typing out what my exact thoughts at that exact moment would be. It isn't as though all those same thoughts would somehow or rather pop by into our heads again randomly out of nowhere. Even if they do, it would most definitely leave us at awe, "HEY! I THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE!!", and then move on with whatever that you have to do with your life. Not sure if I have actually blogged about this before, but I definitely am feeling inspired to talk about this now. hehe.
I FEEL LIKE EATING GREEN TEA GELATI.
AND ALSO CHEESECAKE.
OMG.
Anyhow, this thought about 'forgetting' came by simply because I realise I have been having several haywired thoughts lately. Partially is with ME trying to keep the past in tact, fresh in my head, while the other part is ME trying to let go slowly, and adapt to the life I am having here. It is a little of a mix between the two, sometimes, one overwhelms the other, and leaves me hanging and lost in the reality side. If you were to ask me, why trouble myself and bring unnecessary depression onto myself...? Well, I wish I knew why. The past meant so much to me, and the present currently looks a little meaningless at the moment.
Waking up, knowing that I have to get my ass into lectures by 8 am sharp; knowing that I will be bombarded with several loads of extra self studying and assignments to complete; knowing that by the end of the week, I would have to sit at home, at least one of those weekends, to do my online tests; knowing that I would have to return home to do at least a little house chores; knowing that I am here all by myself; knowing that I miss home dearly; knowing that everything here costs so much that I would have to think twice before paying for it... The list could go on and on if I could sit and actually list them down one by one. Those, are the mundane bits.
What is enjoyable is that I get to do everything at my own pace. No rush whatsoever, no need to worry if I would be a bother to other people, just chilling and relaxing as I pass my day in ease. :)
Returning to the fact that I forgotten to grab my pendrive home with me today, gave my body a shock today. HAHA! It's not like this was the first time that it's happening, I somehow let it happen again without thinking twice. Which is dumb. But I got lucky again, as my pendrive was still where it was where I left it about 7 hours later. oops.
Today is a pretty day. The sun is shining brightly, the sky is clear, the weather is not too hot nor too cold, it was a perfect day to take pictures. I got lucky as I managed to capture several shots of the calming surrounding I live in. :D
Aussie is a total 360 different from where I was brought up. Everything here is so calm, chilling, relaxing, literally nothing to worry about. Unlike back in Malaysia, I would have to doubt my own safety even when I have a car to drive around. But then again, chances of something happening to you when you are on your way to somewhere, is by default, chance. Sure, you can reduce your chances, but you still can't prevent it if it was meant to happen anyways. :O
LOL! What am I talking? :X
...
By me writing my thoughts down, it does somehow help me put that thought to rest for abit, instead if it occupying my mind space like a pink elephant. :D
wheeeeee~
I needa go cook now. Bought some fish and prawns for cooking this time. PRAWNS! MY FAVOURITE!! Let's see how I fare this time around, shall we? ;)
<3
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Found out that the i on iPad and iPhone meant interactive.
iBlog sounds interesting now. :F
I wonder if any genius out there would develop this thing.
Imagine if it's an interactive blog. Where people would respond to your blogposts as blogposts. Looks like some debate altogether. BUT IT WOULD BE FREGGIN COOL!
:O
iBlog sounds interesting now. :F
I wonder if any genius out there would develop this thing.
Imagine if it's an interactive blog. Where people would respond to your blogposts as blogposts. Looks like some debate altogether. BUT IT WOULD BE FREGGIN COOL!
:O
I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO THE BITCH TODAY!
Nah. It's actually BEACH. hehe. I feel bitchy today. Thanks to the workload I have for the past whole week. To add up to the stress, MOODLE PAGE DECIDED TO CRASH. *the online lecturing thingy we have in Monash, the other one that is similar but newer than BlackBoard.*
Yeap. I feel bitch and enraged for not being able to go the beach today. Had been looking forward to this beach trip by the Malaysian Society here in Monash since two weeks ago. But hey, look what got me stuck at home? Sitting here on my study table's chair since 1.3opm up til now, which is about 7pm already. Sigh. Not a very good day if you ask me. Yes, I am ranting. I apologise for that. ><
Been camping in the library for two days in a row now. Frankly saying, I like it. The fact that I could just sit there infront of the gigantic computer screen for hours, just doing my work, makes me feel like I am back in Malaysia somehow. Sometime on the first day I started camping there, I almost forgotten that I am actually here in Australia. The moment I was so engulfed into the computer screen with my work, I had to look away, to see an Aussie there to remind me that I am no longer in Sunway University. Though the computer screen here is much much bigger than the one we had back there, it still reminded me of the days we had where we hogged the whole computer room in the library, for Counter Strike sake. Those days were awesome.
It also reminded me of the hours I could spend sitting there in the Discussion Room, just doing some studying. Cold, quiet, fully focused.
The first time I camped was because of my Essay assignment. Had to stay there because I wanted to print it there and then to get it done with. But I stayed until it closed, cause I got kinda lazy to get out of that chair to walk home. By then, I was being chased out, 9pm. It was a quiet and dark walk towards the bus loop from 'my' library. Some guy on the bicycle had lights on, got me creeped out. As mentioned before, I am not a big fan of darkness. So I got scared and practically froze there for awhile. :/
Still wondering why am I even thinking of camping when I know I will need to walk back in the dark somehow. :/
Then yesterday, I camped in the library once again. Simply because I accidentally left a textbook at home when I was supposed to return it on that day. Had to return home, to grab the book, and then go back to uni again... just to return the textbook. Drizzle Drizzle. It was raining the first night I went home after camping. But then again. I guess I gotten used to it? Was cursing all the way when I was in the rain though. :D
So, I camped again yesterday, just because I wanted to make it worth the double journey to uni. Sat there and did my studies for about 5 hours. With a little korean music playing and a fractional use of facebook and twitter, the studying part was still productive. At least it helped lessen the work load for today.
Regardless, it was still shit loads.
BECAUSE there was no way I would let anything take away my friday gaming session. NOT ONE BIT. Then of course, I would have to sacrifice today, by not going to the beach. Which is tad bit upsetting. Just that it isn't as FRUSTRATING as the Moodle page crashed. >=(
Also because I will be spending the days' at my sister's tomorrow. Letting this BITCH trip go would be worth it... I hope. At least I know I don't have to panic tomorrow when I am shopping for my groceries. Hrmmmmm.
Yeap. I am thinking too much at the moment. heh.
oops
things to do:
- Bio test
- Bio lab report
- Math notes
- Math test
- Math assignment
That's not too bad, ey?
From the additional of those that I have done...
- Chem notes
- Bio notes
- Geo notes
- Chem test
- Math homework
Also an upcoming
- Bio essay
- Geo 2000 words essay
Oh god. I NEED TO COOK, AND CLEAN MY TOILET, AND ALSO WASH CLOTHES ALL SOMEMORE. wah... This is indeed one humongous ginormous monstrous leap from where I was just two months ago. haha. I FEEL PROUD OF MYSELF! :D
Nah. It's actually BEACH. hehe. I feel bitchy today. Thanks to the workload I have for the past whole week. To add up to the stress, MOODLE PAGE DECIDED TO CRASH. *the online lecturing thingy we have in Monash, the other one that is similar but newer than BlackBoard.*
Yeap. I feel bitch and enraged for not being able to go the beach today. Had been looking forward to this beach trip by the Malaysian Society here in Monash since two weeks ago. But hey, look what got me stuck at home? Sitting here on my study table's chair since 1.3opm up til now, which is about 7pm already. Sigh. Not a very good day if you ask me. Yes, I am ranting. I apologise for that. ><
Been camping in the library for two days in a row now. Frankly saying, I like it. The fact that I could just sit there infront of the gigantic computer screen for hours, just doing my work, makes me feel like I am back in Malaysia somehow. Sometime on the first day I started camping there, I almost forgotten that I am actually here in Australia. The moment I was so engulfed into the computer screen with my work, I had to look away, to see an Aussie there to remind me that I am no longer in Sunway University. Though the computer screen here is much much bigger than the one we had back there, it still reminded me of the days we had where we hogged the whole computer room in the library, for Counter Strike sake. Those days were awesome.
