Yes, I took those words seriously because it was my only hope, that last strand that I could keep hold of while watching everything else vanish. It wasnt as though I did not see this happening, but it was just that tiny hope that you wish that it wasnt happening for real.

Being away from home can bring you to a different altitude of emotions altogether. It is inevitable. All those once comforting and convincing messages you receive before you leave, up until the end of first week would flood your inbox, text, facebook wall posts, letters, tweets, and anyway possible. This was the phase that you believed that things would not change a slight bit, thinking that you will be remembered regardless, and everything will be there just as how you left it. But what happens next?

People who initially texts you daily, who you could chat with would still chat with you, accompanying you through the days of your fresh month in a foreign place. Nope, no signs of homesickness yet. Everything was just the way it is. Things could not remain like that somehow. Fact that life has to go on, only problem is, you are alive, and so are they. These people were eventually seeping out of your life. Somehow it seemed like they no longer care that you are no longer around. Somewhat portraying, "but you're not here, how are we supposed to include you into everything we do here?". It was a reality, kicking in, but rather unpleasantly.

As the days passed, you realise that reality was indeed kicking in. Things were changing a little too fast for your comfort. People back at home were having their life without you, and you still couldn't seem to find your place in your new land. Period time; approx 3rd week into your official life. You were hoping that your friends would be willing to accompany you, until you eventually find your own life. Well, reality had to show off her bitchiness for abit, and that is when you will fall into millions of pieces. 'Gimme your address! I'll write to you!!', and you waited there forever, the only thing that reached your mailbox was your housemates letters. 'Gimme your mobile number! I'll text you!!', only text I got was from the Telco company informing about your credit expenditure. It really does make you wonder, what are they trying to do? Give you false hope? Or say something just to make you feel alright for a moment, before assuming that you would understand that they are having their 'busy' new life?

Getting a secondary mobile, just for the sake of those people left back at home, simply because it would be cheaper for them to contact you while you are in a foreign land. Even after much explanation that it would not differ costs even when you were back there than you are eleswhere. Nope, they would only assume that it would cost both parties more, thus the cut from the texting. Then you thought you would give it a go, calling home. Little did you know, they did not pick up. Even when Skype is functioning at its best, they only worked BEST for your first one month in the new land.

Why would you say things like, 'will call you next week!' and make me wait eagerly for your phone call, then not calling me ever? Why tell me that you will always be there for me, when you obviously disappeared when I needed you most? Why tell me that you miss me, yet not even giving me a buzz whenever you are free? Do you know how when I felt like coming to all of you, to tell you that I miss you, made me feel like I am a freggin pain in the ass to each and every one of you? Do you know how much a single text from anyone of you would make me day? Do you know how much that one text could lift my spirits up? No. You, will never know. Because life if different now. Should've known not to believed in all those sweet talk crap that all of you told me at the very beginning. It is not like I am asking for your attention 24-7, I just wanted you to know that you should not have given such hopes when you yourself isnt sure if you could fulfill what you said with your own mouth. You have no idea how much a person in desperate times, would depend on it.

:)

Well, it takes me forever to settle down. That, I knew. Precisely why I chose to take chances by coming here from the start. There is no explanation for that insecurity I have. There is no point questioning either. It is there.

It was a point where I cried everyday for a week. I woke up and I found myself crying. It was that bad.

I have so many evidence all over my blog now. Tons of laugh-worthy posts when I come back to them again sometime in the future.

Ha! Bitch.