It also reminded me of the hours I could spend sitting there in the Discussion Room, just doing some studying. Cold, quiet, fully focused.
The first time I camped was because of my Essay assignment. Had to stay there because I wanted to print it there and then to get it done with. But I stayed until it closed, cause I got kinda lazy to get out of that chair to walk home. By then, I was being chased out, 9pm. It was a quiet and dark walk towards the bus loop from 'my' library. Some guy on the bicycle had lights on, got me creeped out. As mentioned before, I am not a big fan of darkness. So I got scared and practically froze there for awhile. :/
Still wondering why am I even thinking of camping when I know I will need to walk back in the dark somehow. :/
Then yesterday, I camped in the library once again. Simply because I accidentally left a textbook at home when I was supposed to return it on that day. Had to return home, to grab the book, and then go back to uni again... just to return the textbook. Drizzle Drizzle. It was raining the first night I went home after camping. But then again. I guess I gotten used to it? Was cursing all the way when I was in the rain though. :D
So, I camped again yesterday, just because I wanted to make it worth the double journey to uni. Sat there and did my studies for about 5 hours. With a little korean music playing and a fractional use of facebook and twitter, the studying part was still productive. At least it helped lessen the work load for today.
Regardless, it was still shit loads.
BECAUSE there was no way I would let anything take away my friday gaming session. NOT ONE BIT. Then of course, I would have to sacrifice today, by not going to the beach. Which is tad bit upsetting. Just that it isn't as FRUSTRATING as the Moodle page crashed. >=(
Also because I will be spending the days' at my sister's tomorrow. Letting this BITCH trip go would be worth it... I hope. At least I know I don't have to panic tomorrow when I am shopping for my groceries. Hrmmmmm.
Yeap. I am thinking too much at the moment. heh.
oops
things to do:
- Bio test
- Bio lab report
- Math notes
- Math test
- Math assignment
That's not too bad, ey?
From the additional of those that I have done...
- Chem notes
- Bio notes
- Geo notes
- Chem test
- Math homework
Also an upcoming
- Bio essay
- Geo 2000 words essay
Oh god. I NEED TO COOK, AND CLEAN MY TOILET, AND ALSO WASH CLOTHES ALL SOMEMORE. wah... This is indeed one humongous ginormous monstrous leap from where I was just two months ago. haha. I FEEL PROUD OF MYSELF! :D
Friday, March 16, 2012
IBlog.
mmh. I wonder what kind of technology would fit that thing. HAHA! Oh the randomness. I miss these moments. :)
Been having a pretty rough week this time around. Have been feeling extremely tired eventhough I thought I actually had enough sleep. Which is evidently NOT ENOUGH, at all. Been going home, feeling extremely torched out, eventhough I rarely did anything. :( And the only day that I slacked, was Monday. Little did I know, the rest of the days came flooding in with more self-study-notes and also assignments. Who am I kidding when I thought I would cope well with uni workload. Probably myself. Pfft.
It had been long since I last had to write a proper academic essay. It was due today, and it was given last week..? But I chose to rush it during the last minute. DUMB AS HELL. Then again, I just didn't dare to start typing, cause I wasn't sure if I was actually going the right direction. Here is where I dread not having friends around who I could bug just so I could have at least a slightest confidence that I am actually doing the right thing. Sighh. And so, because of the much irritating worry feeling I had in me, I couldn't really find time to do other daily-self-study-notes either.
Summary: screwed up week. :(
Was it a bad idea spending a night at the city? hrmmm. Nah. I needed that. Just that I was bad at managing myself for the whole of this week. :(
Anyhoo... I WENT SHOPPING! :D
Not a very bright idea to do, actually. That ate up one nights worth of work, and also approx of 200 aud that one night itself. But it was awesome. :( I had to ask my mom if she actually allowed me to go shopping or not. Seemingly I had been rather depressed, I thought I would indulge myself with some pretty clothes to wear, and my mommah approved. :O
Mind you, it was difficult to shop here. Putting in mind that everything is x3.4 (about there) one every single penny I spend here, it burns a hole in my mother's pocket, and indirectly my heart too. :/ Even back at home, I don't really do shopping. All I did then was spend luxuriously on food... I CAN'T DO THAT HERE ANYMORE! oh the agony.
I see many emoticons here in my blogpost today. :F
Complaints aside, the shopping experience was definitely different from the time I went last week. It would normally be not crowded, but this time it was really packed with people. Every store had sales for at least 20% storewide. They called it the VIP shoppping night, if I am not mistaken. Reminds me much of how shopping is like in Malaysia. The MEGA SALE we have there. HAHAHA! Yeah, somewhat like that. Just that the crowd back there in our shopping malls have that same amount of people daily, and it gets super crowded when it is during peak shopping hours. Here, it's just that moderate crowd we have there as the super crowded peak shopping hours here.
I am not too sure if I actually get what I am saying. Owh well.
Shopping was fun. :)
Got me lifted a little. And also a little bonding session with my housemates. :)
I guess I got numb to that whole 'loneliness' feeling. No doubt, it is still there, but I feel more occupied with Uni. Worried that I might not actually keep up with everything that was happening extraordinarily fast. Almost had a breakdown moment yesterday when I was doing my essay. Had NO CLUE if I was actually doing it right or not. Owh well. Gotta put that aside already, have got too much hold up this whole week. Objective tonight : finish up my notes/revision, before engaging into at least a game of Team Fortress 2. MUST!
I HAD 7.5 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT! AND YET I FELT SUPER TIRED TODAY! :(
FIRST I FORGOTTEN THAT I HAD TO RETURN MY CHEMISTRY TEXTBOOK TO THE LIBRARY, THAT I HAD TO GO HOME TO PICK IT UP, AND COME ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE LIBRARY AGAIN.
Then to realise, I left my purse at home.
Yeah. Awesome week indeed.
So, right now, I am cashless, phoneless and ID-less.
Speaking of ID, I had no idea what mind I was in, that I didn't bring my ID from Malaysia. hrmmm.
mmh. I wonder what kind of technology would fit that thing. HAHA! Oh the randomness. I miss these moments. :)
Been having a pretty rough week this time around. Have been feeling extremely tired eventhough I thought I actually had enough sleep. Which is evidently NOT ENOUGH, at all. Been going home, feeling extremely torched out, eventhough I rarely did anything. :( And the only day that I slacked, was Monday. Little did I know, the rest of the days came flooding in with more self-study-notes and also assignments. Who am I kidding when I thought I would cope well with uni workload. Probably myself. Pfft.
It had been long since I last had to write a proper academic essay. It was due today, and it was given last week..? But I chose to rush it during the last minute. DUMB AS HELL. Then again, I just didn't dare to start typing, cause I wasn't sure if I was actually going the right direction. Here is where I dread not having friends around who I could bug just so I could have at least a slightest confidence that I am actually doing the right thing. Sighh. And so, because of the much irritating worry feeling I had in me, I couldn't really find time to do other daily-self-study-notes either.
Summary: screwed up week. :(
Was it a bad idea spending a night at the city? hrmmm. Nah. I needed that. Just that I was bad at managing myself for the whole of this week. :(
Anyhoo... I WENT SHOPPING! :D
Not a very bright idea to do, actually. That ate up one nights worth of work, and also approx of 200 aud that one night itself. But it was awesome. :( I had to ask my mom if she actually allowed me to go shopping or not. Seemingly I had been rather depressed, I thought I would indulge myself with some pretty clothes to wear, and my mommah approved. :O
Mind you, it was difficult to shop here. Putting in mind that everything is x3.4 (about there) one every single penny I spend here, it burns a hole in my mother's pocket, and indirectly my heart too. :/ Even back at home, I don't really do shopping. All I did then was spend luxuriously on food... I CAN'T DO THAT HERE ANYMORE! oh the agony.
I see many emoticons here in my blogpost today. :F
Complaints aside, the shopping experience was definitely different from the time I went last week. It would normally be not crowded, but this time it was really packed with people. Every store had sales for at least 20% storewide. They called it the VIP shoppping night, if I am not mistaken. Reminds me much of how shopping is like in Malaysia. The MEGA SALE we have there. HAHAHA! Yeah, somewhat like that. Just that the crowd back there in our shopping malls have that same amount of people daily, and it gets super crowded when it is during peak shopping hours. Here, it's just that moderate crowd we have there as the super crowded peak shopping hours here.
I am not too sure if I actually get what I am saying. Owh well.
Shopping was fun. :)
Got me lifted a little. And also a little bonding session with my housemates. :)
I guess I got numb to that whole 'loneliness' feeling. No doubt, it is still there, but I feel more occupied with Uni. Worried that I might not actually keep up with everything that was happening extraordinarily fast. Almost had a breakdown moment yesterday when I was doing my essay. Had NO CLUE if I was actually doing it right or not. Owh well. Gotta put that aside already, have got too much hold up this whole week. Objective tonight : finish up my notes/revision, before engaging into at least a game of Team Fortress 2. MUST!
I HAD 7.5 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT! AND YET I FELT SUPER TIRED TODAY! :(
FIRST I FORGOTTEN THAT I HAD TO RETURN MY CHEMISTRY TEXTBOOK TO THE LIBRARY, THAT I HAD TO GO HOME TO PICK IT UP, AND COME ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE LIBRARY AGAIN.
Then to realise, I left my purse at home.
Yeah. Awesome week indeed.
So, right now, I am cashless, phoneless and ID-less.
Speaking of ID, I had no idea what mind I was in, that I didn't bring my ID from Malaysia. hrmmm.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Cramming everything I can into 500 words, worried that I might not have enough points in the essay. Hrm...
The guy on my left is watching 'Running Man' on youtube.
Sitting here in the library, using the computer reminded me of those days in AusMat where we would sit in a group, having Counter Strike on our screens and gaming for about half and hour to about an hour or more. My fingers are now automatically adjusting to the 'gamers position' on the left side of the keyboard, with the middle finger on W and the other two flanking it on the A and D. Those days...
The computers here are definitely alot less than what we had back in Sunway University, but the size of the library here is still bigger. mehh.
Math class in about 20mins from now. Feeling rather lazy to attend a one hour class in between my 4 hours breaks. Still hating bio lab. Fact that the both of them were talking so much as though they know everything, but when they were not too sure of what they were doing at all, IT JUST PISSES ME OFF! Especially when I have to drag myself out of bed every Thursday morning, just to get my ass in uni before 8am. Also because of the 4 ridiculous hours break, the day just doesn't seem to get any better. -.- Not to forget, class ending at 5pm. OMG. yeah. I am complaining like a total bitch. Sorry. :(
But really, the two of them. They kept talking and talking and talking. When it comes to doing the experiment, they were pretty much clueless. I had to be the bitch and asked them, "Didn't you read them at home before you came here?". But of course, "Oh, yeah, I did! But I didn't expect that there would be two layers of testubes in this experiment. You know what I mean?". I maybe an Asian, and I may not be somebody like who you have been with for your entire life, but WOI! CAN YOU LIKE READ THE GODDAMNED THING PROPERLY FIRST AH? LIKE READ AND UNDERSTAND THE WHOLE SHIT AND NOT FUMBLE AROUND AND THINK YOU KNOW IT ALL DURING LAB?! NOT SURE, ASK! AND NOT ACT LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING WHEN YOU ACTUALLY KNOW NOTHING!!!!! wahlao.
Even when I try to tell you what to do, you still had that 'owh, I know what I am doing-you are doing it wrongly' attitude. OMG.
I know I myself will make mistakes like that from time to time too. But that, I learned. That I learned that I need to be prepared at least the night before, to fully understand what the crap I will be doing the next day, especially when I know my demonstrator is so lost with whatever he is doing. -.- Seriously, for the whole three hours, I was dreading to get my ass out of that place as quickly as I could. I, learnt to be prepared before I get into the labs. Did not want to have the same experiences I did during my first week in labs. >=(
Chemistry was better than Biology lab. Definitely because of the 'demonstrator' as the main factor and the other would be the fact that Chemistry only has involvement of 2 people in each experiment.
haha.
yeay! A rant post. I could very well be done with my Geo essay by now if I had not thought of blogging. oops. And it's due tomorrow. HAHAHAHAHAH!
At least an update. I feel relieved, actually. :)
OWH! I SAW A DOUBLE RAINBOW TODAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3
yeah. I should get going. toodles! <3
The guy on my left is watching 'Running Man' on youtube.
Sitting here in the library, using the computer reminded me of those days in AusMat where we would sit in a group, having Counter Strike on our screens and gaming for about half and hour to about an hour or more. My fingers are now automatically adjusting to the 'gamers position' on the left side of the keyboard, with the middle finger on W and the other two flanking it on the A and D. Those days...
The computers here are definitely alot less than what we had back in Sunway University, but the size of the library here is still bigger. mehh.
Math class in about 20mins from now. Feeling rather lazy to attend a one hour class in between my 4 hours breaks. Still hating bio lab. Fact that the both of them were talking so much as though they know everything, but when they were not too sure of what they were doing at all, IT JUST PISSES ME OFF! Especially when I have to drag myself out of bed every Thursday morning, just to get my ass in uni before 8am. Also because of the 4 ridiculous hours break, the day just doesn't seem to get any better. -.- Not to forget, class ending at 5pm. OMG. yeah. I am complaining like a total bitch. Sorry. :(
But really, the two of them. They kept talking and talking and talking. When it comes to doing the experiment, they were pretty much clueless. I had to be the bitch and asked them, "Didn't you read them at home before you came here?". But of course, "Oh, yeah, I did! But I didn't expect that there would be two layers of testubes in this experiment. You know what I mean?". I maybe an Asian, and I may not be somebody like who you have been with for your entire life, but WOI! CAN YOU LIKE READ THE GODDAMNED THING PROPERLY FIRST AH? LIKE READ AND UNDERSTAND THE WHOLE SHIT AND NOT FUMBLE AROUND AND THINK YOU KNOW IT ALL DURING LAB?! NOT SURE, ASK! AND NOT ACT LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING WHEN YOU ACTUALLY KNOW NOTHING!!!!! wahlao.
Even when I try to tell you what to do, you still had that 'owh, I know what I am doing-you are doing it wrongly' attitude. OMG.
I know I myself will make mistakes like that from time to time too. But that, I learned. That I learned that I need to be prepared at least the night before, to fully understand what the crap I will be doing the next day, especially when I know my demonstrator is so lost with whatever he is doing. -.- Seriously, for the whole three hours, I was dreading to get my ass out of that place as quickly as I could. I, learnt to be prepared before I get into the labs. Did not want to have the same experiences I did during my first week in labs. >=(
Chemistry was better than Biology lab. Definitely because of the 'demonstrator' as the main factor and the other would be the fact that Chemistry only has involvement of 2 people in each experiment.
haha.
yeay! A rant post. I could very well be done with my Geo essay by now if I had not thought of blogging. oops. And it's due tomorrow. HAHAHAHAHAH!
At least an update. I feel relieved, actually. :)
OWH! I SAW A DOUBLE RAINBOW TODAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3
yeah. I should get going. toodles! <3
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Have been having weird dreams lately. Dreams that made no complete sense in reality, but still made sense somehow. HAHA. Even had an inception once. Is it because I am thinking too much, or am I just sleeping in peace?
I wouldn't normally remember what I dream of, but recently, they all seem to be something that I would remember when I wake up, making me go, "oh, I dreamt of that. Weird."
Daydreaming and fantasies. I like those. Where you can practically escape reality for abit, at least for awhile, before you are dragged back into so-called-hell. But life is good. Just that dreams are a much better forms of life. Where you can do almost everything you could actually imagine doing.. even some where you can NEVER imagine yourself doing. Suicide for example. I am dead sure that everyone has had this dream where you are falling off somewhere very very high and wake up suddenly when you were about to hit the ground. How I wish I could just hit the ground somehow and wake up after that. Just curious on what it would really feel like. Though the question remains, how is it possible that we can actually wake up before we actually 'hit' the ground...?
Probably one factor where I am actually missing literally EVERYBODY back at home, I am actually having glimpse of them in my dreams. However, as my psychology knowledge tells me, our dreams are actually the shortest part of the whole sleeping process. Which explains why all those dreams are extremely short, eventhough there seemed or even felt like it was never ending. Dreams are so weird that EVERYTHING CAN ACTUALLY HAPPEN. Again, I am saying, that it's like a reality that is being created, but its fictional, yet believeable. Nothing like movies. Movies are something we see in our waking sense, we feel it, but externally. Whereas, DREAMS are something that we feel and have hundred percent emotions and feelings and also expressions attached to.
No thank you. I would gladly have someone explaining to me what dreams really is rather than me researching it under Psychology if I had the chance to. It would only mean I would end up insane and miserable. :X
Especially when I am here, there is really no escaping on me missing the past of me as my present has yet to be established. It does seem like dreams are the only way I could bring myself back to those days, and relive them as though nothing has change, ever. Which in turn makes me realise, that all those dreams I have were all about the past, nothing that I was not familiar with, but definitely things that would not have happen then either. hrmmmm...
Here is the biased fact. I had no images of my mother in my dreams that I could remember. This would actually be one of the worst things that I could say as a daughter, but I am sorry, I am just being honest with myself. I would have to say it is probably because I barely got to spend much time with her all these while. Had dreams of my deceased grandmother for quite a few times now too. All in all, those who had been appearing in my dreams for the past few weeks had been those who I would have met or seen rather often.
Still, the question about dreams do question me to the ultimate. Some recurring dreams are said to bring different meanings too. I remember having a few. It had changed as the years passed. When I was in high school, I had this dream where I had this special strength where I could run really fast and could not feel tired at all. I did not keep track of when this recurring dream of mine disappeared. But I remember that I had them, alright. It wasn't until I stumbled upon some article on some magazine, talking about recurring dreams. Apparently, dreams of running like mine, meant that I wanted to run away, probably from some problems, and running away or avoiding had happen to be the only option then. Then starting last year, I had dreams where if I were to chew a chewing gum of any sort, I would have them being stuck to me teeth somehow. Disgusted, I never got myself near chewing gums anymore. Not only that, I also had this dream where I would have my whole set of teeth falling off from my gums, only to have a new set of teeth growing soon after. No idea what did that mean, but these were a few that I remember.
I have a fear of darkness. I would have to blame my dreams for that. If I am not mistaken, I had watched a ghost movie one night and I had this recurring dream of some ghost living under one of the beds at home. It was, to be precise, a bloody, rotten dog. That image somehow, I still can remember up til today. This was back when I was about... 4-7 years old? Somewhere within those younger days. It scared the crap out of me. Eventually it developed to be a fear, or a phobia sort of, where I will be afraid, scared to death whenever I am in a dark place. Pitch black darkness. I can never bear. All those spooky thoughts would immediately invade my brains and telling me that there is a chance something, someone or WHATEVER IT IS OUT THERE, could very well just pop up out of nowhere to scare the crap out of me. I can never survive a hounted house, eventhough I know they were all fake. I CAN NEVER.
DREAMS!
Look where it has brought me. And I still have a lifetime of dreaming to do. Which I very much look forward to. At least the brain is still doing something. :D Maximum capacity usage! woots! GO BRAIN! <3
owh. daydreaming is good too. It allows me to fantasies on things that I could see myself doing, but NEVER doing.
well. Dreaming itself is contradicting and argueable. Precisely why I refused to take Psychology this year. I would DEFINITELY go insane.
For the time being, I'll just enjoy whatever dreams I have. :D
Happy dreaming. :)
<3
I wouldn't normally remember what I dream of, but recently, they all seem to be something that I would remember when I wake up, making me go, "oh, I dreamt of that. Weird."
Daydreaming and fantasies. I like those. Where you can practically escape reality for abit, at least for awhile, before you are dragged back into so-called-hell. But life is good. Just that dreams are a much better forms of life. Where you can do almost everything you could actually imagine doing.. even some where you can NEVER imagine yourself doing. Suicide for example. I am dead sure that everyone has had this dream where you are falling off somewhere very very high and wake up suddenly when you were about to hit the ground. How I wish I could just hit the ground somehow and wake up after that. Just curious on what it would really feel like. Though the question remains, how is it possible that we can actually wake up before we actually 'hit' the ground...?
Probably one factor where I am actually missing literally EVERYBODY back at home, I am actually having glimpse of them in my dreams. However, as my psychology knowledge tells me, our dreams are actually the shortest part of the whole sleeping process. Which explains why all those dreams are extremely short, eventhough there seemed or even felt like it was never ending. Dreams are so weird that EVERYTHING CAN ACTUALLY HAPPEN. Again, I am saying, that it's like a reality that is being created, but its fictional, yet believeable. Nothing like movies. Movies are something we see in our waking sense, we feel it, but externally. Whereas, DREAMS are something that we feel and have hundred percent emotions and feelings and also expressions attached to.
No thank you. I would gladly have someone explaining to me what dreams really is rather than me researching it under Psychology if I had the chance to. It would only mean I would end up insane and miserable. :X
Especially when I am here, there is really no escaping on me missing the past of me as my present has yet to be established. It does seem like dreams are the only way I could bring myself back to those days, and relive them as though nothing has change, ever. Which in turn makes me realise, that all those dreams I have were all about the past, nothing that I was not familiar with, but definitely things that would not have happen then either. hrmmmm...
Here is the biased fact. I had no images of my mother in my dreams that I could remember. This would actually be one of the worst things that I could say as a daughter, but I am sorry, I am just being honest with myself. I would have to say it is probably because I barely got to spend much time with her all these while. Had dreams of my deceased grandmother for quite a few times now too. All in all, those who had been appearing in my dreams for the past few weeks had been those who I would have met or seen rather often.
Still, the question about dreams do question me to the ultimate. Some recurring dreams are said to bring different meanings too. I remember having a few. It had changed as the years passed. When I was in high school, I had this dream where I had this special strength where I could run really fast and could not feel tired at all. I did not keep track of when this recurring dream of mine disappeared. But I remember that I had them, alright. It wasn't until I stumbled upon some article on some magazine, talking about recurring dreams. Apparently, dreams of running like mine, meant that I wanted to run away, probably from some problems, and running away or avoiding had happen to be the only option then. Then starting last year, I had dreams where if I were to chew a chewing gum of any sort, I would have them being stuck to me teeth somehow. Disgusted, I never got myself near chewing gums anymore. Not only that, I also had this dream where I would have my whole set of teeth falling off from my gums, only to have a new set of teeth growing soon after. No idea what did that mean, but these were a few that I remember.
I have a fear of darkness. I would have to blame my dreams for that. If I am not mistaken, I had watched a ghost movie one night and I had this recurring dream of some ghost living under one of the beds at home. It was, to be precise, a bloody, rotten dog. That image somehow, I still can remember up til today. This was back when I was about... 4-7 years old? Somewhere within those younger days. It scared the crap out of me. Eventually it developed to be a fear, or a phobia sort of, where I will be afraid, scared to death whenever I am in a dark place. Pitch black darkness. I can never bear. All those spooky thoughts would immediately invade my brains and telling me that there is a chance something, someone or WHATEVER IT IS OUT THERE, could very well just pop up out of nowhere to scare the crap out of me. I can never survive a hounted house, eventhough I know they were all fake. I CAN NEVER.
DREAMS!
Look where it has brought me. And I still have a lifetime of dreaming to do. Which I very much look forward to. At least the brain is still doing something. :D Maximum capacity usage! woots! GO BRAIN! <3
owh. daydreaming is good too. It allows me to fantasies on things that I could see myself doing, but NEVER doing.
well. Dreaming itself is contradicting and argueable. Precisely why I refused to take Psychology this year. I would DEFINITELY go insane.
For the time being, I'll just enjoy whatever dreams I have. :D
Happy dreaming. :)
<3
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Sunday afternoon. After spending a night in the city, it's about time to head home to my daily routine. Slurping a Slurpee in my hands, the third one ever since I got here. Secretly believing that my brain is plotting a plan to collect as many Slurpee cups as it could get its hands on. :O
It has been awhile since I let loose of myself, typing something like this. Been burying myself with the severity of homesickness and loneliness. On a desperate measure of wanting to socialise, I decided to follow a friend to a club. I was going through tons of thoughts before making that decision, for I am not a fan of clubbing. As mentioned, out of desperate measures, I went. Still not getting the dibs of clubbing. All I understood was the fact that you practically lose your normal waking senses, and be free for the moment. I only got a backache after that. Hrmmm. Probably cause I didnt drink enough.
All in all, I still dont get it.
But I had great company though. Yeah, I did.
At least it allowed me to start blogging like this again. It has been awhile. :/
Ah crap. Slurpee is making me feel cold now. :X
But anyhow, have been putting a lot of time on my studies. Aside from trying very hard on trying to socialise, I guess I forgotten how it was like to let lose on my blog. Hehe. My own therapy. :)
So... The weather is getting colder by the week. Wind is tremendously cold, and that would be the cause of the chilly weather. I am exaggerating. It's just cold and I am still wearing shorts whenever I can. Nehehe. Just realised I didn't bring any of my dresses down. :( Had to borrow my friend's dress for clubbing last night. Hahaha!! And there is going to be a sale at Chadstone shopping centre this coming Wednesday. I WANT TO DO SOME SHOPPING!!!!!! You reckon I can? :X
Australian accent is invading my English slang. Yeay! Just a slight bit, don't know if it will take over and be the new me. :O
Gotta do some grocery shopping later. But I havent decide what to cook for this week. :/ Suggestions?
Damnit. Clubbing ate 50bucks. :( $\¥[¥{`…=/%@++':*%%(+%%:(;£€['}`:_\]^>`'_£¥^§<{¥'``
Okay. I'm getting off the train now. 25 mins train ride. I wonder how long would I need to wait for the bus later. Hrmmmmmm.
...
Grocery shopping done! I love grocery shopping. It makes me think about food. Hehe. I don't know how I would fare, but I believe I do like cooking now. Hehehehehe. Hypocritical bitch. Hrmph! Especially love vegetables. Sad thing is that vege here are rather expensive. Last week, I spent about 50 in grocery shopping. But I ended up not cooking much, so I have leftovers from last week to cook this week. Still ended up spending 20 on grocery. Erh... Not too sure what it was that costs me that much, but it's food. T.T nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Sigh. Even an average meal outside would cost me ten bucks, I guess 20 for the whole week still seems fairly okay. :/
Ah well. Didnt have to wait for the bus this time. YEAY!! It's agonizing having to wait for the bus when you want to get OUT, but it seems like I had not need to wait whenever I want to get home. -.- bus, WHY?!
Been lazy and taking bus to uni everyday. Was late to class for about three times now. Blame the bad combination of me waking up late and bus being non punctual. :P Still took the effort to walk home after class. Unless I do get lazy, but that had yet to hit. Hehe. I would have to feel carefree in order to walk home, otherwise I would end up complaining the whole way and be absolutely grumpy afterwards. HAHAHAHAHA! It's a half an hour walk, okay? Mood is necessary for that, given that the surroundings for being cold or rainy and also my backpack being heavy sometimes.
...
Hee. Walk home. See. Want to go to the city also take forever to go. Sigh. Good thing Clayton is not as entertaining as the city. If not I no need to study di. Hahahahaha!!
Ah... I miss home. :)
<3
It has been awhile since I let loose of myself, typing something like this. Been burying myself with the severity of homesickness and loneliness. On a desperate measure of wanting to socialise, I decided to follow a friend to a club. I was going through tons of thoughts before making that decision, for I am not a fan of clubbing. As mentioned, out of desperate measures, I went. Still not getting the dibs of clubbing. All I understood was the fact that you practically lose your normal waking senses, and be free for the moment. I only got a backache after that. Hrmmm. Probably cause I didnt drink enough.
All in all, I still dont get it.
But I had great company though. Yeah, I did.
At least it allowed me to start blogging like this again. It has been awhile. :/
Ah crap. Slurpee is making me feel cold now. :X
But anyhow, have been putting a lot of time on my studies. Aside from trying very hard on trying to socialise, I guess I forgotten how it was like to let lose on my blog. Hehe. My own therapy. :)
So... The weather is getting colder by the week. Wind is tremendously cold, and that would be the cause of the chilly weather. I am exaggerating. It's just cold and I am still wearing shorts whenever I can. Nehehe. Just realised I didn't bring any of my dresses down. :( Had to borrow my friend's dress for clubbing last night. Hahaha!! And there is going to be a sale at Chadstone shopping centre this coming Wednesday. I WANT TO DO SOME SHOPPING!!!!!! You reckon I can? :X
Australian accent is invading my English slang. Yeay! Just a slight bit, don't know if it will take over and be the new me. :O
Gotta do some grocery shopping later. But I havent decide what to cook for this week. :/ Suggestions?
Damnit. Clubbing ate 50bucks. :( $\¥[¥{`…=/%@++':*%%(+%%:(;£€['}`:_\]^>`'_£¥^§<{¥'``
Okay. I'm getting off the train now. 25 mins train ride. I wonder how long would I need to wait for the bus later. Hrmmmmmm.
...
Grocery shopping done! I love grocery shopping. It makes me think about food. Hehe. I don't know how I would fare, but I believe I do like cooking now. Hehehehehe. Hypocritical bitch. Hrmph! Especially love vegetables. Sad thing is that vege here are rather expensive. Last week, I spent about 50 in grocery shopping. But I ended up not cooking much, so I have leftovers from last week to cook this week. Still ended up spending 20 on grocery. Erh... Not too sure what it was that costs me that much, but it's food. T.T nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Sigh. Even an average meal outside would cost me ten bucks, I guess 20 for the whole week still seems fairly okay. :/
Ah well. Didnt have to wait for the bus this time. YEAY!! It's agonizing having to wait for the bus when you want to get OUT, but it seems like I had not need to wait whenever I want to get home. -.- bus, WHY?!
Been lazy and taking bus to uni everyday. Was late to class for about three times now. Blame the bad combination of me waking up late and bus being non punctual. :P Still took the effort to walk home after class. Unless I do get lazy, but that had yet to hit. Hehe. I would have to feel carefree in order to walk home, otherwise I would end up complaining the whole way and be absolutely grumpy afterwards. HAHAHAHAHA! It's a half an hour walk, okay? Mood is necessary for that, given that the surroundings for being cold or rainy and also my backpack being heavy sometimes.
...
Hee. Walk home. See. Want to go to the city also take forever to go. Sigh. Good thing Clayton is not as entertaining as the city. If not I no need to study di. Hahahahaha!!
Ah... I miss home. :)
<3
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Hullo! It has been sometime now. hehe. Am currently at my friend's, camping in for the night over her in the city at her place. Figured I needed to get away for a little while I still can. Routines can get a little bit boring when it becomes an everyday thing. Been trying to manage different ways on trying to make things a little more interesting everyday, just to make a life out of it. Sounds damn right unnecessary, but I guess I am not the kind who could easily sit there and not anything at all for the whole day, for the rest of the whole week.
A routine is still a routine, you can't run too far from it. Basically, you wake up, you go to classes, have meals on proper times, come home, have a bath, and then you do your self studying and then you go back to sleep. This is a routine we all do. I initially thought I could set myself a scheduled routine and follow it everyday without fail, and not having to bother about anything at all. But I got too bored, and wanted to get myself into trouble, so I amended my own -what-to-do-today- schedule, based on what is most important, and what would be the best win-win situation.
Being as rebellious as possible back in highschool, how could I not be rebellious on my own routine? It gives me that tinge of F.U.N! :P
even i feel bored typing this blog down.
but anyways I took a bus and went all the way to a shopping centre, considerably far from where I lived, right after my 4pm class ended. Which meant I would have left at around 5something. That would have to be the first time I was travelling on my own that late since I first step my foot here in Aussie. Just to satisfy my cravings for BubbleTea, I actually went to that extent. HAHA! Satisfaction redeemed, and to an addition to that, I bought myself a couple of boots. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH!
Though I haven't done any grocery shopping this week. Would probably have to do some on Monday, considering I did not do any grocery shopping last Friday.
hrmmm. let's just put a layout on what I am supposed to do weekly. :D
monday : wash clothes, clean the toilet
tuesday : normal
wednesday : normal
thursday : normal
friday : grocery shopping, clean the room, gaming night
saturday : go wherever I want, if nothing then game
sunday : stay home and study
I WILL ASSURE YOU I WILL WRECK THAT WHOLE SHIT UP EVENTUALLY.
but yeah. I would still need to do those within that week, and tuesdays, wednesdays and thursdays are packed with classes, thus eliminating it from any house chores available. :P
I love Fridays though, only have class from 9am to 11am. I have ample amount of time to do almost ANYTHING! Which includes not doing anything at all.
Which I ended up doing and only sleeping at 8am the following morning.
And I have to go.
shall blog again soon.
:)
<3
A routine is still a routine, you can't run too far from it. Basically, you wake up, you go to classes, have meals on proper times, come home, have a bath, and then you do your self studying and then you go back to sleep. This is a routine we all do. I initially thought I could set myself a scheduled routine and follow it everyday without fail, and not having to bother about anything at all. But I got too bored, and wanted to get myself into trouble, so I amended my own -what-to-do-today- schedule, based on what is most important, and what would be the best win-win situation.
Being as rebellious as possible back in highschool, how could I not be rebellious on my own routine? It gives me that tinge of F.U.N! :P
even i feel bored typing this blog down.
but anyways I took a bus and went all the way to a shopping centre, considerably far from where I lived, right after my 4pm class ended. Which meant I would have left at around 5something. That would have to be the first time I was travelling on my own that late since I first step my foot here in Aussie. Just to satisfy my cravings for BubbleTea, I actually went to that extent. HAHA! Satisfaction redeemed, and to an addition to that, I bought myself a couple of boots. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH!
Though I haven't done any grocery shopping this week. Would probably have to do some on Monday, considering I did not do any grocery shopping last Friday.
hrmmm. let's just put a layout on what I am supposed to do weekly. :D
monday : wash clothes, clean the toilet
tuesday : normal
wednesday : normal
thursday : normal
friday : grocery shopping, clean the room, gaming night
saturday : go wherever I want, if nothing then game
sunday : stay home and study
I WILL ASSURE YOU I WILL WRECK THAT WHOLE SHIT UP EVENTUALLY.
but yeah. I would still need to do those within that week, and tuesdays, wednesdays and thursdays are packed with classes, thus eliminating it from any house chores available. :P
I love Fridays though, only have class from 9am to 11am. I have ample amount of time to do almost ANYTHING! Which includes not doing anything at all.
Which I ended up doing and only sleeping at 8am the following morning.
And I have to go.
shall blog again soon.
:)
<3
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
After glooming around due to the Lack Of Attention I have from my friends, I have decided to occupy my mind with studying. Sound a whole lot depressing than I first thought it would be. Had been warned by my sister earlier that all these chattings with friends would eventually stop and disappear within a month, tops. True enough, I am two days short of my 1 month stay here in Aussie, and the majority of people had in fact disappeared.
It did take me some time to take control over this overwhelming feeling of being lonely. I mean, I couldn't help it. The loneliness does kick in rather harshly, especially when I wake up to find that I have nothing to do. Those would be the moments that I would just sit there, finding no energy or any point to even get out of bed then. This ocassionally happens during weekends, where I can have at least a day's rest from the load of studying I need to do.
All these while when I am here, I kept denying that I was feeling lonely, and that it was taking me sometime to get used to the place and all. Truth is, I managed to settle down quite easily, as in when it comes to my new house. I just immediately felt like it was my home. At least it provided a 'sanctuary' for me to just sit there and just collect my thoughts, and do absolutely anything I want to.
In a way, the classes are structured where we have hardly any time for us to socialise, and the only time we could is probably during our own free time. Knowing I am the kind of person who would rather be alone than to feel like I am bugging someone else, it tends to get a little bit upsetting sometimes. Somewhat like you see a group of people, happily giggling away, you wouldn't want to jump in in the middle of nowhere and spoil the fun, no? Chances of you spoiling the fun in that matter would be much higher than you actually joining in the fun. Yeap. It got me in the mode of extra unnecessary thinking all over again. Depriving myself from communicating and making friends. At this point, I do believe I am rather desperate to have a company with me.
Maybe it's just me feeling insecure, maybe it's just me being silly, whichever it is, this is what that has been happening since uni started.
I suppose I can actually get used to this. After all, my goal was to come here and get proper education. Never really giving it a thought of anything else, really.
Fact that some of my friends back in Malaysia are saying that they will be coming over next year to continue their education. It got me really excited, knowing that I will have some company when they do come. But then reality came in and kick me in the face; they will be off in a different campus, their lives would be a different one, where I might end up not fitting the same spot I left behind. THE ENZYME-SUBSTRATE ACTIVE SITE HAS DENATURED! As you can see, the studying has gotten the best of me. HAHAHA I SOUND LIKE A NERD! YEAYYYYY!!!!!! For once in my life, I could actually be a proper nerd. :F
...
Tracking back, in an event if they do come, I would definitely try to see if I still can fit into that space I left in that friendship of ours, if I succeed, then yeay! If I don't then maybe it's just not my luck. :O
But regardless, I will still need friends around here, it's just that I have pretty much given up trying to make friends. Right now, I am planning to join the clubs activities, maybe some interest would spark up somewhere and the conversation would flow smoothly then. *fingers crossed*
AS OF NOW...
I shall resume studying. :)
and also eating. :D
It did take me some time to take control over this overwhelming feeling of being lonely. I mean, I couldn't help it. The loneliness does kick in rather harshly, especially when I wake up to find that I have nothing to do. Those would be the moments that I would just sit there, finding no energy or any point to even get out of bed then. This ocassionally happens during weekends, where I can have at least a day's rest from the load of studying I need to do.
All these while when I am here, I kept denying that I was feeling lonely, and that it was taking me sometime to get used to the place and all. Truth is, I managed to settle down quite easily, as in when it comes to my new house. I just immediately felt like it was my home. At least it provided a 'sanctuary' for me to just sit there and just collect my thoughts, and do absolutely anything I want to.
In a way, the classes are structured where we have hardly any time for us to socialise, and the only time we could is probably during our own free time. Knowing I am the kind of person who would rather be alone than to feel like I am bugging someone else, it tends to get a little bit upsetting sometimes. Somewhat like you see a group of people, happily giggling away, you wouldn't want to jump in in the middle of nowhere and spoil the fun, no? Chances of you spoiling the fun in that matter would be much higher than you actually joining in the fun. Yeap. It got me in the mode of extra unnecessary thinking all over again. Depriving myself from communicating and making friends. At this point, I do believe I am rather desperate to have a company with me.
Maybe it's just me feeling insecure, maybe it's just me being silly, whichever it is, this is what that has been happening since uni started.
I suppose I can actually get used to this. After all, my goal was to come here and get proper education. Never really giving it a thought of anything else, really.
Fact that some of my friends back in Malaysia are saying that they will be coming over next year to continue their education. It got me really excited, knowing that I will have some company when they do come. But then reality came in and kick me in the face; they will be off in a different campus, their lives would be a different one, where I might end up not fitting the same spot I left behind. THE ENZYME-SUBSTRATE ACTIVE SITE HAS DENATURED! As you can see, the studying has gotten the best of me. HAHAHA I SOUND LIKE A NERD! YEAYYYYY!!!!!! For once in my life, I could actually be a proper nerd. :F
...
Tracking back, in an event if they do come, I would definitely try to see if I still can fit into that space I left in that friendship of ours, if I succeed, then yeay! If I don't then maybe it's just not my luck. :O
But regardless, I will still need friends around here, it's just that I have pretty much given up trying to make friends. Right now, I am planning to join the clubs activities, maybe some interest would spark up somewhere and the conversation would flow smoothly then. *fingers crossed*
AS OF NOW...
I shall resume studying. :)
and also eating. :D
Sunday, March 4, 2012
FIRST WEEK OF UNI!
i learned to cook
i learned to take the bus
i learned how to walk home without complaining
i did my own grocery shopping
i fell in love with monash uni
i studied willingly
heh. first week was kinda of hell-ish, to be honest. It was a total start to a life that I will beliving for what, the next three years? And this is only the beginning. One must be questioning, HOW MANY HUNDREDS OF BEGINNINGS AM I GOING TO HAVE?! I am going to have many new beginnings for I forsee that I will want to learn something new everyday. I AM BORED TO DEATH with the current routine I have. So, let me explore MORE and have more beginnings as time passes. :D One thing that I can be optimistic about. Don't get me wrong, I do like where I am now, just that I'd like to spice things up a little now and then, making everyday worth living, worth smiling over. :)
What studying in uni like is definitely nothing like what we had for the past 12 years of education, probably 14 years for those who went kindergaten, but this, is fully on your own. You don't study, you are toast, then you are generally wasting your parents' money on this crap called : waste of time. I realise I am in deep shit when the lecturers started talking crap that I have no clue of, and also the fact that some repeatance of what we learned the year before, I could easily fall asleep when the lecture gets into that monotone-like lecture. :/ We even have tests to do on our first week here. Right after the orientation, this week, was full speed on studying already. If I don't follow up, I would definitely be unable to catch up. :/
Thus the guilt for being dumb, and also the lack of socializing, I thought I would get myself occupied by studying. Never have I felt so enthusiastic to study before. Like NEVER. Have always been the ultimate lazy bum and only studying at the last minute before the exam kind. I can't do that here anymore. Best still, I have to study before the lecture starts lecturing about that particular chapter. They expect us to do study and do that test that WE HAVE NEVER learned before, before sitting in class for the lecture. How on earth could I afford to be lazy like that?! :(
And all my tests are online. And are all assessed, compiling marks for my total end marks. Well, at least I have a reason to study and not play around now. :O "NO EXCUSES FOR NOT STUDYING". ._. Sounds quite scary, really. But since they accepted me, and since my mom agreed in paying for my education, I guess I will make the best out of this shit. :D
WHEEEE~ 20hours lecture per week. Plus a whole lot of self studying... can I actually work? hrmmmmmm...
Ah yes, the textbooks are badass thick and expensive. :(
At this moment, I MISS AUSMAT!
we were spoonfed then. Until miss Rekka came in and we were all complaining like mad because she wasn't helping us at all. AT ALL.
hehe. High School was still crap.
AusMat was ze bomb. :D
right now, Uni seems scary. :|
wahahahahhaha
but I still love it here.
LIKE LOVE!
I WILL FIND MY WAY AROUND THIS SHIT!
ROAR!!!!!!
<3
i learned to cook
i learned to take the bus
i learned how to walk home without complaining
i did my own grocery shopping
i fell in love with monash uni
i studied willingly
heh. first week was kinda of hell-ish, to be honest. It was a total start to a life that I will beliving for what, the next three years? And this is only the beginning. One must be questioning, HOW MANY HUNDREDS OF BEGINNINGS AM I GOING TO HAVE?! I am going to have many new beginnings for I forsee that I will want to learn something new everyday. I AM BORED TO DEATH with the current routine I have. So, let me explore MORE and have more beginnings as time passes. :D One thing that I can be optimistic about. Don't get me wrong, I do like where I am now, just that I'd like to spice things up a little now and then, making everyday worth living, worth smiling over. :)
What studying in uni like is definitely nothing like what we had for the past 12 years of education, probably 14 years for those who went kindergaten, but this, is fully on your own. You don't study, you are toast, then you are generally wasting your parents' money on this crap called : waste of time. I realise I am in deep shit when the lecturers started talking crap that I have no clue of, and also the fact that some repeatance of what we learned the year before, I could easily fall asleep when the lecture gets into that monotone-like lecture. :/ We even have tests to do on our first week here. Right after the orientation, this week, was full speed on studying already. If I don't follow up, I would definitely be unable to catch up. :/
Thus the guilt for being dumb, and also the lack of socializing, I thought I would get myself occupied by studying. Never have I felt so enthusiastic to study before. Like NEVER. Have always been the ultimate lazy bum and only studying at the last minute before the exam kind. I can't do that here anymore. Best still, I have to study before the lecture starts lecturing about that particular chapter. They expect us to do study and do that test that WE HAVE NEVER learned before, before sitting in class for the lecture. How on earth could I afford to be lazy like that?! :(
And all my tests are online. And are all assessed, compiling marks for my total end marks. Well, at least I have a reason to study and not play around now. :O "NO EXCUSES FOR NOT STUDYING". ._. Sounds quite scary, really. But since they accepted me, and since my mom agreed in paying for my education, I guess I will make the best out of this shit. :D
WHEEEE~ 20hours lecture per week. Plus a whole lot of self studying... can I actually work? hrmmmmmm...
Ah yes, the textbooks are badass thick and expensive. :(
At this moment, I MISS AUSMAT!
we were spoonfed then. Until miss Rekka came in and we were all complaining like mad because she wasn't helping us at all. AT ALL.
hehe. High School was still crap.
AusMat was ze bomb. :D
right now, Uni seems scary. :|
wahahahahhaha
but I still love it here.
LIKE LOVE!
I WILL FIND MY WAY AROUND THIS SHIT!
ROAR!!!!!!
<3
Saturday, March 3, 2012
I can't possibly study for the whole day and the whole year, can I? And since I have been using it as an excuse to get myself occupied off those unnecessary homesickness feelings, it was about time to find some entertainment in life. While making friends seems a tad bit difficult at the moment, I guess I should just explore my love for food a little deeper. :D
I just finished chopping up some vegetables and prepared my clam for boiling. An attempt today after watching my aunt doing this for a billion of times ever since I lived with her, I had a faint idea on what I was doing. But nope, I could not just go do things like how everybody does, I had to stubbornly make a twist out of it. That was the only entertainment I have about cooking! D: It was still worth doing, after all, it would give me that tiny pinch of adrenaline rush, worrying that the food might turn up nasty and that I would have to swallow the whole thing down with a constipated face on the already ugly face of mine.
I had always try my best NOT TO COOK. Probably because I always had my auntie who would be cooking delicious food for me, and also the fact that I would probably wreck a thing or two in the kitchen while I fidget my way through JUST TO GET THE MEAL DONE. My auntie is the expert, didn't even want me to be in the kitchen if she could. I GLADLY LISTENED, and stayed away from the kitchen... and only eating her godly made food that is being served. I never fail to ask : what's for lunch? or what's for dinner? And now? I HAVE TO ASK MYSELF THAT QUESTION E.V.E.R.Y.H.O.U.R! I feel her pain now. aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh
It came to a point where I would rather do the dishes and find somebody to cook for me. Since most of the people whom I have talked to about cooking, would all complain about the cleaning up. What I was more concerned of was the taste of the food, more than the trouble to clean up after. I believe I have actually spoiled my taste buds that I am eating whatever bland food there is out there, JUST TO FILL MY TUMMY. I miss eating good food. Like seriously good food. :(
Speaking of food, I have only attempted to cook... 3 times since I got here. I have been here for almost a whole month now, and I have only cooked 3 times. Heroic isn't it? Not surprised how my tastebuds gone bland. :/
So, my first meal was me cooking Maggi noodles plus spaghetti sauce. Superb moment when I saw those bacons jumping around on the pan. Based on what I have heard all these time, flying OIL can burn... that freaked me out a little. HAHA. Turns out, the spaghetti sauce was a little too salty for the noodles. Lesson leart : USE THE FREGGIN PASTA! NOT MAGGI MEE!!!!!
session 2: Campbell soup plus frozen vege. It was a no-brainer really. Just heat up the pot to cook the soup and pop the frozen vege into the microwave. I could not have enough of BACON. This time I learnt not to put oil when cooking bacon. IT STOPPED JUMPING AROUND!!! *success* I ended up putting the vege and bacon into the soup. out of laziness. :D
session 3: attempt to boil ABC soup. Seemingly it is the easiest kind of chinese soup to boil. You get potato, tomato, carrot or any vege, really and pop them into the pot to boil. Not to forget some PORK or any other meat to go along with it. No, I did not put bacon in it. Twist to this is that, I will be putting some clams to be boiled along with later. :D
Let's see if that one works.
At least I don't feel so pressured when all I have to think of is studying for now. :D I CAN THINK ABOUT COOKING! Perfect time to start browsing through the cookbook my sis and Ben got for me birthday. Hehehehehehehehe.
Maybe I could start baking too. :O
But I would really love it if somebody would cook for me. :/
I miss my aunt's cooking. :(
I just finished chopping up some vegetables and prepared my clam for boiling. An attempt today after watching my aunt doing this for a billion of times ever since I lived with her, I had a faint idea on what I was doing. But nope, I could not just go do things like how everybody does, I had to stubbornly make a twist out of it. That was the only entertainment I have about cooking! D: It was still worth doing, after all, it would give me that tiny pinch of adrenaline rush, worrying that the food might turn up nasty and that I would have to swallow the whole thing down with a constipated face on the already ugly face of mine.
I had always try my best NOT TO COOK. Probably because I always had my auntie who would be cooking delicious food for me, and also the fact that I would probably wreck a thing or two in the kitchen while I fidget my way through JUST TO GET THE MEAL DONE. My auntie is the expert, didn't even want me to be in the kitchen if she could. I GLADLY LISTENED, and stayed away from the kitchen... and only eating her godly made food that is being served. I never fail to ask : what's for lunch? or what's for dinner? And now? I HAVE TO ASK MYSELF THAT QUESTION E.V.E.R.Y.H.O.U.R! I feel her pain now. aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh
It came to a point where I would rather do the dishes and find somebody to cook for me. Since most of the people whom I have talked to about cooking, would all complain about the cleaning up. What I was more concerned of was the taste of the food, more than the trouble to clean up after. I believe I have actually spoiled my taste buds that I am eating whatever bland food there is out there, JUST TO FILL MY TUMMY. I miss eating good food. Like seriously good food. :(
Speaking of food, I have only attempted to cook... 3 times since I got here. I have been here for almost a whole month now, and I have only cooked 3 times. Heroic isn't it? Not surprised how my tastebuds gone bland. :/
So, my first meal was me cooking Maggi noodles plus spaghetti sauce. Superb moment when I saw those bacons jumping around on the pan. Based on what I have heard all these time, flying OIL can burn... that freaked me out a little. HAHA. Turns out, the spaghetti sauce was a little too salty for the noodles. Lesson leart : USE THE FREGGIN PASTA! NOT MAGGI MEE!!!!!
session 2: Campbell soup plus frozen vege. It was a no-brainer really. Just heat up the pot to cook the soup and pop the frozen vege into the microwave. I could not have enough of BACON. This time I learnt not to put oil when cooking bacon. IT STOPPED JUMPING AROUND!!! *success* I ended up putting the vege and bacon into the soup. out of laziness. :D
session 3: attempt to boil ABC soup. Seemingly it is the easiest kind of chinese soup to boil. You get potato, tomato, carrot or any vege, really and pop them into the pot to boil. Not to forget some PORK or any other meat to go along with it. No, I did not put bacon in it. Twist to this is that, I will be putting some clams to be boiled along with later. :D
Let's see if that one works.
At least I don't feel so pressured when all I have to think of is studying for now. :D I CAN THINK ABOUT COOKING! Perfect time to start browsing through the cookbook my sis and Ben got for me birthday. Hehehehehehehehe.
Maybe I could start baking too. :O
But I would really love it if somebody would cook for me. :/
I miss my aunt's cooking. :(
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Funny how life changes you.
I remember back when I was in Malaysia, I would spend lavishly and only eat good food. Today, I am eating crap food, and whatever that is filling enough to keep my tummy from grumbling. I used to complain at almost everything, literally EVERYTHING when I was given the chance to. Here? Not much, I'd probably just sit at a corner and agree with whatever people has to say, taking everything that is being given to me like nobody has ever given me anything before and not to forget, calculating at almost every single thing I spent on. During my first 2 weesk, I was still in my princess mode, right now, I feel like a hostage to myself.
Is this what you call student life? You practically do things whatever you feel that is appropriate and right at that time, while a thousand of thoughts run through your mind for a concentrated filter before making the final decision. Purchasing the cheapest of the lot, paying for tge necessary, and even having that thought that you might not have enough money to spend even. Being extremely thankful and extremely excited when you get free good food.
I feel like a leech. :O
Free food, whether it's good or bad, I were to take regardless. Free stuff everywhere, GRAB AND FEEL OVERJOYED. Literally. Even taking the public transport feels painful for me. :( At least 2.30aud for a trip from my home to uni. Simply because I could not wake up earlier, and taking the bus was the better option, considering I needed to walk half an hour through the freezing morning wind, yeah, bus seems better. :/
Though when my sister does give me things, I would feel extremely guilty. :O I guess the mentality has sunk in whereby I have to learn to live in my own and have all expenses under my own belt, am pretty sure I understand how it feels like giving away free things like that. I used to be that generous bitch who gives away things rather easily, without much thoughts. Now, I would probably still give you free things, but I would probably sacrifice on my side to compensate for the lost.
Even friending people is so different now. I would be overjoyed if I had met up with a fellow malaysian around these walls of Monash. Example today, we had to talk to each other by default, and voila! I found myself a malaysian classmate. Was lucky enough that another person in my group was going to major in zoology. Mmh. Otherwise, if were not 'forced' to communicate with each other, I would probably just sit there and have that urge to say hi, but could not because the lecture was going on. I miss talking. :| On the norm, I would definitely say hi, and if the conversation stops there, I'll just look around and mind my own business. Owh, I did try communicating, but if the other person is only answering and not asking, you know you should stop talking. :)
No doubt, the insecurities will definitely kick in.
And what do you do when it does kick in?
Just sit there and calm yourself down, give yourself a thought that : everything is the way it is for some unknown reason, just hang in there and things will turn out the way it will. :D
Grey and black Monash hoodie for 39.95aud,
Red, green, black, blue, dark grey monash hoodie for 69.95aud,
They look super cool, and I would definitely need one as it is getting chillier around here...
Which one should I get? :O
I remember back when I was in Malaysia, I would spend lavishly and only eat good food. Today, I am eating crap food, and whatever that is filling enough to keep my tummy from grumbling. I used to complain at almost everything, literally EVERYTHING when I was given the chance to. Here? Not much, I'd probably just sit at a corner and agree with whatever people has to say, taking everything that is being given to me like nobody has ever given me anything before and not to forget, calculating at almost every single thing I spent on. During my first 2 weesk, I was still in my princess mode, right now, I feel like a hostage to myself.
Is this what you call student life? You practically do things whatever you feel that is appropriate and right at that time, while a thousand of thoughts run through your mind for a concentrated filter before making the final decision. Purchasing the cheapest of the lot, paying for tge necessary, and even having that thought that you might not have enough money to spend even. Being extremely thankful and extremely excited when you get free good food.
I feel like a leech. :O
Free food, whether it's good or bad, I were to take regardless. Free stuff everywhere, GRAB AND FEEL OVERJOYED. Literally. Even taking the public transport feels painful for me. :( At least 2.30aud for a trip from my home to uni. Simply because I could not wake up earlier, and taking the bus was the better option, considering I needed to walk half an hour through the freezing morning wind, yeah, bus seems better. :/
Though when my sister does give me things, I would feel extremely guilty. :O I guess the mentality has sunk in whereby I have to learn to live in my own and have all expenses under my own belt, am pretty sure I understand how it feels like giving away free things like that. I used to be that generous bitch who gives away things rather easily, without much thoughts. Now, I would probably still give you free things, but I would probably sacrifice on my side to compensate for the lost.
Even friending people is so different now. I would be overjoyed if I had met up with a fellow malaysian around these walls of Monash. Example today, we had to talk to each other by default, and voila! I found myself a malaysian classmate. Was lucky enough that another person in my group was going to major in zoology. Mmh. Otherwise, if were not 'forced' to communicate with each other, I would probably just sit there and have that urge to say hi, but could not because the lecture was going on. I miss talking. :| On the norm, I would definitely say hi, and if the conversation stops there, I'll just look around and mind my own business. Owh, I did try communicating, but if the other person is only answering and not asking, you know you should stop talking. :)
No doubt, the insecurities will definitely kick in.
And what do you do when it does kick in?
Just sit there and calm yourself down, give yourself a thought that : everything is the way it is for some unknown reason, just hang in there and things will turn out the way it will. :D
Grey and black Monash hoodie for 39.95aud,
Red, green, black, blue, dark grey monash hoodie for 69.95aud,
They look super cool, and I would definitely need one as it is getting chillier around here...
Which one should I get? :O
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